Sunday, December 28, 2014

He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake

It's Sunday and my mini vacation draws to a close. That's alright, it'll be another short week. Christmas has come and gone, a blur of activity that winked in and out of existence like a dimly recalled dream. Tomorrow it's back to work and other realities of life. I'll enjoy today as much as I can.

Christmas. The first part was spent at my grandmother's house with cousins and sundry. Traditionally, her house is the last destination of the day, but it was reversed this year mostly to accommodate my grandmother's waning energy, but also to enable everyone to spend time with immediate family and not have to rush. My mother had the idea, and it made sense for everyone.

The TV I got my mom wasn't a hit and caused a bit of drama. I had been looking forward to seeing her expression when she opened it; I wasn't expecting her to be bummed out, which, as it happened, she was. She said she was still happy with her old TV, which was a shock to me because she had expressed to me on more than one occasion that when she had the funds available, she was going to get a new one. Her TV was old, bulky, and losing it's picture quality among other things. Still happy with it? WTF!

Anyway, she said she was grateful for what I'd done and that she really liked the TV and wanted to keep it. There were indications as I was setting it up that she felt otherwise, but I held out hope that once it was operational, she'd feel better. She did, eventually, but it was rough going for a bit.

My mom felt lousy about appearing ungrateful. " I guess I'm not good with change", she confessed to me numerous times. She even wrote me a lengthy apology email. It all worked out. We had a good discussion and everything is fine.

For my part, I got a new iPad mini to replace my damaged one. I also got some much needed bedding. My bosses got us Apple TV, which prompted me to get my own new TV (same one I got my mom) with some of the bonus money they gave me. Turns out, my old bear of a TV wasn't compatible with Apple TV. So I took advantage of a sale the day after Christmas and, voila, I'm a little more modern.  Apple TV, by the way, rocks. Who needs cable? Not me, son! Haven't had it in years and years and now I'm even less inclined to get it.

So Christmas was fine. Spira and Missy D came to my mom's and we ate Chinese food and talked and stuff. A good day. I was happy to have the next several days off with a house all to my self. I practiced a bunch of yoga, sometimes twice a day, to combat all the sweets and other unhealthy food I'd been eating.

Yesterday, I saw the final Hobbit installment with Ali and Spira at the new AMC Imax theater in Somerville. Great effin' movie! Afterward, we got some coffee at a French bakery and ate some North End pizza from a little shop next door. Nice little area over there in Assembly Square. They've got Lego Land, the movie theater, and a ton of outlet stores. Who needs Kittery?

Alright, stuff to do. Last night I rented Dawn of The Planet of The Apes and it was very good. Today, I might watch another movie, but I'd like to do some writing and reading. Maybe meditate. We'll see.

Bye.

Sunday, December 21, 2014

I feel good in a special way, I'm in love and it's a sunny day

Christmas approaches and the days leading up to it have been challenging to say the least, but not so terrible, either. Still, I'm hoping the next several days are laden with comfort and holiday cheer. Not such a tall order, but given the impermanent nature of every aspect of life, I'm not counting on it.

I don't say that with bitterness, although there are whispers of it there to be sure. It's okay, I'm aware of it and keep it in check. Our society is built around the notion that we can craft a life of security, of things staying the same. It's like trying to subdue an ocean wave with a net, but yet we continue on in the erroneous belief that it's possible.

I've been grappling a lot with the reality of impermanence lately. My spiritual practice has helped provide balance and insight. Instead trying to capture the wave, I'm focusing more on riding it. My success rate has been uneven, but fuck it, I keep trying.

I don't really want to get into what challenges have come my way but they haven't been easy. There have been times lately when I've wondered if I'll even make it to Christmas. I don't mean to be dramatic here, despite appearances. It's just that things have been happening that have been coming out of left field, as they do, at such a rate that the message is clear: Nothing stays the same, nothing lasts.

With that in mind, my aim has been to not dwell on the negatives in favor of the positives. For example, yesterday my roommates and I cleaned the house. We started in the morning and didn't finish until around six o'clock. Earlier in the week, I had reached out to Fred & Evangeline about doing some cleaning over the weekend. I wasn't sure what to expect, but they both were on board. So yesterday we went to town on the place, with the help of Fred's girlfriend, Emily, and made it look better than it has in years. We threw a lot of stuff out, did some redecorating....it felt good getting so much done. And it felt even better knowing I could have still been mildly depressed and somewhat resentful of the filthy state of our apartment if it wasn't for the action I took to initiate the change.

It was a long, productive day. At the end of it, I was looking forward to watching a movie, playing music, relaxing. I went to my room and started to make my bed. My iPad, unbeknownst to me, was under one of the blankets. When started pulling them off the bed, the iPad fell on the floor. When I picked it up, I saw that it had a long hairline scratch down the middle. Shitty, but barely perceptible. Then I saw that the there was a dent right where the volume control is. More shitty. Then I realized that it had dented itself into the mute position and wouldn't budge. Fuck! Oh, and then I read online about how to pull the dent out - someone had the exact same thing happen to their iPad - and basically I made it worse. The end result: a small patch of spiderweb fractured glass around the dent.

I use my iPad a lot, so this sucked. No more Garage Band, no more music, no more Netflix (can't watch on my PC for very long before my computer crashes), no more podcasts. I almost made it a full year with it. My mom had surprised me last Christmas with it; it was a great gift.

The thought struck me, as it sometimes and thankfully does in the early stages of something like this, that what would happen if instead of being bummed out and angry at the world for fucking around with me, I made the conscious decision to not heap any more shitty-ness onto an already shitty event? Would it even be possible to dispense with all of that? Maybe?

Well, not maybe, but yes. We can't control the events of life but we can decide how we're going to react. And the best time to decide is in the early stages when worry and stress and everything else that accompanies the bad things that happen haven't grown sturdy as oaks. So, I gave it a shot but it wasn't easy. It wasn't so hard, either. I just had to keep on top of the thoughts that crept up about how crummy this loss was.

I reminded myself that this one unfortunate event was threatening to overshadow the accomplishment of a thoroughly cleaned place. In times of strife, all of things that have gone right tend to get stamped out in our minds, like the never happened. I went downstairs and practiced yoga for a while. I had some energy to burn, despite having spent hours and hours cleaning. Throughout my session, thoughts about my iPad swam into view, but they didn't stick for very long.

Oh, you do what you can do. Everyone alive on this planet is subject to impermanence, to the rising and falling, the giving and taking. None of us are immune. I try to remember that when thoughts that the Universe has a vendetta against me leak out. I'll see about getting the iPad fixed or getting another one. May take a while, either way, to happen, but who knows? Maybe St. Nick has something up his sleeve.

Peace.

Sunday, December 14, 2014

We drank champagne and danced all night under electric candlelight

I'm pretty discerning when it comes to shopping. Not always, there are the occasional impulse buys, but over the years I've honed my skills through the admixture of  patience, intuition, studied analysis, and possibly even divine grace. I've come away with some cool finds and great deals. I'm speaking mostly to online shopping and the only reason I'm bringing this up is because I just purchased from Amazon Stephen King's Cujo in Kindle format and an mp3 of Phill Niblock's Works For Hurdy Gurdy and Voice for under ten smackers.

I've been contemplating reading Cujo for a few weeks now. It's one of his books I've avoided mostly because of an association I've maintained between the book and the movie, as if they one in the same. It's rare that I make unfair assumptions like that, but I did. Anyway, I read a ton of reviews for the book and most of them were favorable. And, hey, I'd pay more than that for a six pack of beer or a matinee showing of The Hunger Games: Part Whatever.

This Niblock album is what I've been hoping to find for a while now. It's three tracks are micro-tonal drones and the combination of hurdy gurdy and voice sounds beautiful. The voice and hurdy gurdy often sound so much alike it's to distinguish between the two. For those reasons and the drone-like quality of the compositions, it's been a powerful talisman in both my yoga and meditation practices. And I like having it on when I'm reading or writing. Cool that I came upon this piece of music that fit the desired specifications I'd been looking for but was having trouble articulating in search engines.

Still on the mend. This cold has decided to stick around for a bit. I'm going to go take it easy. I'll read, perhaps watch a movie (The Wolf of Wall Street is streaming on Netflix). We'll see.

Take care, loves.

Friday, December 12, 2014

Shave and a haircut, two bits

Had an absorbing and intuitive yoga session after work this evening and I feel centered and rubbery and hale. This life throws a lot at you and much of it sticks. Yoga revitalizes in multitudinous ways; it is one of the several reasons it's an integral part of my life; so integral that I'm often surprised, even though I've been an avid student of the craft for years, how deeply it matters to me. I still harbor slightly the fear that if I take more than two days off, I run the serious risk of parting ways with yoga.

That is just a mind-generated fear. Spira says I'm a yogini and I think she means it. I tend to agree with her. There is no longer Kevin and yoga. It has become, with the slow grace of time, Kevin=yoga. I'm so thankful it's a part of me, that it's something abiding, a powerful ally. Because, man, I don't need to tell you that life isn't always a lazy Sunday in the meadow. We need all the allies we can get.


So, real quick, here's what you should be watching: Black Mirror. A brief description of the show would be that it's a modern twist on The Twilight Zone. I'm only two episodes in, so whether that is a true assessment I couldn't say. I can say that it's very well done and, based on the two episodes I've seen, it's a stark look at the dark, dehumanizing avenues modern technology take us down.

Listening to a lot of Robert Wyatt these days. Love that man.

Finished reading King's 11/22/63. I enjoyed it. The ending got me misty. King hit the right beat, really nailed it. He's not really known for his endings. I don't know, endings are tough; you can't please everyone. A lot of people disliked the ending of The Dark Tower, but I thought it was the exact right way to end the story. But what do I know?

Now I'm reading Michael Talbot's The Delicate Dependency. It's taken me a long time to get to this book. I don't tend to read books about vampires, but this one is considered the high water mark of the genre and I loved Talbot's The Holographic Universe and reading about his friendship with Whitley Strieber. I'm about a quarter of the way in. So far, so good.

Been sick this week. Not too bad, a mere head cold that extended it's reign to my chest. Still, I'd rather not have been afflicted.

Yesterday was the two year anniversary of my father's passing. It's hard to believe it's been that long. I miss him a lot.

Well, it's time to wrap this up. I have matters to attend to.

And Billy has been plotting; I need to be vigilant.

Sunday, December 7, 2014

I fuck the music, I make it cum, I fuck the music with my serpent tongue

Last week started off with a bang, or more aptly put, a loss. On my way out the door Monday morning, I discovered my wallet wasn't in my bag. Or my room. Or my house. Or anywhere else. I had used it the day before when I had walked over to Yoshi's for some sushi. Gone.

I went to work but not before retracing my steps back to Yoshi's, scanning the ground for my wallet to no avail. My guess was that if it wasn't still at Yoshi's, where I intended to call when they opened a couple of hours later, my wallet had probably fallen out of my jacket pocket as I cut through the park on my way home. I came up dry.

I went to work and called Yoshi's around eleven. They didn't have my wallet. I left work and went home to conduct a thorough search of my house. If the wallet wasn't to be found, I needed to take swift action to cancel cards, etc. Again, I came up dry.

It was a long day. I took care of everything I could. Fortunately, I only had a few dollars cash in my wallet. What wasn't so fortunate was the fact that I had just placed two checks, one from the IRS and one from Jana, who I dog-sat for, in it before it became lost. I hadn't endorsed them, but was still concerned someone might successfully cash them.

It took a few days for Jana to put a stop on the check. About two hours after she informed me via text that she'd done it, I got a text from Evangeline, who informed me that she found my wallet on our front porch. Someone must have returned it. We don't use our porch in the winter, so it was a good thing she spotted it while looking for a package she was hoping UPS had dropped off. Despite having taken measures to replace virtually everything in it, it was nice having the wallet returned with everything in it. A true act of kindness it was.

Throughout the ordeal, I was able to put my Buddhist practice into use by being mindful and not getting caught up in thoughts of despair and cynicism. It wasn't easy, but it was educational. I learned the value of skillful thought, of dealing with only the tangible aspects of my situation. And, again, it was nice, a blessing really, being on the receiving end of a kind act.
--

Last night was Tracy and Ray's annual Pub Quiz. As usual it was a fun time. These days, it's not an easy feat getting a lot of our friends together in one place; this event makes it happen every year. Not everyone can make it, but the turnout is always good. The quiz was fun and raucous as it usually is. Ray told me he had begun preparing for it around Thanksgiving. I think he started earlier than that, like late summer. My team came in second place. I took home some coffee and chocolate as a prize. Not bad. I ate the chocolate already, in case you're wondering. I'll bring the coffee to The Ultimate Perk tomorrow and see if someone there, hopefully Mary, will grind the beans for me. I'll pledge to do her chores for a month if she does.

I don't know how it could ever happen, but rather than a few hours in a night, I'd like to spend  a weekend with the folks I saw last night (and the ones who weren't able to make it). I think that would be a blast. But, hey, I'm not complaining; the few hours were well worth it.
 --
 What else? Well, I've been listening a lot of Death Grips and Robert Wyatt. Strange bedfellows I suppose, but what can I say, I have divergent tastes. I've been continuing with my Wheel of Time re-read, something I put on hold for the last several months. I'm on The Fires of Heaven and only have about a thousand pages to go. By the time I get to the books Brandon Sanderson wrote to conclude the series after Jordan passed away, I may be in my sixties. We'll see.

I'm thinking if life would toss me a bone in the relationship department, well that would be alright with me. It's time.

More tattoos on the horizon? Yes, just a matter of when. It's possible I may get one or two as a Christmas present to myself. Not sure, though, because there are other things I could use. Like a new TV. After buying one for my mother, I realized mine could stand to be replaced. I don't watch it that often, but it would be nice to have a new one to watch movies on . We'll see.

Alright, readers, time to go. Man, I miss Missy D. It's only been a week since I last saw her, but she's my girl and I miss her. Don't tell Spira, but it's Missy D. I want to see the most whenever I visit. Actually, Spira knows this. Ha!

Anyway, peace, and don't forget to eat your vegetables and scrub behind your ears and all that good stuff.


Sunday, November 30, 2014

At last I am free, I can barely see in front of me

It's about four in the afternoon and I've only had an orange to eat today. Granted, it was a big one, but I've been active all day and am just now starting to get hungry. This is almost the direct result of having eaten too much since Thanksgiving. Too much, but not of the caliber of many, many gluttons that thrive during the holidays. Still, I over did it and the food I was eating wasn't as light and healthy as I've been used to. I barely got any sleep Friday night; I was, you see, in the grips of crummy tummy and got very friendly with Jana's bathroom.

Jana is the name of the woman whose dogs I took care of over the last several days. Two bulldogs, Lance and Lola. Not a bad gig at all, especially considering how much I got paid, but I'm glad to be home. The dogs are very nice and friendly. They also:

1.Lick each other all over pretty much every second they're awake. The sounds that emit are slick and wet and gurgly. Jana's place is pretty small; I wore headphones a lot.

2.Snore loudly.

3. Drool everywhere.

4 Sit and stare off into the distance when they're not licking each other.

5. Don't like going for walks. Anyway, they don't really walk as much as shuffle.

Basically, I was living with aliens for several days.


Thanksgiving was okay. It was spent at my mom's and, while not being a bad experience, it wasn't spectacular. Kind of lukewarm. It happens.

Last week I decided I wanted to get my mom a new TV for Christmas. I probed my sister about going in one together, but she wasn't sure she could contribute much. That was fine; I pretty much wanted to do it on my own. After some research with Spira, I decided I was going to order one online but things changed after a sushi dinner at Ebi's last night. Spira wanted to stop at Target. I said fine and because I've aligned myself with the universal laws of intention, I found pretty much the same TV for my mom that was cheaper and wouldn't have to be shipped. Like a boss, son.

I am thrilled I'm able to do this for my mom. Her TV is pretty old and on its way out. She needs a new one.

Alright, I need to get some food, probably sushi again. Talk to ya later, children.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

She was just jumping out of her flesh and I said "Cash in!"

Today wasn't so bad but it was stacked with a lot of little annoyances. I rode the waves and made it to shore a little worn but with my dignity, and all the stuff one can lose when one forgets to be mindful, intact. My new boots arrived today. I wasn't too thrilled to see the box on the front stairs, nor was I thrilled that one of lace hooks had snapped off. One of those days. I like the boots and, you know, today wasn't so bad.

My former coworker, Therese, lost her son a couple of months ago. He allegedly shot himself in the head but it seems likely he was murdered, whether accidentally or with intent. He was living in Florida and his career as a meteorologist was starting to blossom. His family and friends claim he was not suicidal. The story has gone national. I just watched Therese on Good Morning America. Kind of surreal and entirely sad.

I listen to the Big Three Podcast pretty much every day, which means I'm laughing pretty much every day. For that reason alone, I can say with all sincerity that it's one of the most essential aspects of my life. I wish I knew someone who was into it. Maybe I do - who knows. There is the FB fan club if I need to consort with other enthusiasts.


Friday is upon us. That is good. I hope it is sexy and transcendent.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

You say you're lonesome just getting by, but you turn your eyes from me

Earlier, I was listening to some takes from the last Ignore Emporium practice. It's still early on, but we're dialed in with each other (I'm talking about me, Michelle, and Janelle, if you don't know). I knew I was going to enjoy singing with them, but what's been happening is beyond my expectations. The chemistry is there; it was evident during our first practice. When we start playing live - and we will - I think we're going to turn some heads. Mine's been spinning.

Beginning the day before Thanksgiving, I'll be dog sitting for one of Spira's neighbors. I'll be staying with the dogs (two bulldogs) at her place (the neighbor's, not Spira's) through the weekend. Because I'll be watching two dogs, I'll be making twice as much. I could use some extra scratch; this could be lucrative. Not bad getting paid to hang out with dogs. I like doing that for free!

Still been listening to Genesis's The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway. I didn't see it coming, not really, but it's one of the best pieces of music I've ever heard. When I listen to the song "The Lammia", I tear up just about every time. Not because of the lyrical content, but because it's a fucking brilliant, beautiful song. It moves me on visceral level. The whole album does; it contains just about everything I adore in music.

I'm listening to Van Halen's Diver Down as I type. It serves as a counterweight to all the Genesis I've been devouring. It's a fun album.

Slowly but surely I've been updating my wardrobe. I've been in desperate need of new clothes for a while.Especially shoes.I visited the New Balance outlet in Lawrence after work last week and picked up a nice pair of sneakers at a good discount. Last week, I bought a pair of boots online (I've been eying this pair for a long time; glad I found them again; I'd lost touch) and then a couple of days later got a cool pair of dress shoes from the same site. For quality shoes, I paid less than the flimsy, shoddily constructed ones I used to buy at PayLess. I bargained hunted like a boss, son!

In addition to the shoes, I've also picked up a ton of socks (I was down to about three pairs), a new coat, and a couple of pairs of pants. And I'm not done. Hey, it's good to update your wardrobe every so often. Know what I'm sayin'?

Ok, off to do other things like meditate and write lyrics. Maybe a cold shower at some point (still going strong!) and possibly, but most definitely, will have a few puffs of some sweet, sweet, cannabis!

Cheers, lovers.

Sunday, November 9, 2014

You've got to get in to get out

The weekend is almost over. I feel like I could have used a couple of more days. I've been feeling restless lately, agitated. Not present, not mindful. My yoga practice has felt it; sessions have been shorter and rushed. Still, I've done what I can to get through it, keeping in mind the arising and passing of all phenomena. It will pass. Everything does.

So there's been restlessness and agitation but not across the board. I just completed a few songs I created on Garage Band I'd been poking at for months. With these, I've shown more patience than I usually do. The songs aren't perfect, but I like them quite a bit, particularly because I've spent so much time with them and also because I pushed the envelope a bit, at least regarding the way I typically write.

Listening to Genesis's The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway as I write. I took me a long time to finally get around to exploring it and I'm glad I finally did. So far, it's my favorite album of theirs. The whole band shines, but it's Peter Gabriel that sticks out for me. You can tell he really put everything he had into it. I wonder if he knew while making it that it would be his last album with the band.

Evangeline is having people over for game night. I'm not in the mood to partake or, rather, I am, but there are other things I'd rather do to wrap up the weekend. Think I need to decompress a bit. I am, after all, a card carrying introvert.

Spira and I went out for Vietnamese food last night. It's quite possible my favorite food, especially the Bun vermicelli dishes. As we ate, Spira spoke again about moving to Hawaii. She would like me to join her, but I don't think it's feasible for me, at least not in the next several months. I'm not against the idea of moving, but that's a MOVE and I've never even been there. Anyway, it bummed me out a bit knowing that eventually she'll move there and I'll hardly ever see her. Ah, but who knows what the future will bring?

I wrapped up Boardwalk Empire today. I wasn't entirely satisfied with how the show ended, but it consistently impressed me. I will miss it.

Alright, pumpkins, I'll smell you later.




Thursday, October 30, 2014

And the mouse police never sleep

Alright, let's get right to it - no dilly, no dallying - and put another dent into reader mail. Excited? Me, too!


I found your blog through a Larry McMurtry search. You haven't mentioned him in a while. He's my favorite author. How do you rank him?

Lizabeth12


Well, Lizabeth12, he ranks very high with me. The Lonesome Dove and Berrybender  books floored me. When I first started reading Lonesome Dove, I expected it to be a well-written, serious western. Instead what I got was a well-written (so fucking well written!) rollicking adventure that had a welter of twists and turns, drama, humor, sorrow, you name it! The closest thing to his westerns that I've read is George R.R. Martin's Song of Ice And Fire series, another favorite of mine. Despite being in the throes of four books right now, I've got the strong urge to read some McMurtry. Can I resist the urge long enough to finish one or two first? We'll see.




I've tried meditating before but honestly I think it doesn't work. At least not for me. I gave it a couple of weeks and didn't feel any change. What do you get out of it?

theBaron&Duke

I've been a meditator most of my adult life. I've utilized various methods, including the use of a mantra, visualization, and giving attention to the breath. I've gone long stretches meditating daily followed periods of no meditating at all. When I meditate consistently, I benefit in different ways, some subtle, some overt. I could go into more detail, but I won't because I want to get on with this post. Here's the deal with meditation:

When you sit still in a quiet place for an extended period of time, you will be hooked again and again by thoughts. It happens to beginners and adepts alike. Our minds are overgrown, unkempt gardens. Or, as Chogyam Trungpa put it, "The human realm is a huge traffic jam of discursive thought". I've talked to so many people who've abandoned their practice early on because they felt they were doing it wrong or weren't good at it. "No matter how hard I try, I can't quiet my thoughts" is a common complaint. Having thoughts while meditating is to be expected. Our minds are constantly churning them out and usually we are at their beck and call. Meditating gives us the opportunity to acknowledge the rising and falling of thoughts that manifest as craving, grasping, desire without becoming attached to them. During almost every session I get hooked by thoughts right out of the gate. Some are stickier than others but eventually I reach a place of quiet; the sea may be stormy on its surface but not at its lower depths.

When I meditate frequently I'm more discerning about which thoughts I heed and I get hooked less frequently. This results in a calmer demeanor and more skillful decision making, among other things. Maybe in another post I'll expand on the topic and riff about the appearance of synchronicity and a stronger sense of intuition that comes with a consistent meditation practice.




I had a debate with a friend about whether smoking cigarettes is a form of suicide. I think it is. How about you?

DeezEjacobs


I wouldn't go so far to classify it as suicide but I see where you're coming from.I'd say it's more of a gamble. When I smoked, I wasn't trying to end things; I took the gamble that I'd escape the habit's adverse effects, which are many. I'm so glad I quit; it's such a satanic habit and it had me under its spell for too long. I'm also glad that more and more people are quitting. I rarely encounter smokers these days. That is a good thing.




Alright, lovers, time to wrap this up. I didn't get to all of it, but I made some headway.

Cheers!





Friday, October 24, 2014

In the fields the bodies burning, as the war machine keeps churning

Friday is here and so am I, back to deliver what I'm sure will be an award-winning post. Time will tell. Well, let's get on with it. It occurred to me during the week that I've been neglectful of reader (virtual) mail; I decided to address some of it in an effort to be more accommodating to you my loyal readers. Let's begin.


You seem to like music. What have you been listening to?
-Coralndubs

Here's a sampling, Coralndubs.

1. Jethro Tull's Thick As A Brick
2. Grizzly Bear's Friends
3. Department of Eagle's In Ear Park
4. Badfinger's Straight Up
4 The Who's The Who By Numbers
5. Patrick Watson's Adventures In Your Own Backyard 
6.  The Budos Band's Burnt Offering 

I've also been listening to the small voice within.


Glad to hear you went ahead and got tattoos. Will you get more in the future or is this it?
-Mythmaker09

I am most definitely going to get more. Probably a half sleeve on at least one arm. Just have to decide what I want and put aside some money. I'll be spending more next time around, to be sure.


I used to like reading about The Shitter. You didn't write about him too much to begin with, but then you quit entirely. Can you give me an update?
-Tammi-doe-a-deer11

The Shitter has upped his game. He's constantly in the bathroom shitting. If I'm in the men's room with him at least four times a day and he's shitting every time (trust me, he's shitting - my ears and nose can attest to that) , that's a lot of shitting! And those are just the times I'm aware of; I have to assume he's in the bathroom shitting when I'm not around. Dude, maybe you should change your diet.


One change you've made that has paid off. Go!
-Rusty00

A little over a year ago, I stopped listening to the radio, particularly sports radio. I don't know why it took me so long. What a waste of fucking time that was.



It's late so I'm going to have to finish these another time.


Peace, lovers

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

The killer awoke before dawn, he put his boots on

I don't post much these days, as you can tell if you're a regular reader of this blog. I'm not one for making declarations, so I'll probably never come out and say I'm retiring, but, to put it bluntly, this has become somewhat of a chore for me and it's seldom that I feel inspired to write.

Maybe I need to shake things up, be more adventurous. This blog has been reduced to me recounting events in my life and not much more. Kind of boring, especially considering all the juicy stuff I leave out. And boring posts make me yawn and not want to write. And if I don't want to write, then what the fuck am I writing for?

So here's the deal: I do think I need to shake things up a bit if I'm going to continue. So stay tuned; if I'm inspired you'll be hearing from me. Otherwise....well, who knows.

Nighty, night

Monday, October 13, 2014

Makes it easy to make it hard, take an inch take a yard

I've been home for a couple of days. Spira has been feeling better but is still weak. Thursday was her worst day and the blood test results were still outstanding. She wasn't getting better and there were no answers. I was distracted all day at work with worry; I tried to keep balanced, but it wasn't happening for any length of time.

When I got Spira's place after work, she answered the door and two things were immediately evident: she was upright and she was smiling. She was feeling better. For the first time in well over a week she was feeling better. I hugged her; I couldn't believe it. As she told me about the sandwich she ate earlier, the first solid food she'd had in a while, I was misty with gratitude. She was still sick, but it didn't matter: she was feeling better.

We still don't know exactly what type of virus she has, but it's a real asshole. Test results from her blood work are still trickling in. In the meantime, Spira's health improves and and I thank the Universe on my knees. It was a rough ride.

--

Craig came up on Friday and we got dinner at Yoshi's and walked over to Anthony's on Highland to see the Red Telephone play. Saw some people I hadn't seen in years. A nice reunion. The band put on a good set and there was a lot of good cheer.

Afterward, Craig and I came back to my place for some smoke,listened to some music and talked. We hadn't hung out like that in a long time. The next morning, we went to Kelly's for breakfast. I got the special, which involved three eggs, toast, bacon, sausage, and hash browns. I'm not going to lie to you: I cleaned my plate despite having the feeling I wouldn't be able to. Every once in a while it's okay to overindulge. Clearly I didn't follow the Buddha's practice of stopping five bites before I felt full. Well, hold on, I never really felt full, so perhaps I followed the instructions to the letter. Oh, who knows.

Well, that's enough outta me for a bit. My tattoos continue to heal - almost there - and I think it's possible I'll have more work done sooner than later. We'll see. My yoga practice continues to grow and is more intuitive than ever. What else? Well, I'm listening to Badfinger and reading from Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche's The Myth of Freedom, King's 11/23/63, and Goldstein's Mindfulness. I'm close to wrapping up the last season of The Walking Dead and once I do I'll probably catch up with Boardwalk Empire. I don't watch much of anything these days, but when I do, I make it count, like a champ.

Bye

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

It's been a long time, now I'm coming back home

I've been staying at Spira's since Friday. She's sick and not getting better. We still don't know what she has, though lyme disease, hepatitis, and malaria have been offered up as possibilities by the various doctors she's seen. Every inch of her is in pain. Her joints are inflamed, she can barely get around. The fever hasn't let up since early last week. Last night there was some vomiting. Every day seems to add another symptom.

I hope we find out what the hell is going on so the road to recovery can begin. They gave her pain meds today; that is a start. I wish they had done that to begin with, but when we first went to Urgent Care the joint pain and the headaches hadn't arrived yet.

I'll stay at her place as long as she needs me to. I feel so bad, helpless.Still, I'm doing what I can, making sure she's as comfortable as possible. And I'm staying as positive and even-keeled as I can; I need to be stable for her. Occasionally, I'm able to make her laugh.

Alright, it's off with me. Need to pack a few things and head out.

Hare Krishna!

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Hang fire, hang fire, put it on a wire

Heading into last weekend, I knew the conditions were in place for me to get the tattoos I'd been planning on getting for weeks. Everything was coming together seamlessly, which is how it goes, I believe, when you have an intention and feed it regularly with enthusiastic attention whilst maintaining an uncluttered mind that has ears to hear and eyes to see.

By Friday, I had narrowed down what I wanted my tattoos to be. After weeks of research, I decided to forgo getting mandalas on my wrists because I learned they would lose definition over time. And since I was determined to have tattoos on my wrists I decided to go with a simpler, but equally meaningful, image: the om symbol. Simple but powerful: the sound of creation.

I decided, more intuited, that I wanted the Hindu script on my left wrist and Tibetan script on the right. I also left room for other ideas should they arise; I didn't want to be too rigid. I was confident I'd end up with the om symbols, though, because I was seeing them on my arms sometimes when my eyes were closed and sometimes when they weren't. Soft images, unbeckoned.

After my morning meditation on Saturday, I called Spira and she was receptive to the idea of coming with me to get my tattoos, which was great because all along I wanted her to be there with me, though I would have gone on my own if need be. I even convinced her to get one of her own, though she didn't need much convincing. I went to her place and we printed out the symbols I wanted and she printed out some sacred geometry images she was interested in. I considered going that route, but wasn't sure if one of them, particularly the flower of life, would fit on my wrists.

We went to a place called Skin Art in Cambridge, not far from Spira's place. She had been there before and had a good experience. Early on in the process, I had asked people I knew with tattoos for advice. Everyone was helpful, but most of them recommended a place that was a long drive away with waiting lists that could take weeks or months. I was also told there would be a consultation visit. Because I was planning on simple tattoos on my wrists, I didn't think it was unreasonable to expect to walk into a place and have it done on the spot. If I was getting something more complicated, then it would be a different story. So, the fact that Spira and I were doing this local as walk-ins was just what I wanted.

We met with a guy named Ed who said he could take us right away. We came at the right time; not long after people, including a group of college girls who wanted Red Sox "B" tattoos, started coming in. After a while, people were being turned away.

Ed went to work on me first. It definitely wasn't a pleasurable feeling, but it wasn't quite painful. It helped having Spira there to chat with. Overall, it was an enjoyable experience. It took about 45 minutes for both wrists. I had no "What have I done?" moment, no remorse. Once the tattoos were applied, it was as if they belonged. Spira's tattoo, the seed of life symbol on her arm, took about the same length of time as both of mine. We were both giddy; it was fun getting tattoos together.

Everyone with tattoos says once you get one, you'll want more. I wanted more right away. I'll sit with these a while and maybe in a couple of months, I'll see where I'm at. In the meantime, I'm still tending to the ones I have, letting them heal.

I wasn't sure how my mother would feel about this development, but she was really cool about it. She told me she was happy that I did something for myself, that I hardly indulge myself. She even said she liked them. Perhaps she would have had a different reaction if I got them was I 18. Who knows.

So there you go. I feel great about what I did. When I meditate and practice yoga all I have to do is look at my wrists for inspiration. These tattoos, more than vanity, bolster my commitment to the spiritual path, which is never ending. I'm glad I did this. It felt right.


Wednesday, September 24, 2014

I'd say you make a perfect angel in the snow

I've been back home since Sunday night and the desire to move out of this place hit me like a rush of foul air the second I walked in the door. This wasn't a shock to my system; the itch to move has been a slow boil for a while now. I like my roommates -they are mellow, nice people- but the word clean is not in their vocabulary. I'm convinced I could leave a bowl of cornflakes in the middle of the kitchen floor, leave for two weeks, and it would still be there when I returned. I'm the only one who does any cleaning and, you know, I'm not bitter or even angry. They just have different ideas about cleanliness. So it falls on me and I'm only willing to do so much without help. I stay in my room a lot.

There are other reasons I want to move. It's time. It was probably time a year or two ago. I'd like to have my own place or live in one with other like-minded people. I desire more space, less clutter (this has more to do with my own than my roommates).What keeps me here is the location (though I might be getting tired of the city), low rent and the fact that, cleaning issues aside, I like my roommates.  Oh, and this is a big one: I'm not sure I can afford another place. Even with the raise I just got.

That's right, a raise. I've been with the company for six years and never asked for a raise. Part of the reason is because of how slow we were for some time. I never felt it was the appropriate time. My bosses, Jeff and Chris, went to bat for us when things looked bleak; I knew they were taking a hit financially. I felt it safe to assume raises weren't on the menu. The other reason, frankly put, is I was afraid to ask. I imagined my request would be denied for all sorts of reasons, some of which were based on logic and others on my inaccurate sense of worth. It was easier in my mind not to ask. Meanwhile, I struggled to make ends meet. Oh, the things we put ourselves through.

I was talking to Kat one day about my financial situation. I told her I'd been looking for jobs. She asked me what I was currently making at my present one. I told her with some embarrassment. She emphatically said I should be making considerably more given the work I do. "Keep looking for work", she said, "but in the meantime you should ask for a raise." She was right and I was finally in a place where I responsive to that advice; the grip of torpor and fear that for so long had me under its  spell had weakened.

On Monday I went into Jeff's office and asked for a raise. His response was "I'll tell you what I told the last person who asked for a raise. Chris and I have put $35,000 into this business to keep it afloat. I haven't received a check in a long while. Still, I'll talk it over with Chris tonight and get back to you."

I left his office. I wasn't upset. I had already readied myself for this type of response. The asking alone was a victory. A few minutes later, he called me back into his office. "Kevin, I was just thinking about this and you should get a raise. I'm sorry, I thought we'd given you one before. I'll discuss it with Chris and get back to you."

And he did. The next day he called me back into his office and offered me a two dollar raise, which I accepted. I'm still not making a lot, but every little bit helps. And again, the asking alone was a victory for me. I'm still going to look for other work, but this felt good.

--

Listening to Grizzly Bear. I was listening to them a lot around the time my dad died and haven't listened to them much since for obvious reasons. Welcome back, Grizzly Bear! 

I plunge deeper into the spiritual life and I feel lighter, more confident, increasingly liberated. Reading Mindfulness has kept the Buddha's teachings in the forefront of my mind. I'm ever vigilant of the hindrances of the mind and employ skillful thoughts more and more. I see how much suffering we inflict on ourselves through attachment and the denial of impermanence, which is the nature of life. And I continue to chant the mahamantra. We don't have to go through this life unaided.

All right, puppies, time to split.

Hare Krishna!




Saturday, September 20, 2014

The kids would all sing, he would take the wrong key

It's a quiet Saturday morning. I just watched an excellent breakdown of what I've thought for a long time to be one of the best videos of a sasquatch filmed by one of my favorite researchers, TimberGiantBigfoot. The man who provided the breakdown goes by the name ThinkerThunker and with each video he puts out, I'm more impressed. I like that he's thorough and thoughtful in his analysis and isn't afraid to employ Occam's razor even when it defies preconceived notions.

This provides some vindication for TGB, who, for reasons I've never understood, has come under a lot of fire for being a hoaxer by other Bigfoot researchers. I've seen scores of so-called Bigfoot videos  and photos and have a discerning eye. Only a small percentage of what I've seen do I believe to be authentic. I've never had any red flags with TGB. Here's why:

1. He's released close to 500 videos since 2010. Out of those videos only a handful feature what might be an actual Bigfoot (he filmed the one in question a little over a year ago). There is compelling evidence in most of his videos, but only stuff nerdy Bigfooters like myself would be into (tracks, tree breaks, whoops, etc.). If he's hoaxing, he's being very subtle about it. Where's the payoff? I don't know.

2. He lives in a small town in Ontario and seems like a very humble family man who, aside from his YouTube channel, does not seek publicity. Heck, he frequently brings his children, who've had their own sightings, out in the field with him. If he's hoaxing, this means his kids are complicit.

3.  Many researchers suffer from pareidolia, i.e. they see things that aren't really there, like the way one might see a cloud in the sky that resembles Sean Connery. TGB will point out shapes in the trees and speculate whether it could be a Bigfoot, but hardly ever definitively concludes one way or another. Not so with some of his subscribers, who see bigfoot in every other frame. A recent video had people leaving scores of comments about a clear shot of a massive squatch that TGB somehow overlooked. TGB went back to the location and discovered that it was a tree with limbs splayed in such a way that made it look like a bipedal creature. Hoaxers generally don't do things like that.

The people who claim TGB is a hoaxer never offer any tangible proof. One guy, who, in my estimation, is a hoaxer, and a poor one at that, claims the video in question featured one of his sons wearing a monkey suit. If true, it would be the best monkey suit I think I've ever seen. And it would be atypical in that it was a reddish hue and not the typical black. Whether it's a Bigfoot cannot be established irrefutably, but whatever it is, it's massive. TGB's kids are pretty young. His eldest is probably in his late teens and lanky. He would not be able to maneuver in that "monkey suit".  Anyway, if that indeed is a monkey suit, it would be an expensive one, even as a rental. And you don't see much of it in the video, which means TGB didn't get his money's worth.

So there you go. Not a hoaxer and, if he keeps this up, TGB will capture even more compelling evidence.
--

It's my last full day in Andover. I'll do some yoga and meditate and then see what's going on for later. Actually, I'm going to be a busy fella, it appears, so you may or may not be hearing from me for a bit. Depending on how you feel about this blog, this could be a good thing.

Anyway, I hope to find some time to watch Robert Redford's lost at sea movie, All Is Lost, and continue reading from Mindfulness.

Peace out.



Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Blood is the rose of mysterious union

I have access to cable TV here at Janelle and Bill's place, but I've only had it on once and only for about ten minutes. Know what I watched? Some Cosby Show, son! Good, clean fun that show was. Had a positive vibe but didn't get too preachy. I haven't been keeping up with sitcoms, but it seems to me most of them are kind of cynical in tone. But don't take my word for it - I'm the guy who hasn't watched TV in years. Anyway, The Cosby show was something special.

Of course, in a way I do watch TV, just online and not that often. And best of all, (mostly) commercial free. Man, when I get around a TV and a commercial comes on, I feel like puking in my mouth. Fairly often, someone will ask me if seen such and such a commercial. After I explain my TV situation and tell them how offensive I find commercials to be, they usually say something to the effect of "Well, this one is soooo funny!"  Maybe so, but all I see is someone doing whatever it takes to get into my pants. Maybe I'm uptight, but that's some unsavory shit. 

I'm not sure, I lost track at some point, but I think I'll be hitting my 10 year anniversary as concerns quitting smoking in a couple of months. I won't be marking it on my calendar or celebrating in any way - I'm not even sure this is something I'm proud of - but it is nice to reflect back every so often and feel good about a decision I made. 

It's such a disgusting, insidious, habit. It enslaves and kills you slowly, all the while convincing you that you can't live without it. Glad I stopped being its bitch.

Alright, well here's the deal: time to go. I think I want to practice some yoga and meditate and yada yada yada. Might watch the second Hobbit installment on my iPad (can't believe I haven't seen it yet and would prefer watching it on a larger screen, but I'll watch in the dark with a pair of headphones on. Won't be so bad. 


Peace out, rascals!

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Maybe she can rest a while, maybe she will show her smile

I had a two hour nap this afternoon. To the extent that I take naps, which is seldom, I hardly ever sleep longer than 45 minutes. Well, today I was in a quiet house and I probably needed to catch up on some sleep. I ended up going to bed late last night and woke up early to take out Pooch Edward Bottoms. The other day I learned the Hare Krishna Mahamantra, the power of which I kept hearing about from various sources. I fell asleep to a recording of the chant this afternoon. Maybe that contributed to my lengthy slumber. Who knows.

Hare Krishna Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare, Hare Rama Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare....

If you're concerned I'll shave my head and  start wearing a robe, don't worry. I have no plans of becoming a devotee, but I'm trying the chant and if it is effective, I'll continue with it. Chanting is powerful stuff, but I can see why, especially if you have little or no involvement with it, you might be skeptical. But, look, I don't need to answer to you, so fuck off! See how spiritual I am?

For well over a week I've been researching tattoos. Yes, after many years on this planet, I've decided I want to get a couple. The idea feels right on numerous levels. What I want to do is get either matching or two separate mandalas on the underside of each wrist. There are so many negative images in this world, I like the idea of having positive, comforting, and possibly transformative images I can look at any time. Talismans.Also, having mandalas on my wrist will be a reminder for me to keep on the spiritual path. 

So I've been looking at lots and lots of mandalas and seeing which ones speak to me. Many have, but there's one from Carl Jung's Red Book that is the leading contender. It could very well be the one - probably have it on both wrists - but I want to make sure I know enough about it before I proceed. If it's somehow a cursed image or representative of something I don't jive with, well, that would be good to know before I have it permanently scrawled on my body. 

The whole process has been thrilling and a little scary. I may have to wait a bit having it done. I've learned that it's kind of an involved process getting a tattoo. There's a consultation and often times a lengthy waiting list. Guess it depends on where you go. I thought it would be simpler than that, but I'm new to this game. Still, I'd like to have it done sooner than later. It seems things have been sliding in place for this to work at this time. We'll see. And, you know, maybe I won't go ahead with it. I most definitely will, though. T'will be life affirming.

Alright, it's off with me. Perhaps I'll read from Mother Night this evening. Vonnegut is appropriate almost always. 

G'night, puppies.

Friday, September 12, 2014

You know the future's many dreams away

It is Friday and I am hanging out with the Baby Boy Z. My commute home from work was ten minutes. That has been an exquisite feature of my house sitting stint. Zico is licking my bare leg. Hold on....

I think he needs to go out.

I'm back. Z dragged his heels a bit near the end of the walk so he could eat grubs in the field. I'm surprised he had enough room for supper, but he ate heartily upon our return. I, too, had dinner, minus the grabs. An absolutely lovely salad I ate, which included some tomato from Janelle's garden. I'm all about pesticides and GMO, but every once in a while it's nice to eat something fresh.

I started reading Joseph Goldstein's Mindfulness last night. More and more I see how being mindful, embodying the teachings of The Buddha, is the way to go, perhaps the only way to go. At least for me. Most religions, when you get past the dogma and other bullshit, teach pretty much the same thing, but in different ways. All roads lead to Rome.

Yes, kittens, I am trying to engineer my own evolution so that I may be of better service to myself and the likes of you. Or something like that.

Ok, you got a lengthy post last night, so I'm going to wrap this up. I'll be back soon.

In the meantime, I will go practice some yoga, work on some music (I'm eager to get cracking with the ladies upon Janelle's return from France), meditate, horse around with Pooch Edward Bottoms, and read.

G'night, supplicants.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

She lives on love street, lingers long on love street

I bet you thought I was never coming back. Well, child, here I am, ready to reveal every secret, every hope and dream, everything that is stored deep in the caverns of my skull.

Or not. Actually, definitely not. It would be impossible and anyway you definitely do not want access  to the lower, hidden depths of my being. No, sir, you do not. Even Billy knows better not plumb the depths of me.

What I will do is provide you with a general accounting of certain aspects of my life (insert yawn here). Thrilling, I know, but whatever. I don't get paid to do this, ya dig?

Really, though, I do try to be thoughtful about what I write about here, especially as concerns other people. As you know, I don't often reveal too much about other people in this blog, and when I do it's because I've determined the material won't embarrass or incriminate them. The reason I bring this up is because I have some good material, but am not sure what I want to divulge. Whatever, let's get this dog and pony show on the road.
--

I finally got to go camping this year. Near the end of last week, Kat invited me to join her for the weekend at the New England Brewfest up in Tamworth, NH. I'm not much of a beer connoisser, especially as concerns home brewing, but it sounded fun, especially the part about camping on site, and it's important to be spontaneous and do stuff in life that might actually be fun.

So both us were able to get out of work early on Friday and from Kat's place up in Manchester we took her blue box truck/camper up to Tamworth. We stopped for groceries and grabbed dinner at a cozy little restaurant on the way.

I didn't know what to expect, but I was glad that I didn't talk myself out of the trip. We arrived at the campground a little after sunset. The festival was in full effect in a field near the entrance. Kat's friend, Jodi, had reserved us a camp site at the end of a dirt road in the woods, the far perimeter of the campground. A fine location; we could experience some quiet and wouldn't be subjected to sounds of revelry coming from the festival.

Because Kat's truck had screened windows and a large bunk in the back, we didn't have to worry about setting up tents. This was good, because it was pretty dark in those woods. We unpacked a bit and then met up with Kat's friends, which was pretty much Jodi and her family, at the fairground. We were given cups and went around to some of the brewer's booths to sample some beer, all of which was strong in flavor and not very much to my liking.

The next day was more of the same, but with other activities mixed in. Kat had brought a couple of mountain bikes and I spent the good chunk of early part of the day riding through the campground. I hadn't ridden a bike in years and it was thrilling! I was pleased to discover that not only did it all come back to me fairly quickly, but my body didn't have an adverse reaction to the activity. No, I felt as hale, or seemingly so, as when I was I younger. Perhaps all the yoga is paying off.

Perhaps.

Periodically, I'd join everyone at the fairground. I was all for drinking all day and into the night, but not with these beers (it wasn't until later on in the night when I found a booth with beers that didn't need to be eaten with a spoon). I ended up drinking some and then heading back to the camper to read some Gurdjief, the Russian philosopher/mystic. That was the pattern of the day, albeit with some modifications.

Throughout the day, I encountered people smoking grass who were kind enough to share. Since everyone was pretty much drunk at this event and I wasn't going to be doing that much drinking, my plan was to smoke a bunch. The plan came to fruition nicely. At some point I lost track of Kat. I saw her friend Mary at one point and she said Kat had gone off with a couple of people. I didn't see her until later on that evening.

I ended up by myself through the late afternoon into the evening. Part of me was ok with it but another part felt lonely. Every once in a while I'd see some of Kat's friends, but I didn't really have too much of a connection with them. And, you know, talking to a bunch of inebriated people when you're not is often kind of a drag. People get kind of dopey and unintelligible when they're in their drink. That is fine, no judgment here, but, unless I'm buzzed or drunk, too, it can be a drag. Fortunately, a really good bluegrass band called The Crunchy Western Boys took the stage when it got dark and played an amazing, flawless set. Kat's friend Mark, a fellow guitar player, was a big fan of the band and was thrilled they were booked at this event. We stood and watched together.

Near the end of their set, I walked back to the camper in the dark and read some more Gurdjieff.  I had an epiphany that I should go back and talk to the fiddle player from the band. "I bet he'll have some weed", I thought. I don't know why I thought this but there it was.

So I went back and, wouldn't you know it, hung out with the fiddle player by the side of the stage. He had a lit joint in hand when I approached. We talked music and smoked some. Weird and fortuitous  how that turned out.

The whole trip felt like a dream and that was because so much of what I saw and did had already played out in past dreams. No shit, man. Between feeling like I was in a dream almost the entire time and having my mind bent and trod upon by Gurdjief, I was really somewhere else. Felt good. I needed to be somewhere else. I was feeling oppressed in the city and pretty much everywhere else and needed to be outside in the woods. Good medicine.

As the night neared its end, I retired to our campsite and played some songs in the dark for a couple of hours. Two of Kat's friends had a tent nearby. They asked me to keep playing through the night if I could. That was nice to hear.

A good trip and I'm glad I went. One reason I like hanging out with Kat is because in a lot of ways she's fearless and not afraid to be spontaneous. She helps me get out of my comfort zone, which I'm not always inclined to do on my own. We had a good time.

Alright, this mega post needs to end. I'm house sitting for Janelle and Bill while they're away in France. Aside from some craziness with the Baby Boy Z yesterday, it's been nice having a quiet place to myself.

There is more to catch up on, but not tonight. I'll report back sooner than later.

Namaste

Monday, September 1, 2014

Won't you stay, we'll put on the day, and we'll wear it till the night comes

Perhaps it's because I haven't smoked in a while, but my dreams have been vivid. I'm keenly aware that the retelling of dreams is usually only interesting to the teller, but because I don't keep a dream journal, I'm going to jot down a few notes concerning a few I've had recently. Anyway, you're a skimmer, so it's not like I'll be putting you out.

Dream  #1

I came upon my cousin Erin at the laundromat on Broadway. I was surprised to see her out of context. Normally a positive person and achievement oriented, she professed to be down on her luck.

The scene shifted to a modest house near a beach in Costa Rica. My cousin approached an older couple who were embracing in their kitchen and separated them gently, guiding the man over to me as she held the hand of the woman.

I didn't feel right about interrupting the lives of these strangers, but suddenly I found myself engaging in a goofy kind of waltz with this man while my cousin did the same with the woman. We danced around the house.

I have no idea where this dream came from.

Dream # 2

This occurred last night or, rather, this morning. I've been having dreams of being involved with different women at various stages of romantic involvement. They're great while they last but it sucks when I wake up.
Yeah, so I was in bed with a woman who reminded me of Kristen Wiig. It was morning and we were engaged in a light session of fooling around. I got the sense we didn't know each that well but were about to be a couple (a running theme in these dreams of women). A person we both knew approached the bed and started talking to us. He didn't realize we had taken things to an amorous level. I didn't mind talking with him but I wanted him to leave for obvious reasons. He eventually did and my "mate" and picked up where we left off. As things picked up steam, she got up to use the bathroom. While she was gone I started waking up. I rebelled, struggled to keep myself there, but it all broke apart like wet tissue.

Booooooo!!

-

The Ignore Emporium family has expanded. Yesterday, Michelle, Janelle and I had our first practice at Janelle and Bill's place. It was a productive session. It was clear early on that we had good chemistry and a similar vision as to how to treat the music. It was gratifying working with others again. One of my favorite aspects of playing in a band was the practices, the rolling up your sleeves and getting some good work done ethic. I hope we keep this up - I think we will. Invigorating!

The weekend was long but almost over. The sinister forces are speeding up the apocalypse and summer's breath recedes making room for another projected brutal winter. Still, one finds reasons to carry on in loving defiance.

Peace, brothers and sisters.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Rejoice, rejoice, we had no choice

I've been looking for jobs every day and so far haven't found much of anything promising. It's been like sifting for gold at the edge of a nearly dry creek bed. Discouraging, yes, but also empowering inasmuch as I'm being proactive. Something will come along eventually. Just have to keep plugging away. The question is should I find a part time job to supplement my current one or get a new full time job? I'm exploring  my options.

And while I'm at it, I'm researching, albeit without much vigor so far, other career possibilities, like work at home jobs and yoga teacher training, which is looking better and better to me. I've worked a lot of shit jobs in my time and I'd like to find something that pays well and is gratifying. Can it happen? Sure, but sometimes I wonder as I scour hundreds of jobs a night that I'm either unqualified for or that have every appearance of being soul-sucking. I'll find something, just have to keep at it.
--
I had what may have been a paranormal experience yesterday. I was at my mom's house and had gone upstairs to the office (my old bedroom) to check something on her computer while she was out walking Mimi. After a few minutes I looked behind me and discovered the door was almost completely closed. I never close that door. When I use my mother's computer, it's usually for her benefit. I anticipated her joining me when she returned from her walk because I was researching toilet repair videos on YouTube (hers is having minor issues) and wanted to show her what I found. Closing the door would have signaled a need for privacy.

The office has two windows and both were shut. The AC was on in my mother's room across the hall cooling the entire upstairs, so I immediately ruled out a breeze from outside as the cause. Even if there was one, I doubt it would have had enough force to maneuver the door, which brushes against the carpet and doesn't swing loose. It was a hot day and I was in a small room with the windows shut. Even with the door open, it can get stuffy in there. Closing it would have been counter-intuitive.

I told my mother what happened when she joined me. She was nonplussed. I didn't mention it to her, but when I discovered the door was shut, I thought of my father.  During my last visit, I had asked my mother if she had encountered any ghostly activity since my father passed away. She said she hadn't and joked that my father probably couldn't wait to get out of there. I'm convinced there is genuine paranormal activity that occurs in the world; I'm just not sure what causes it. I'm not married to the idea that it was the ghost of my father that shut the door, but I won't rule it out.

And look, it could have been me that did it. Even though I think it implausible, it's still possible I was the cause. I was thinking about how I should articulate my search query on YouTube; I could have shut the door while ruminating about toilet parts (something I do more than you'll ever know), unaware on a conscious level that I did it. Who knows.

My gut tells me it wasn't me that did it. I'll leave it at that.
--
Boy, did I have a nightmare last night. I was alone in an ill-lit attic between two wide screen TVs  that were spaced about ten feet apart. Each were broadcasting liquid, trippy images of satanic imagery and symbols. One would draw me in close and when I managed to pry myself from its allure, I'd be drawn to the other. Back and forth I went, trapped between two masters. At one point I realized it was a dream and knew that the only way out of this was for me to wake up, but I barely had sovereignty over myself. It took a colossal, panicked effort, but I eventually woke up.

 Maybe I shouldn't have eaten five bowls of chili before bed. Well, it was Billy who suggested it. I'll have to have words with him.

I hope to have better dreams tonight. Perhaps my return to a regular meditation practice will pay off. We'll see.

Namaste, lovers.

Sunday, August 24, 2014

I taste thee and mentally say God, God, God

No camping for me this weekend. Man, I really wanted to go, but I didn't trust my car. Been having issues - might be a head gasket - and I didn't want to risk breaking down up in VT. I did, over the course of the weekend, have several instances when I said fuck it and came very close to throwing my tent and sundry in the car and taking my chances. But I didn't and I'm not sure if it was the right move. Had some cognitive dissonance going on.

Perhaps I needed to go through this, and by this I mean spending the weekend by myself in my head instead of being social with friends at a place I've come to cherish over the years. And, like I said, I really wanted to go - if I ever needed to get out of the city, it was this weekend. I had thought Spira was going to go, she had said as much, but when I texted her about it on Wednesday, she replied that she wasn't sure. And when I called her on Thursday night, she didn't pick up, so I left her a voice mail. She never called back. Not sure what that was about, but if I was going to hitch a ride with someone, it was her. So no ride.

I felt squirmy and conflicted for much of the weekend. Seemed like everyone was out having fun with their friends and families and here I was alone, no family, and friends off doing their own things. All the while, though, I didn't blame anyone and tried to see my predicament as a learning experience. For better or worse, I'm where I'm at because of my decisions. This illustrated plainly I need to be more self sufficient so that I don't have to rely on anyone else.

So I practiced a ton of yoga and worked on music. I even wrote and recorded a new song. I also went deep down some rabbit holes in terms of conspiracies and what not. I won't even bother getting into it here, but man there's some scary stuff going on. Still, I wasn't left in a corner, shivering and wild-eyed. No, just felt that much more awake. Lucid.

I tempered the dark with the light and listened to a lot of fine music. I purchased Lower Dens fantastic, kraut rock meets Beach House, Nootropics and Nina Simone's Live At Ronnie Scotts. Oh, yeah, I also received a letter from my bank letting me know my account info may be in nefarious hands. Security breaches abound. They won't get much from me, that's for sure. Ha!

I'm still determined to go camping. Probably won't be until two or three weeks. I don't expect I'll get many takers - that's how it goes these days, especially when it's this late in the season. That's alright. We used to have fifteen or twenty people on some of these trips. Things change. That will probably never happen again in my life. I'll deal with it.

Alright, lovers, keep the faith and what not.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Shapes of things before my eyes, just teach me to despise

Yesterday I got up at quarter past six without the aid of my alarm and practiced yoga for an hour. Good start to a day but it could be that I'm paying for it now. While I was staying at Spira's, her pillow configuration did a number on my neck and left shoulder. I was able to get past the consequent stiffness rather quickly, but it made its return last night; I don't know if the morning yoga was the cause or if it was my own pillow configuration that left me stiff and sore today. I kept waking up last night in an uncomfortable position; the pinched nerve in my neck or whatever the fuck it is, had asserted itself fairly early on.

It was not a great night, especially considering the dream I had about my dad. I can't remember much about it, save for the fact that I had parked a tractor trailer on his road and left it there over night while I slept at my apartment in Lowell (?) with my girlfriend, Yara, or a name similar to that. I went over to his house the next morning (I should establish here that in the dream it was my mother that had passed away) to move the truck and discovered it was parked in his driveway. I retrieved some of my belongings from it (homework, I think; guess I was attending college) and he came out of the house and confronted me about having to move the truck on my behalf. He was belligerent; it was clear he'd been drinking. It was not a friendly encounter. I went back to my place and hung out with Yara. It felt good having her there; we were clearly in love.

And then I woke up. No father, no girlfriend. At least my mother returned from the dead. There is that. Don't know what spawned the dream, but it probably had something to do with having visited with my mom after work yesterday. It may have been nothing, paranoia on my part, but it seemed like she was repeating herself a lot. Her mother had Alzheimer's... I really hope this is nothing. Oh, and the tractor trailer probably had to do with having one almost barrel into me on the highway yesterday because I wasn't going fast enough for him. Whatever.

So, yeah, last night wasn't a tip toe through the tulips.

Anyway

After reading about how much the occult influenced Twin Peaks, I decided to re-watch the first season and then, if things go well, watch the second season for the first time. Maybe I'll watch some tonight.

I cleaned up some of the backing vocals on the song I started recording the other day. I'll probably mix it tomorrow. Don't know if I'll post it to FB, but I might send it to a few people. It's pretty raw, but as I said in my last post, it's been with me for a while and hasn't been documented. I have a bunch of songs like that, many of which will never see the light of day. Sob.

Alright, it's probably time for me to wrap this up. Don't know about camping this weekend; I have to figure out how or if it's going down. Maybe I'll summon the nerve to ask Billy what he thinks. I'm only allowed one question every three weeks, so I'll have to phrase it thoughtfully.

Cheerio!

Monday, August 18, 2014

Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea

Salt or pepper? I'll take pepper because that's the name of the cute little boxer puppy that is now residing at our place. It took several months, but Fred finally adopted a dog. Pepper is about ten weeks old and only slightly more heavy than a loaf of bread. That will change. Evangeline has been giddy about this new development; she's wanted to live with a dog for years. It's possible she'll run off with Pepper. I'll be watching her carefully.

I just recorded a song that has been kicking around for years and has never been recorded. It's not the best performance, but at least it's documented. I added some harmonies and they sound pretty good. I think this song will be the first offering in the project I'm hoping will come to fruition. Stay tuned!

Without going into detail, mostly because I'm not exactly sure how it happened, I ended up losing about half of my recorded songs yesterday. I was able to recover all but one. Turned out well and the experience served as a reminder that I should back up the songs. So I made a few play lists and burned them on to a few discs. Close to two hundred songs preserved. Whew!

Had a good time with friends at Ray's party over the weekend. I gave him a card and wrote "wanker" inside it. No other sentiment, no signature. Nothing. That's how I roll, son. Anyway, we share a similar sense of humor, so there were no hard feelings. I think. Hmmm....it's possible he may have cried about it later on that night. I sometimes forget that words can hurt.

Oh, well.

So, yeah, it was a good time spent with good people. And even though I don't see many of them that often, it's always a pleasure when I do. We drank beers, sat around the fire pit, that sort of thing. Wish we had more time together.
--
It wasn't too much of an adjustment returning home after a five week absence. I did feel compelled to clean the bathroom and common areas pretty much immediately upon my return, though. Especially the bathroom  - holy fuck, the bathtub was caked with dirt and the toilet bowl looked like someone had spray painted rust inside it. No, sir, I could not have that. Other than that, the house was in relatively good shape.

Ah, but I'd like to move. Maybe out of the city, I don't know. Nothing against my roommates, but I'm getting older and would like to have my own place or at least live with a girlfriend or wife. And I'm not sure how many more New England winters I can take. We'll see.

Think I'm ready to attempt a morning yoga practice. I've been getting up earlier these days, so it won't be too much of a shock to my system. Seems like a good move; it will get my days off to a good start and I won't have to contend with extraneous noise; t'will be as placid as a dew covered leaf.

Oh, there's a new episode of The Leftovers for me to watch! Perhaps I'll do so tonight. Haven't watched much of anything lately, but I did watch Ozu's Late Spring last night. He made very pretty, simply told films and you owe it to yourself to watch at least one of them. I intend to explore more of his vast output as time permits.

Alright, enough of my yapping for one night.


Thursday, August 14, 2014

Chestnut brown canary, ruby throated sparrow

I haven't posted in a while, but whatever, right? My absence, I'm sure, hasn't caused disruption in your lives. Maybe it has, what do I know. Anyway, just checking in. Not in the mood for, nor do I have the time to devote to,writing.

I'm back home, I'm tired. I'll retire for the evening while the rest of you get all giddy over the ice bucket challenge or some shit.

Peace

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

You can choose not to decide, but still you've made a choice

A lot of running around. After work, I hustled through the grocery store and purchased some dog food and a few other essentials. I hustled because I knew Missy D needed to go out. I feel bad when I get home later than usual; she holds up her end of the bargain by being perfectly housebroken so I try to hold up mine. So I did my shopping, came home, ran up five flights of stairs with grocery bags in tow (again, the similarities between me and Rocky Balboa are made manifest), greeted Missy D at the door, put said bags down, grabbed leash and collar, and out for a walk we went.

The after work walks are our longest and often they try my patience. Why? Well, Missy D stops every two feet to sniff at something. This is fine, she's a dog and that's what many of them like to do. It's important to me that she gets the chance to fully function as a dog with senses engaged. Still, after about a half hour of this, I'm liable to get a bit grouchy, especially when all I want to do I want to do is eat dinner and sit down for a bit. Relax.

I've gotten better on these walks, which is not to suggest I don't occasionally hurry Missy D along; if I didn't, we'd be out there all night. So I try for the middle ground, compromise. Today we came back from our walk around six thirty. I made our respective dinners, sat down and ate over an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm (Larry's got a pubic hair stuck in his throat throughout the entire episode. I like how this story arc covers multiple episodes), washed some dishes, had some coffee, and here I am typing away, about to take Missy D out for another walk. Feels like we just went out and that is because we did. Hey, this is what happens when you've got a housemate that is not allowed to use the toilet for various reasons. And, you know, it's worth it because I love her so much (awwwww....).

I've had a bunch of low grade synchronicity experiences over the last several day; little dots being connected by some unseen hand. Low grade, but taken as a whole, pretty significant. Specific examples won't be forthcoming, at least for the time being, because time is of the essence (Missy D is looking at me with her pleading "Let's go out!" eyes). Just know that I'm going through this and it's kind of neat and kind of spooky.

After our walk, I'll probably watch the latest episode of The Leftovers, a program that has not let me down yet. I'll try to read from Peter Levenda's Sinister Forces, The Manson Secret: A Grimoire of American Political Witchcraft. This is the third in a trilogy, the whole of which took twenty five years to write. Very good writer and the connections he makes are often effin' creepy. I'll probably write more about the book, especially as it has factored in my synchronicity experiences.

Okay, she just sighed loudly. Alright, Princess Puppy Baby, alright: we'll go out. You're lucky you're so adorable.

Perhaps my next post will be more substantive. I've been meaning to relate some of the changes I've gone through and how organically they've happened. For example, besides eggs, I have barely eaten meat in the last several months. This was not planned. Maybe it's the yoga that's bringing about some of these changes. Perhaps.

Alright, lads and lasses, peace out!

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Come run, jump, skip a long Sam, what a happy man I am

I don't think I've slept late once since I've been staying here. The latest I get up is between nine and nine thirty. That's what happens when you're taking care of a dog. I'm more or less fine with this arrangement - if I feel like I need more sleep, I compensate with a nap if I'm able - and besides, I get more time in the day for love making and ruminating about life and what not. For example, it's only 11:30 and I've already taken Missy D out, had breakfast, tidied up, gone to the grocery store, made tzatziki and chopped watermelon, and possibly even laid the groundwork for a new religion. Even though I've so far not been in accordance with the general idea of the sabbath, according to which rest and relaxation are central, I plan on aligning myself to it very soon.

While watching The Story of Film the other day, it occurred to me that Spira has Hulu Plus on her Apple TV, which has the entire Criterion Collection on it. For those of you who aren't aware of what that is, I'll explain: Criterion puts out all sorts of cool, often restored, foreign and classic movies. I had totally forgotten that Hulu Plus had this feature, which is understandable because much of what they offer is crap, so when the realization struck, it was a true moment of satori. I perused the library of movies yesterday and was in hog heaven. The first film I started watching was Satyajit Ray's The Music Room. I'm about half way through; I'll finish it today. And there's a bunch of Ozu and Kurosawa films and....damn, so effin' much!
--
I was thinking about how much my social landscape has changed. Many of my friendships are only so in name only; not too many are active, tangible. Things change, people come into your life, people exit your life. I'm not always pleased with the changes, but to use an expression I thought I'd never use, it is what it is. And, look, I'm changing too; I enter and exit peoples lives; it's a great big dance we're all engaged in.

Sometimes it seems to me that social media sites, particularly Facebook, are downright insidious in that they present the illusion of community when in fact they peddle empty calories. This can fuck you up. On the one hand, you've got this feeling like you have a network of friends and that feels reassuring. You may even communicate with these people from time to time. Underlying that, though, when you look at it closely, is the reality that many of these friendships lack substance.

I've pretty much given up on the idea of interaction on Facebook. While it may be a fruitful experience for others - clearly it is - it hasn't been my experience. Most of what I've ever posted goes unnoticed, and the posts that don't tend to have a limited reach and lack momentum. Still, I occasionally post stuff and occasionally an interaction will take place. Mostly though, the fish ain't biting and, you know, that's alright because I've assessed the landscape and made it alright in my mind. When I post songs that I've put effort into, that I'm proud of, and I barely get any feedback, I'm ready for it. It is what it is (okay, that's the last time).

One last thing about social media. I'm not against it at all and, contrary to my what I wrote above, a site like Facebook provides a window into my friend's lives that I wouldn't ordinarily have access to. Sure, there's a lot of vaguebooking attention grabs, pictures of food, and a welter of cat and puppy memes, but there is substance to be found, too. It is what it is (fuck, I did it again!)

Well, it's time to go read about the occult. See ya', homies!

Friday, August 1, 2014

Everybody is a part of everything anyway, you can have everything if you let yourself be

There's a woman who does title examining at the registry of deeds in Cambridge that I've had a mini, almost entirely lustful, crush on for the last couple of years. Other than one short interaction we had about a year ago, I'm pretty sure she's not aware of or, at the very least stimulated in some way by, my presence at the registry.

While I was there earlier today, my gaze returned to her again and again as if by some magnetic pull and, unless she's masterfully surreptitious, she never once lifted her eyes in my direction. It's always like that and it doesn't really bother me; in fact I find it slightly amusing that she's so (seemingly) oblivious to the attention I'm paying her. In a way it makes me desire her more, similar to the way Seinfeld's George Costanza pined over a woman who hated him. Ha!

Anyway, it also got me thinking: Do I have someone lusting over me that I'm unaware of? Considering how suave and macho and pure-hearted I am, the answer to that question is most certainly yes, but perhaps I'll never know for sure.
--
The Princess Puppy Baby doesn't play like Pooch Edward Bottoms or other dogs I've known that love to devour squeaky toys, go at it with the pull toy, or engage in other rough house activities. She has her moments, though. As I was typing the last paragraph, she walked over to me and barked and then spazzed out for several seconds, which she does every so often when she's feeling frisky. Realizing she needed some stimulation, I got up and went into the bedroom and liberated her unfinished rawhide bone from under the bed and gave it to her. It was the right move: she's now chomping away merrily at it in the corner. I like it when I can help a pal out.

We went for a walk in the park by the Zakim bridge after work today. On one of the scenic side paths, I spotted a guy in sunglasses about thirty feet behind us emerge from another path. As Missy stuffed her head in the vegetation and sniffed away, I saw the guy put on a pair of blue latex gloves as he made his way toward us. So of course I was spooked and casually tried to wrest Missy from her olfactory reverie so that we could vamoose. She wasn't having it initially, but when she finally did snap out of it, she decided to walk back towards this potential psycho. No way, son, I thought, and insistently prodded her away. There wasn't anyone else around at that time and I wasn't ready to subject us to any of the thousand awful things that guy was going to do to us that my imagination conjured. So we split. I have no idea what that was about, but what's with the fucking gloves!

Started watching The Story of Film series on Netflix. I'm about three episodes in and it's so effin' good. It covers just about every aspect of film, from the business end to its artistic components. Just made it out of the silent era. We're heading into the talkies, folks.

I was reading from Frazer's The Golden Bough: A Study In Magic And Religion at lunch today and learned about the Corn God, which manifested all across Europe as different animals. I think it was in Germany that it was represented as a cock and once the reaping of the corn was done, a wagon with a wooden emblem of a cock on its side would be brought to a farmer who would take the emblem in exchange for an actual cock, which the villagers would then kill in various ways which included whipping or burying it up to its neck and then then lopping its head off with a scythe. I hope that tradition has been toned down significantly.

There's a new Big Three podcast to listen to. I think this one's going to be a blockbuster judging by the previews. Perry's meeting with The System will be recounted and I think Tom Brennan and John Quincy Adams are going to tie the knot. Color me excited!

Well, it's about time to take Missy D out for her night walk. I really hope we don't run into the glove guy, but if we do I'm sure Missy D will protect me.

Monday, July 28, 2014

Goo goo, goo goo Barabajagal was his name now

Kat and I were out to dinner over the weekend and I ordered fish tacos. The waiter asked me if I'd like them fried or grilled. I thought he meant the whole taco, but he was only referring to the fish. I asked him to describe how it would look prepared each way. Looking kind of incredulous that I didn't know the difference, he said "Uhh... well, when it's fried, it comes out with breading...y'know it looks fried. And when it's grilled it has...uhhh lines on it". It wasn't until the meal arrived that I discovered only the fish portion of the taco was grilled.

I share the above anecdote not because it's gripping or hilarious, even though it is clearly both of those things, but to illustrate how wonky communication can be. Miscommunication abounds, even when ordering fish tacos. Well, anyway, the fish tacos were pretty good. There is that.

I just trimmed Princess Puppy Baby's nails. She was laying on the bed and when she saw me appear with clippers in hand, she got off that bed toots sweet and curled up in the corner, trying not to make eye contact with me. I tried to coax her onto the bed, usually an easy task, but she wasn't having it. I anticipated some resistance and, after a few minutes of attempting to reassure her that I'd be as gentle as could be, she came onto the bed and let me do my work, despite not looking very happy about it. Didn't take long and no blood was spilled. What a brave girl she was!

Started watching Argo last night but only made it about a half hour in. The movie wasn't turning me off or anything, it was just that I had other stuff I wanted to do, like work on songs, and go down some rabbit holes concerning false flags, etc. I also squeezed in a powerful session of yoga. Will I return to Argo tonight? Possibly, but I think I may watch the latest episode of The Leftovers, which has me in its grips.

Well, alright then....

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Think for yourself 'cause I won't be there for you

Been busy all around. Work has significantly picked up and so many other things have needed attending to. I won't get into those other things because, quite frankly, they'd bore you. Or maybe not. What do I know? But busy I have been and it hasn't been awful. Let's leave it at that.

Anyway

For those of you who are Ignore Emporium fans, you can look forward to a couple of new songs appearing on the IE Facebook page in a day or two. I'll have to mix down at home on my computer. I need to head there anyway as it's been a couple of weeks since I've stopped by. I'm crossing my fingers that it's not in complete shambles. We'll see. Doesn't matter if it is, I suppose; I won't be back until next month.

I've been reading a lot about our country's religion of Nationalism, which, the evidence illustrates, tops all others. Perhaps I'll expand on this topic in another post.

Been watching The Leftovers and I like it a lot. Similar to Lost in that there are more questions than answers, but The Leftovers is far superior, in my opinion.  Check it out, sayeth I.

The week has flown by. The bulk of last weekend was at my mom's doing stuff. This weekend I've got a guy coming by to fix the AC units here (Thank God!) and I've got to get Missy D a new ID tag (The other night during our walk she was off leash and when she came over to me, her tags were gone. I've since scoured the park several times to no avail. Thought I'd find them; I thought wrong).

Well, now it's time to say goodnight, as Ringo once sang.

Pip, Pip, and Cheerio!



Sunday, July 20, 2014

If I were a carpenter and you were my lady

My vacation draws to a close. I'm not sure how I'd rate it except to say that it was good to get away from the grind for a week. I watched a bunch of movies and TV shows via HBO GO and Netflix, read, socialized some, practiced yoga daily, hung out with Missy, that sort of thing. The grind beckons; I'm kind of looking forward to reengaging.

I didn't work on music very much this past week, but did manage yesterday to finish a recording of a new song and made a good amount of progress with another. I also got to work on some stuff with Kat, so there's that, too. We had a fine time together, which also involved beers and smoke and good conversation.

My mom left me a message on Friday inquiring about when I could come by to mow her lawn. Being the tail end of my vacation, I wasn't very interested in driving the 45 minutes to her house and doing chores. Well, I actually enjoy cutting grass and helping my mom out when I can, so I got over my initial reticence and headed over to her house yesterday. I mowed her lawn, cleaned her driveway, and walked Mimi (my mom had left for my sister's shortly after my arrival). I sweated my ass off but it was good to be out and about like that. Now it won't be so jarring heading back to work.

Every time I house sit here for an extended period of time, invariably, usually about a week into it, I start feeling the sensation of being in an elevator when I'm not in on. I use the elevator several times a day, but I'm not sure what accounts for this after effect. I found out from Leah that she experienced the same thing during her stint here. Well, at least I'm not the only one. I've got several more weeks to go. I hope I get over this or those weeks will feel like months.

Alright, kittens, it's time to go.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

When I see you changing, it makes me think that I can change too

Been reading Stanton Friedman's Captured, about the Betty and Barney Hill UFO incident. I wasn't very invested early on in the book, which was more my fault than the book's, but last night  I read a sizable chunk and stayed up late as a result. I woke up to a rhythmic pounding sound that was reminiscent of something generated from the bowels of Mordor. It was seven thirty; I was not happy. They're constructing another building across the park and work started early. This is a quiet place, but only relatively speaking. It takes a concerted effort to leave society behind. Maybe someday I'll go off-grid. Maybe not.


Ok, this is aggravating.  I typed the above paragraph a few days ago and didn't get back to it until today. I typed another several paragraphs and, because of the wonders of technology, or more Spira's laptop ,  everything new I added was deleted.

Not terribly thrilled, especially considering the time and effort I put into it. I'm not going through that again, so fuck it.

Maybe another time.


Friday, July 11, 2014

Hello daddy, hello mom, it's your ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch cherry bomb!

Haven't heard from Spira but she's been posting on FB here and there about her progress. She's in Bali now I believe. Here at the homestead the central a/c keeps shutting off and requires constant rebooting. Before she left, Spira told me this happens on occasion. Little did she know. Still, it's not a big issue and, judging by one of her recent FB posts, she's been in the midst of some insane heat and humidity.

I'm on vacation but in a way it more resembles Rocky's training regimen in Rocky IV. Well, perhaps not as intense and 80's themed, but I've been amping up the exercise. In addition to practicing yoga daily, I've been taking advantage of the stairwell in the building and running up and down four flights with weights at least four times a session.  And having a place to myself has really benefited my yoga practice. Sessions have become more creative and flowing and the aforementioned weights have been incorporated (they're Spira's five pound hand weights). 

I've done my share of relaxing here, to be sure. And I've also indulged in snacks a bit more than I usually do, but hey, it's vacation. It is, but I don't want to come out the other end of it a soft serve doughboy (I think I just coined a term). What if instead I emerged fitter than ever? We'll see, but I'm giving it a go. It hasn't hurt that I've been  watching a bunch of Anderson Silva MMA fights. 

There are things to do so I'm signing off. I'll probably post more often than usual, so if you're pining to find out how the wedding went last weekend, you probably should rethink your life, but also don't fret because I just mays grace another post with its shimmering sexiness and grace. 

Or something like that. Ciao!

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Things we used to do on grass

My vacation began a couple of hours ago and it arrived just in time. I needed the fuck out of the rat race for a spell.  It's been a while since I've taken more than a couple of days off at a time. I've got eleven ahead of me. There will be relaxation and quiet, but my days will be busy ones. Among other things, I plan on amping up the job search. Tonight, though, I'll finish watching Choke, a documentary about Rickson Gracie, the jiu-jitsu maven, and one about Ricky Jay, the magician. And I'll lavish Princess Puppy Baby with TLC. That is a given.

I'm about three quarters moved in at Spira's. I brought some things over last night when I came by to pow wow about numerous things before she left for Bali for a month, which was this morning. I hugged her a lot last night; I'm going to miss her. 

Last weekend flew by. Spira and I went to Melanie and Casey's party in Salem on the rainy 4th of July.  I like the Salem/North Shore crew. Real down to earth and almost every one of them a pot smoker. Throughout the entire night, there was a joint or a pipe being passed around. Their coal black living room table was weathered and warm and covered with cool crayon drawings. We were encouraged to add our own. I drew something esoteric and kind of out there. What would you expect in those circumstances?

The next day was Jonathan and Vibhu's wedding. It was also my birthday. 

And that's where I'll end this post. I'll be back and elaborate. Or not. Who knows? I'm off to other things, child. 

See you soon.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Turn on the radio, nah fuck it, turn it off

Yesterday went from zero to shitty in a blink of an eye. It involved having to do a shit ton of driving on behalf of work in a car with no working AC and in the traffic laden hell that is 128 (it was absolutely horrible around three; I shivered at the thought of what it would be like at five). I cursed the fates, my job, everything. It was not a good day. My thoughts were familiarly grim (so it goes these days) and I just wanted out. I got through the day, but it was a clarion call for me to get another job. I work full time and my eight year old niece has more money than me. I am not even kidding.

More driving today, this time up to Nashua. Missed you, heat! My poor car is being driven into the ground. Changes have to happen. Thank goodness for the long weekend and the approaching vacation. Thank goodness, indeed!

I hung out with Mara last night. Hadn't seen her in months. It was a relatively short visit. I'm not here to bad mouth anyone, especially her, but she's pretty self involved and not easy to engage in a conversation. It's more like a running monologue. Still, I care about her, so I can tolerate it every once in a while.

Every summer I have to contend with fruit flies and pantry moths. They've been a ubiquitous presence in the kitchen. Since Fred and Evangeline don't seem to mind, I took measures and set up a trap for the fruit flies using a bowl, saran wrap, and fruit. Works every time. As for the moths, Fred and Evangeline will have to clean throw out their moth infected food stuffs before any meaningful elimination can occur.

I'll tell you what: if it wasn't for the AC in my bedroom, I don't think this week would have seen much sleep. Fucking hot, son!

Alright, I'm spent. There always seems to be at least one fruit fly bugging the fuck out of me in my room. They are not easy to swat, but whenever I do manage to kill one, another takes its place. They are assholes, every last one of them.

Bye