O' my stars, how you undo me

Three posts in a row. My goodness! These days I'm lucky if I publish three posts a month. Well, you've just got roll with it when the mood strikes. So three posts in a row.

I'm approaching the point when I'll be delving deeper into Buddhism. I've read that you can't go it alone, you need a coach, a facilitator. I've ducked the idea in the past, but as I become more mindful I see its merit. I'm so intertwined with the machinations of my ego that I can't be objective. If I intend to take my spiritual path further, and I do, I don't see a way I can go it alone. We'll see what comes up.

Haven't stopped writing and recording music, but I'm no longer that keen to share it with anyone but one or two people. I'm keeping the Ignore Emporium page up, but it will most likely collect dust. Or maybe not. Who knows what the future brings. Yeah, I put my my stuff out there and it didn't go over very well. Oh, well, it's okay to be humbled, though it's makes you feel squirmy. And I don't even know how humbled I am. Lack of interest is not going to make me feel lousy about my music or stop making it. I like what I do and that is enough.

Here's a sample from that Q&A that I did.

Is it true that you're in love with Elyse Weinberg's voice, that you  have a school boy crush on it?

Yes. Every single facet of her voice melts me to my core. I won't argue that it's technically good, but fuck technically good.

Speaking of St. Vincent, tell me one thing about her album, Strange Mercy, that you haven't told anyone about?

At first I thought it was too cold sounding, too distant. I'm listening to it right now and I think I get it. It's not cold and distant sounding anymore. We could delve into the psychology of that, but why state the obvious. Anyway, St. Vincent is fine by me.

If you get a dog, what will you name it?

Alpo.

Name an underrated TV comedy starring Craig T. Nelson and an overrated TV comedy starring someone different.

Underrated: Coach    Overrated: Arrested Development

Three things you're glad you've given up.

Smoking (not sure how long it's been, but we're approaching ten years), talk radio (pretty much just sports radio and most of the time, particularly because I no longer care that much about sports, a colossal waste of time), TV (it's been several years and whenever I see commercials now, I'm even more offended).

Describe for me this Elyse album you keep carrying on about. Do it now.

First of all, that voice...oh how I adore it. And it -

Enough about the voice. Describe the album.

Okay, if young Rod Stewart and Janis Joplin had a kid whose nanny was Laura Nyro and somehow all three of their voices merged into her and then she recorded an album that is fucking awesome, folky, psychedelic, bluesy, weird, and....oh, oh....

Enough. Try and relax.

Okay, I'm back

Share something that is vaguely interesting.

I can stay in a sauna for a long period of time.

Now say goodnight, Gracie.

Goodnight, Gracie.

Tell me what is true love

It's an Aphex Twin kind of night. Well, at least for the time being. So, just a few minutes ago, I was checking out a blog post from around this time four years ago. In it, I mentioned I'd been reading The Power of Now, a book that had made its way into my life at just the right time. And I didn't even have to go buy a copy. It was at the house; someone had lent Janelle a copy and  she hadn't gotten around to reading it yet. I really connected with the book. It wasn't so much the content, but the way in which it was expressed.

I was sitting on the couch the other day after a yoga session and spied a hardcover book on one of the shelves in our entertainment center. I hadn't noticed it there before. Sure enough, it was a copy of The Power of Now, only without it's jacket and a little frayed around the edges. I think Matt left it here when he moved out (Matt left a lot of stuff here, but that matter has been covered in an older post). I've been reading from it ever since. A pattern? The same book showing up in my life twice? Four years later and almost to the day. Hey, I'll take it!

This post has been a victory insofar as I've kept it civil or, rather, I haven't given it over to the grievances and hurts other ego-related claptrap my mind had been producing for most of the day. I'm not about up sweeping stuff under the rug, but there are some matters that aren't even worth giving attention to. So bravo to me!

And bravo to sleep, which I could use. Hopefully, Fred will wrap up his sawing and drilling a floor below me. Don't ask. I'm trying to be a good sport. Anyway, so, yeah - sleep looks pretty good. I think I'll watch a bigfoot video or two, maybe listen to some Big Three, maybe meditate. I had a vigorous yoga session after work and my body would like to recover. So an early night, perhaps.

Buh byeee!!

Wound up with a band of thieves

My neighbor Steve's car has been idling for the last, I don't know, twenty minutes or so. It's not loud enough to make me want to go slash his tires, but it's annoying, to be sure. Look, you've got to deal with stuff in life. I'll play some music over it. Maybe that will help.

Listening to Elyse; that makes all the difference. Man, I love her voice. It's husky, rebellious, honeyed, and ramshackle. I shall listen to this wonderful album today with deep satisfaction.

A fine weekend. Went to a house show a couple of doors down from mine (very convenient) with Foley. His friend Anna Rae did a set that was pretty much just vocals and bass. And then Anna Rae's friend Todd played the piano and sang with upright bass, electric guitar, and a nice young fella singing backups, to accompany him. It was a warm atmosphere. Seemed like practically everyone in attendance were happy, well adjusted people. Or perhaps they were all taking ecstasy. Not me and Foley - we tripped the lights fantastic with beer and a substance that produces a favorable effect as well as clouds of smoke. A good night.

Spent time with Spira and Missy D, too. Went to Union Sq. for sushi takeout, showered Missy D. with affection, drank root beer. That sort of thing.

Man, this Elyse record is really good.


Alright, things happen in life; it's true. But I don't have the inclination to detail them. So, with that, I leave you. I feel like it might be a good idea to watch a Kurosawa film tonight. We'll see.

G'day, guvnas!

She's knows I'm going to be her boy forever

Just returned from visiting with mom and Mimi the dog (An effort has been afoot, spearheaded by my mother, to transition from Mimi to Mia; we'll see if it sticks). A nice visit but I'm glad to be home. I'm tired.  Today wasn't an ideal work day. Why? Well A) It was gloomy and cold B) It's Monday C) The Internet was down all day and my time was spent numbly filing old reports. And C) I got home from Spira's pretty late last night and was woken up well before my alarm by my neighbor, Steve's roaring car engine. Hence, as I said before, I'm tired.

Not an ideal day, but it wasn't so bad. Near the end of last week I found myself in the grip obsessive thoughts about something not necessarily real. I don't want to go into it, but my concern level, the fear attached to it all, was pretty high at one point. But through it all, there was the observer that witnessed it all and saw things clearly. I was grateful for that. Much of it was brought on, I'm convinced, by my engagement in Buddhist teachings. The spiritual path, as Trunga Rinpoche once called it, is one insult after another. The ego takes a beating, to be sure.

So for days I was in that fucked up cycle of thinking. It wasn't total - I was functioning in other areas and wasn't always focused on it - but if it had gone on much longer, I'm not sure what I would I have done. The last couple of days have been better and my take on the whole experience is that it was a wonderful lesson. Of course with hindsight I say that, but I believed it even when things felt really shitty. To know how the mind works, to tame it, one must study its habits.

Yesterday, I went to Spira's in the early afternoon while she was out visiting with a friend. I hung out with Missy D and had a few puffs. My plan was to do some recording on my iPad but another wave of obsessive thinking overtook me. I had enough presence of (sane) mind to nip it in the bud with some yoga. I don't care what's going on in your head, an hour of yoga will clear that shit up. When my session was through, I brought the iPad into the bedroom and felt compelled to read from Patanjali's yoga sutras. Missy D joined me on the bed. She laid her head on my chest and we stayed that way for a while.

When Spira returned, she convinced me that we should head over to Whole Foods for some hotdogs and French onion dip. I didn't try to talk her out of it. So, even though we didn't have the football game on, we ate like a lot of people who did. In fact, we watched something better: a documentary about Bronies, a subculture that has fascinated me for a while. Ask me anything about Bronies and I'm pretty sure I could give you an informed answer. So, it was a good day spent with two of my favorite ladies in the whole wide world.

I mixed down a few tracks from Garage Band. Those of you reading this who have received music from me in the past will most likely be receiving some. My method of sharing music is going underground again. At least for the time being. Pretty pleased with the songs. Having accompaniment has been cool. I'm able to stretch out more creatively.

Well, it's off with me. Might do some recoding, might, but most definitely will, meditate, and then definitely listen to or watch some Big Three, which, I kid you not, has been such a gift in my life. I laugh and laugh and laugh. How could that be wrong?

Bye, pups!

And behind you, I have warned you, there are awful things

I had a couple of instances today that gave me more evidence, as if any was needed, that my mind isn't a reliable purveyor of truth. This morning I was recording at the registry of deeds in Cambridge and the clerk that was serving me screwed up a couple of times believing there were errors on the documents. Not being familiar with their type - they were phasing amendments another law firm asked us to record - I could have just assumed she was correct and tried to rectify the mistakes. Well, I didn't and confidently reported, after a quick perusal of the documents, that she was the one in error. Or, in the language of my forebears, she was the fuck up. At work later I stressed mildly about having to inform a coworker about some mistakes she had made and would continue making if I kept quiet. We get along, but she can be punchy sometimes and there were enough facets to her mistakes where I could see her getting all ornery and somehow blaming me. But, you know what, rather than trying to save myself a headache, I talked it over with her. And she wasn't even close to being upset. So, yeah, go forth confidently, and all that shit.

Been recording music on my iPad using Garage Band. I like the program quite a bit - a welter of options and fairly simple to navigate - but I'm still in the dark about a few key things. I'll figure it out. Just need to keep fooling around with it

Went grocery shopping after work. My cupboards were beginning to look bare. It's a good feeling having a lot of food in the house, especially when much of it is healthy. I had a nice quinoa dinner with steamed vegetables, kale, corn, and grape tomatoes and my beverage was a smoothie with fruit and ginger and other esoteric ingredients I may have gleaned from some dusty grimoire .

The Ignore Emporium Facebook page can officially be considered a bust. Maybe that's too harsh a way to put it, but it certainly hasn't received much attention. I'll tell you, the mind hates indifference because it's not attentive. Apathy it can handle - it's something it can chew on - but indifference is something else. Anyway, there has been some attention to the page., and for that I'm grateful. I'll keep it going, albeit less enthusiastically, if only because it's not exactly a chore to maintain. And you never know who might derive pleasure from it.

There's more, but I'm ready to go relax before bed. See ya later, haters.

And I stepped outside to smoke myself a J

Monday. First day back at work since New Year's Eve. Two snow days in a row last week - not so bad, but yup, winter can suck my balls. And in true Monday fashion, it was dreary as fuck outside, albeit much warmer than it has been.

I'm tired and will keep this post short. Things haven't been so great, but, even though there are times I feel like a weak presence in this world, I'm not exposing my belly to the fates. Naw, I've got more fight in me than that.

It starts with the rampage of appreciation (something I learned from reading Abraham Hicks) in order to reach a more positive, resourceful state. I usually start by thinking of Missy D. Always makes me feel a little brighter. Hell, I think of all the pups I know: The Baby Boy Z, Mimi, etc. From there I think about the simple pleasures, like my obsession with The Big Three podcast or the stuff I'm doing on Garage Band. And then it's thoughts of family and friends. See, Kevin, you're not so utterly alone in this world!

And yoga and meditation are huge. 

Ah, but some changes need to happen. I'm not getting any younger and would like to experience a healthy, meaningful relationship with a woman (It's about fucking time, sayeth I!), and financial security would be a real hoot, too. And then there's the crazy notion of pursuing my Path, however that manifests. I'd love to have my own place. I'm starting to pine, dear readers. And moving someplace warmer, or just somewhere else would be pretty cool, too. Drifting, drifting, drifting....is getting old, son!

--
I watched The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari last night, probably the oldest film I've ever watched (1920, I think). Really enjoyed it. Tonight, I may watch the rest of Dreyer's Ordet. Amazing how many classic films are on YouTube. 

Listening to Ariel Pink's latest, Mature Themes. His songs are sticky and swirl in my head all the live long day.

Alright, the night ain't getting younger. Best wrap things up.

I spent the winter on the verge of a mental breakdown while living in Norway

Woke from a dream this morning that perhaps was real in a parallel existence only a thin membrane away from this one. In it, I was in the kitchen making breakfast and talking to Evangeline about all the snow we're getting. Neither of us had to go in to work and were looking forward to a lazy day. I looked out the window and saw a couple of cars pull into the driveway. Out of one came my dad. Was he here to help shovel or just visit? I didn't know. Out of the other car came a young couple. I vaguely recognized the guy; I figured he was a friend of Fred's. In the dream, he was played by the actor who portrayed Bones in the new Star Trek films. The couple walked into the house without knocking pushing a grocery cart filled with food. I asked them what was going on and the guy snapped at me. "We're putting all this food in the freezer!", he said. I called him an asshole and told him to get the fuck out of my house. I thought things might come to blows but he was subdued by his girlfriend and I went  into the kitchen. I looked out the window wondering why my dad hadn't come into the house. His car was gone. And then I woke up feeling kind of sad.

No work today and probably not tomorrow. Glad I don't have to be driving, but not happy to be missing out on earning some badly needed money. Oh, well. Things will work out. Winter is such an inward thing; we traverse inward landscapes and if you're an outgoing person, it's probably not the most comfortable experience. If you lean to being more introspective like me, it's more manageable, perhaps even satisfying. Just a pet theory, I don't know if it holds water, especially considering the fact that I dream of moving to warmer climes. Oh, well, whatever the case, I'll get by. And so will you, child.

Spent New Year's Eve at Scott and Eszter's new place in Kittery, ME. I drove up with Janelle and Bill and we ate wonderful Greek food courtesy of Janelle, brownies courtesy of Eszter, and some very tasty mixed drinks courtesy of Scott. To ring in the New Year, we bundled up and walked onto the pond alongside their house, lit a fire on the ice, and drank champagne. It was the right thing to do.

I enjoyed myself quite a bit, particularly because I was with some of my favorite people. Still, there was a touch of melancholy that misted over my psyche. It was there for a few reasons and didn't begin that night, but it was there. It happens. Life, as you know, isn't all gravy.

So Happy New Year to you, whatever that means. I think I'll go out and do some shoveling so that it won't be so overwhelming later. Afterward, I'll come inside and take a cold shower (yes, even in this frigid, almost sub-zero weather) and perhaps will practice some yoga. And then maybe I'll do some reading. I've been bouncing between the New Testament and some Fritz Leiber short stories on my Kindle.

Fortify thy selves, dear readers, particularly during these bleak claustrophobic winter days.

Peace out, darlings.