Within the last several minutes I've had some dealing with synchronicity. Perhaps because of Robert Anton Wilson. No, probably because of Robert Anton Wilson. Who is he? Well, real quick: He was an author, among other things, and wrote trippy novels about the Illuminati, the Occult - that sort of thing. He's been described as an occultist Tom Robbins. I'm just now starting to read his books, though I've interested in his works for years. Guess the timing was finally right.
I spent some time over the last couple of days researching which of his books I wanted to start with. It became a toss up between Masks of The Illuminati and The Illuminati Trilogy. The former caught my attention first. It's basically a detective novel with Einstein and James Joyce investigating the Illuminati with Aleister Crowley as the antagonist. Now if that doesn't scratch me where I itch, I don't know what does. I'm knee deep in Purdurabo, the excellent and comprehensive Crowley biography, so I'm already riding that frequency. I chose the Illuminati Trilogy in the end. It's widely considered his masterpiece and a lot less linear than MoTI, which, I've come to understand, is the case with most of his other books.
In the midst of my research I came across a customer review that warned readers of accompanying synchronicities. Fine with me, I thought. So here I am about fifty pages in the book. I began it last night. I think it's going to be a wild ride.
Back to tonight's bout of synchronicity. I was listening to a Duncan Trussell podcast. It had been well over a week since I last listened to one of his. He was in a conversation with Dr. Drew and the comedian Fred Stoller about the mind and brought up Robert Anton Wilson. I've been listening to his podcasts for a few years and don't recall a single reference to that man. There may well have been, of course, but that doesn't take away from the fact that I just started reading RAW last night and the very next day he's mentioned. Duncan described RAW's theory of reality, which is basically that we're in a simulation that allows us to experience limitation. And synchronicities, he said, were just the guys in the control room sending you winks, little reminders that you're actually one being and everything is a-ok.
Anyway
I have a special connection with the DT podcast. Whatever I seem to be going through at the time I listen to an episode is almost always addressed. We're on the same frequency, dude.
Alright, a frustrating day. Uncertain about a lot of things, but that's a big chunk of life, so it's not a huge deal. However, the type of uncertainty I'm feeling is the walking the razor's edge type, which is not a pleasant experience. It does offer hope and insight, which is always a gift. I feel like I'm on the brink of some changes. Good ones, I think, but what do I know.
Wednesday, August 26, 2015
Thursday, August 13, 2015
Lies and betrayals, fruit covered nails
I'm about to go for a long walk. I'll probably end up at spy pond. I'm going to inhale several puffs of applewood cherry tobacco and get going. I need to let loose some negative energy and hopefully regain my center in the process. It's been an interesting but practically bipolar week; presently I'm at the low end of the spectrum. I don't like it. I've taken measures that have led me to balance in the past. I've hit the mat, I've meditated; I'm re-reading the Gita. And there's this walk I'm about to take.
But first how I got here.
Kira and I had our second date last Saturday night. I believe, and I think she does, too, that it went well. We had a sushi dinner at Fuji's in Assembly Row and then we walked over to the Beer Garden, a hip outdoor bar that serves home-brewed beer (yes, there were skinny jeaned, bearded folk about; strange, I know, but true). We met around 6 and we didn't leave until around 2. The night flew by. Under oath, I'd swear we were together an hour or two.
I learned she's a lefty like me and that she has a good friend that shares both my first and last name. Our banter and level of comfort was easy and relaxed, as if we were on our fifth date rather than our second. She found my wallet in the bathroom. I'd gone in right before her and it must have slipped out of my pocket. I had no idea it was gone until she came over and said "Look what I found!". Thinking about it later on, I came to the conclusion that it's not crazy to think that was a good sign. At the very least, it's hard to view it as a bad sign.At one point I proved to her that Spoon Man is indeed on Soundgarden's Superunknown, contrary to her protestations that it wasn't, and then gently suggested she draft some sort of apology letter to me. She said she would do no such thing. We laughed.
It was a fine night. Our last hour or so was spent in her car. When we parted, I asked if I could kiss her on the cheek. After I received approval, I planted one on her. I told her I thought she looked very pretty.When I got home I buzzed with the high energy of the stout breeze of possibility. I hadn't had that feeling in a very long time. I'd been diligent about keeping at bay flights of fancy, but I let myself have this one. As I said, it had been a long time. I deserved it.
At one point in my reverie, I laughed and said "Damn, something could be happening here!" And why not? Our commonalities span a broad range; we would be talking about Ann Lamott (her wonderful writing) one minute and Alice In Chains the next (re: the merits of Dirt).
And there have been synchronicities, some quietly perceptible, some potently assertive. I won't get into all of that....not yet.
Yesterday afternoon I got a text from Kira that got me thinking this wasn't going to work, that, once again, that I had been dealt another disappointment. I'll tell you right off that bat that nothing in the text should have provoked such a thought, but there it was. It was mildly annoying at its worst, but it grew fangs and possessed me outright.The devilry!
As all of this was happening, I put to use the fruits of my spiritual practice and observed in as detached a manner as I could. "Become the witness" was the mantra. It was tough at first; I was ensorcelled with lies and half truths. It took some effort to get to the point where I could simply observe what has happening. Possessed, indeed!
The obsessive thinking didn't abate, in fact it carried over into today. Quite a storm. Still, I continued observing my behavior and slowly began to see clearly how far astray from the truth I had gone, how the mind can trick and distort. And now I will go for a long walk and look the devil right in the eye and let it know I will get through this.
Post script. I'm back from my walk, in fact it's the following evening. The walk was just what I needed. I got the blood flowing, there was gentle quietude, there were moments of clarity. The tension that had manifested in my body from all that low energy dissipated once observed and held under scrutiny.
I made it to spy pond just after sunset. There were about ten people present and no one spoke. We all just sat or stood and gazed upon the pond, felt nurtured by the silence. On my way back, I felt a swell of determination that, no matter how it turned out with Kira, I was going to find my mate. I thought about the type of relationship I want and, let me tell you, it doesn't feature a guy who becomes unhinged at any provocation, real or imagined. So if I want to manifest a loving, healthy, long term relationship, it can never be until I get past my fears and insecurities.
I'm not about to declare that I won't have anymore experiences like this, I'm human and fallible and not yet a buddha, but I did the right thing and used this one as a learning tool. I feel renewed, fortified, clearheaded, and determined. I minimized something that would have drastically reduced my chances of entering into a fruitful relationship with Kira or anyone else.
Anyway
I got a text from Kira this morning. It was a pleasant one; no indication she wants to bail. If I was still under the spell of bullshit, I wonder if I would have interpreted it differently. She's off to San Francisco this weekend. We'll see each other next week. Where are we headed with this? I don't know. We're off to a good start but who knows what's around the bend. We could be done after our next date or she could end up being my wife. But look here: the future is a mystery, baby, and as real as I make it out to be in my mind, it's just an illusion.
As Ram Dass has been know to say, be here now.
It's the only sane thing you can do.
Namaste, bitches
But first how I got here.
Kira and I had our second date last Saturday night. I believe, and I think she does, too, that it went well. We had a sushi dinner at Fuji's in Assembly Row and then we walked over to the Beer Garden, a hip outdoor bar that serves home-brewed beer (yes, there were skinny jeaned, bearded folk about; strange, I know, but true). We met around 6 and we didn't leave until around 2. The night flew by. Under oath, I'd swear we were together an hour or two.
I learned she's a lefty like me and that she has a good friend that shares both my first and last name. Our banter and level of comfort was easy and relaxed, as if we were on our fifth date rather than our second. She found my wallet in the bathroom. I'd gone in right before her and it must have slipped out of my pocket. I had no idea it was gone until she came over and said "Look what I found!". Thinking about it later on, I came to the conclusion that it's not crazy to think that was a good sign. At the very least, it's hard to view it as a bad sign.At one point I proved to her that Spoon Man is indeed on Soundgarden's Superunknown, contrary to her protestations that it wasn't, and then gently suggested she draft some sort of apology letter to me. She said she would do no such thing. We laughed.
It was a fine night. Our last hour or so was spent in her car. When we parted, I asked if I could kiss her on the cheek. After I received approval, I planted one on her. I told her I thought she looked very pretty.When I got home I buzzed with the high energy of the stout breeze of possibility. I hadn't had that feeling in a very long time. I'd been diligent about keeping at bay flights of fancy, but I let myself have this one. As I said, it had been a long time. I deserved it.
At one point in my reverie, I laughed and said "Damn, something could be happening here!" And why not? Our commonalities span a broad range; we would be talking about Ann Lamott (her wonderful writing) one minute and Alice In Chains the next (re: the merits of Dirt).
And there have been synchronicities, some quietly perceptible, some potently assertive. I won't get into all of that....not yet.
Yesterday afternoon I got a text from Kira that got me thinking this wasn't going to work, that, once again, that I had been dealt another disappointment. I'll tell you right off that bat that nothing in the text should have provoked such a thought, but there it was. It was mildly annoying at its worst, but it grew fangs and possessed me outright.The devilry!
As all of this was happening, I put to use the fruits of my spiritual practice and observed in as detached a manner as I could. "Become the witness" was the mantra. It was tough at first; I was ensorcelled with lies and half truths. It took some effort to get to the point where I could simply observe what has happening. Possessed, indeed!
The obsessive thinking didn't abate, in fact it carried over into today. Quite a storm. Still, I continued observing my behavior and slowly began to see clearly how far astray from the truth I had gone, how the mind can trick and distort. And now I will go for a long walk and look the devil right in the eye and let it know I will get through this.
Post script. I'm back from my walk, in fact it's the following evening. The walk was just what I needed. I got the blood flowing, there was gentle quietude, there were moments of clarity. The tension that had manifested in my body from all that low energy dissipated once observed and held under scrutiny.
I made it to spy pond just after sunset. There were about ten people present and no one spoke. We all just sat or stood and gazed upon the pond, felt nurtured by the silence. On my way back, I felt a swell of determination that, no matter how it turned out with Kira, I was going to find my mate. I thought about the type of relationship I want and, let me tell you, it doesn't feature a guy who becomes unhinged at any provocation, real or imagined. So if I want to manifest a loving, healthy, long term relationship, it can never be until I get past my fears and insecurities.
I'm not about to declare that I won't have anymore experiences like this, I'm human and fallible and not yet a buddha, but I did the right thing and used this one as a learning tool. I feel renewed, fortified, clearheaded, and determined. I minimized something that would have drastically reduced my chances of entering into a fruitful relationship with Kira or anyone else.
Anyway
I got a text from Kira this morning. It was a pleasant one; no indication she wants to bail. If I was still under the spell of bullshit, I wonder if I would have interpreted it differently. She's off to San Francisco this weekend. We'll see each other next week. Where are we headed with this? I don't know. We're off to a good start but who knows what's around the bend. We could be done after our next date or she could end up being my wife. But look here: the future is a mystery, baby, and as real as I make it out to be in my mind, it's just an illusion.
As Ram Dass has been know to say, be here now.
It's the only sane thing you can do.
Namaste, bitches
Monday, August 3, 2015
Ladyfinger dipped in moonlight, writing "What for" across the morning sky
Not too bad for a Monday but I was clock watching too much and consequently the day dragged a bit. We've been very busy at work lately and today was the first day in a while I wasn't swamped. I liked the challenge of having to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. And, boy did the days fly by. Today, not so much. Hey, it happens.
I ended my month long stint at Spira's last week. I sure miss living with Missy D but it's also kind of nice not having to rush home every day to take her out. Getting to sleep in a little bit this weekend was nice, too. Still, the idea of moving out and moving on has been gnawing away at me. I like my roommates when I see them (Fred is next door at his girlfriend's place a lot and Andrew is either in his room or away somewhere) but I crave a cleaner, more spacious environment. Sure, the rent is tough to beat, especially in these parts, but I can't stay here forever. It'll take some planning, but the time is nigh.
Janelle and I took Pooch Edward Bottoms to the dog beach in Nahant early yesterday. It was fun; Pooch Edward tried to school a lot of the youngins but he didn't pursue it too far. "I'm getting too old for this shit" is what he might have said if he had a grasp of the English language and the proper vocal cords to speak. Always fun being around a lot of dogs. Afterward, we ventured into Cambridge and got some smoothies at Berryline. Dee-lish!
In the afternoon, I walked into Davis Sq. for a date with Kira, my second date through Tinder. After my last experience, which wasn't so great, and the dubious sincerity of many of the users of the app, I tried not to get my expectations to high, despite having developed a good rapport with Kira through our few days of texting. I found her appealing in a multitude of was. She's a yoga instructor, spiritual, a fan of music (her dad is a retired Berklee instructor), has a good sense of humor, is a social worker (she deals with some hard cases in East Boston), and, at least judging by the pictures she posted, attractive.
Pictures. I was hoping they were an approximate reflection of what she actually looked like. When I met Rachel, she looked like a different person than the ones in her pictures. Unfortunately, I wasn't attracted to the version I met. And, not for nothing, but it's not cool being deceptive like that right out of the gate. I kept that experience in mind as I walked into Davis to meet Kira.
I sat outside Starbucks for a few minutes before she arrived. When she did, I was relieved. She was prettier in person. It may seem like I'm hung up on looks, but it's not the case. I do, however, think it's natural and healthy to expect to be physically attracted to someone you might date (well,duh!) and, to be sure, I was attracted to Kira.
We walked over to The Burren and had our date. It lasted five hours. There was a nice connection. We laughed, shared stories, got to know each other. When it ended, I walked her back to her car and told her I'd love to see her again and asked if she would be open to that. She said yes and it sounded more enthusiastic than courteous. She gave me a hug and we parted ways. I wore a dopey smile the rest of the walk home.
I'm enlivened, still buzzing a bit, but also heeding the voice that says "Let's not get ahead of ourselves, buddy". Look, it seems like we've got a good foundation to work from, but you never know what will happen. I feel good about this, but I've got to stay present and not get mired in expectations and daydreaming. That's the plan anyway.
While I haven't done much in the way of vacationing this summer, it's been a gratifying one. I'm surrounded by good people on a daily basis and I feel lighter, not weighted down by worry or other shit that weakens. Meditation and yoga are more life affirming than any drug. I feel the difference. Sure, I've got stuff of the unsavory sort I need to take care of, but I'm coming at it from a more resourceful state.
Oh, and I love my new tattoo. I'm already planning the next one.
Ciao!
I ended my month long stint at Spira's last week. I sure miss living with Missy D but it's also kind of nice not having to rush home every day to take her out. Getting to sleep in a little bit this weekend was nice, too. Still, the idea of moving out and moving on has been gnawing away at me. I like my roommates when I see them (Fred is next door at his girlfriend's place a lot and Andrew is either in his room or away somewhere) but I crave a cleaner, more spacious environment. Sure, the rent is tough to beat, especially in these parts, but I can't stay here forever. It'll take some planning, but the time is nigh.
Janelle and I took Pooch Edward Bottoms to the dog beach in Nahant early yesterday. It was fun; Pooch Edward tried to school a lot of the youngins but he didn't pursue it too far. "I'm getting too old for this shit" is what he might have said if he had a grasp of the English language and the proper vocal cords to speak. Always fun being around a lot of dogs. Afterward, we ventured into Cambridge and got some smoothies at Berryline. Dee-lish!
In the afternoon, I walked into Davis Sq. for a date with Kira, my second date through Tinder. After my last experience, which wasn't so great, and the dubious sincerity of many of the users of the app, I tried not to get my expectations to high, despite having developed a good rapport with Kira through our few days of texting. I found her appealing in a multitude of was. She's a yoga instructor, spiritual, a fan of music (her dad is a retired Berklee instructor), has a good sense of humor, is a social worker (she deals with some hard cases in East Boston), and, at least judging by the pictures she posted, attractive.
Pictures. I was hoping they were an approximate reflection of what she actually looked like. When I met Rachel, she looked like a different person than the ones in her pictures. Unfortunately, I wasn't attracted to the version I met. And, not for nothing, but it's not cool being deceptive like that right out of the gate. I kept that experience in mind as I walked into Davis to meet Kira.
I sat outside Starbucks for a few minutes before she arrived. When she did, I was relieved. She was prettier in person. It may seem like I'm hung up on looks, but it's not the case. I do, however, think it's natural and healthy to expect to be physically attracted to someone you might date (well,duh!) and, to be sure, I was attracted to Kira.
We walked over to The Burren and had our date. It lasted five hours. There was a nice connection. We laughed, shared stories, got to know each other. When it ended, I walked her back to her car and told her I'd love to see her again and asked if she would be open to that. She said yes and it sounded more enthusiastic than courteous. She gave me a hug and we parted ways. I wore a dopey smile the rest of the walk home.
I'm enlivened, still buzzing a bit, but also heeding the voice that says "Let's not get ahead of ourselves, buddy". Look, it seems like we've got a good foundation to work from, but you never know what will happen. I feel good about this, but I've got to stay present and not get mired in expectations and daydreaming. That's the plan anyway.
While I haven't done much in the way of vacationing this summer, it's been a gratifying one. I'm surrounded by good people on a daily basis and I feel lighter, not weighted down by worry or other shit that weakens. Meditation and yoga are more life affirming than any drug. I feel the difference. Sure, I've got stuff of the unsavory sort I need to take care of, but I'm coming at it from a more resourceful state.
Oh, and I love my new tattoo. I'm already planning the next one.
Ciao!
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