Here I go and I don't know why I spin so ceaselessly

I'm listening to Patti Smith and I'm not sure if I want to strangle her or cradle her in my arms lovingly, like with---you guessed it--a baby. I have to admit, I'm angling towards strangling her. I'm not in the mood for her bullshit right now, so I'll listen to some Nick Lowe instead. Nope, it'll be the Stones Sticky Fingers before that'll happen. Mmmm, that's better.

Near the end of the day at work today, I tested my typing skills. I averaged about forty words a minute. I think, if I'm not mistaken, that's pretty good. Yeah, it is good, isn't it? I am a good typer. Let me say it aloud. Wow, saying it aloud is empowering. That's some Tony Robbins shit right there. Soon enough, I'll report back to you that I'm typing sixty words a minute and you'll get all teary-eyed in admiration. Stay tuned. (I just typed this paragraph in twenty five seconds. Ah, you don't believe me).
--

Earlier, I was reading about the Dyatlov Pass Accident. If you've never heard about this bizarre mystery, you can read about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyatlov_Pass_Accident. I challenge you, after studying the details of the case, to come up with a logical explanation of what happened. If you arrive at a conclusion that doesn't involve the paranormal, I want you to email immediately with it. My email is: dukefame1@yahoo.com (that's the second time I've posted my email in a week. I never do that. What does that mean? Hmmm....)
--

The Celtics just signed PJ Brown and it looks nearly certain they'll sign Sam Cassell off waivers. I'm almost as giddy over this as I was as a kid when a new Star Wars movie was released. If you're not a Celtics fan, this news means absolutely nothing to you, and you've probably moved on to the next paragraph already. Actually, I think I'll join you.
--
I was walking on the bike path last night, gearing up for a run up the hill portion of Cedar st., and saw a woman coming my way who looked like Amanda. As she passed by, I thought it might have been her, but if it was, why didn't she stop in recognition? Maybe for the same reason I didn't. As I ran up the hill a minute later, I couldn't get the thought out of my head that it was Amanda that I saw. If it was, I had just been a rude son of a bitch. After giving it some more thought, I decided that it wasn't her, that it was just someone who looked liker her. That still didn't stop me from speeding up my run so that I might catch up to her on my way back and get a second look. Alas, I never did catch up to her. I'll have to remember to ask Amanda about this the next time we talk.
--
Ever read something like this in a magazine or newspaper:

When asked what it was like working with Hillary Duff, the star of Malcolm in the Middle put it this way: "It was really cool filming this [movie] with Hillary. [She's] so cool. Someday I'd like to have [sex] with her. That would be, like, so [cool]!"

Ok, I'm probably an idiot, but whenever I see words inserted in a quote, like the one above, I wonder what that's supposed to mean. Did Frankie Muniz, in his statement about Hillary Duff, not say the words in parenthesis? If not, was he speaking in incomplete sentences, using different words that the editor took umbrage with, or did he mumble so badly that certain words had to be guessed at, hence the parenthesis? I just don't know. You may as well solve this mystery for me, too, when you email me with your explanation about the Dyatlov Pass Accident. Thanks for helping a brother out.

Lies and betrayals, fruit covered nails

Ok, I said I'd relate the Kim story, so here it it. I'm not sure it's worth even the small amount of hype that preceded it, but I'll let you be the judge. At the very least, it will occupy some of the massive amount of time you have at your disposal to waste.

At work this past Saturday, Kim went on a bank run for me around 8:30. She returned around nine and I asked her why it took her so long (it should only take a half hour at most, round trip). She responded that she had to wait for the bank to open. Oh, and her daughter had called her on her cell and told her she was throwing up. Why this would lengthen her trip to the bank, I don't know. Maybe she was hanging out in the parking lot at the bank, talking her daughter through her ordeal.

Whatever caused her to take so long ceased to matter once she brought up her daughter being sick. I knew, that no matter what, she would be leaving shortly, even though she said she told her daughter she couldn't leave work. Kim sat at the computer for a minute or two and I could see the wheels spinning in her head. She was plotting her escape. I asked her if she had the bank receipts and she said they were in her car. I was on my way outside anyway to clear snow off a couple of Penske trucks and offered to get them for her and she told me her doors were locked. I made a mental note not to forget the receipts because Karen had just emphasized the day before how important it was that I kept a record of all bank transactions.

As I was clearing off one of the trucks, Kim came running out in a panic and told me her daughter was freaking out and she had to go attend to her. I knew she was going to bail, but I figured she'd at least wait until I came back in. Kim has a history of flimsy excuses, so I didn't exhibit too much concern over her daughter. She said she'd try to come back later, but I knew I wouldn't see her. And I didn't. I also wasn't able to get the deposit receipts from her.

On Monday, Karen called me at home and asked me if Kim had made it to the bank on Saturday. I told her she did, and Karen told me the money didn't show up in her account. It was then that I recalled that one of the deposits was over 1800 dollars in cash. Uh oh. Karen told me not to say anything to Kim about it when I saw her the next day.

Before Kim came into work on Tuesday, Gio told me Karen had Kim come into work to explain to her what happened on Saturday. Apparently, Kim had changed her story several times, with the end result being that she never made it to the bank. She gave the cash back to Karen and, since I've been working with her all week, Kim didn't lose her job.

Karen has yet to fill me in on what happened and I'm not sure why. Maybe she thinks I'm involved in Kim's sneaky behavior somehow. I'm curious to know what really happened. I'm pretty sure it wasn't an innocent mistake, forgetting to make the deposit and holding on to all that cash over the weekend. No, she was up to something, but how in the hell did she expect to get away with it, whatever "it" may have been. I'll have to probe Karen about this when I have a chance, but considering she didn't volunteer the information to me, I wonder if she'll be forthcoming.
--

It's time to watch the Celtics play the Cavs. I'll probably only watch some of it because there are other, more essential, matters for me to take care of.

You've got to be cruel to be kind

I had one of the worst nightmares I've had in a long time last night. In it I was staying at a friend's house---a huge, gothic manse---and one night we were on his lap top watching a You Tube video of a guy with a milky, maggoty, complexion dressed entirely in black standing over another guy tied up in a chair. The guy in black was supposed to be a vampire, as was evident when he started feasting on the other guy's neck. The effects were top notch; the blood looked real and so did the torn flesh. The acting wasn't half bad, either; the man being ripped apart was really getting into the role.

All the same, I wasn't that into the clip. I've never been a big fan of gore and, though I enjoy the occasional vampire flick, I wouldn't consider myself a fan of the genre. My friend was really into it, however, and proceeded to show me, and a couple of other friends, more clips starring our pale vampire friend. It was mentioned that no one knew where these clips originated from and that some people believed that a real vampire was being filmed. I was having none of it and laughed at the guys for even entertaining the idea.

Later on that night, someone stopped by and told us that the alleged vampire was actually living a few floors below us in the basement. That was when matters took a horrific turn.

One of our friends ventured down to the basement to verify this unlikely claim and never returned. We assumed he had gone home when he didn't return. A couple of hours later, a new vampire clip was available and there was a new victim---our missing friend. We all freaked out as we watched fangs and claws flay him to death. We decided to leave the house.

We were out in the middle of nowhere, and we became separated. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the vampire swoop down and rip the head off of one of my companions. I doubled back to the house, feeling too exposed outside. I hid under my bed until dawn arrived.

Rather than hightail it out of there now that it was daylight, I remained at the house until nighttime. I realized my folly too late and got on my lap top to see if there were any new videos posted. There was. Two more of my friends were being held captive by the vampire. I was absolutely terrified and I feared for my soul. I knew I would die that night; there was nothing I could do to protect myself from that killing machine (garlic, holy water, etc., were ineffective against this particular vampire). I sat and waited in fear for his terrible arrival.

That was when I awoke, thank God. I was so relieved that I started laughing. The dream was long, damnit! Too long. I immediately had an idea about what the dream was telling me and fell back asleep. I'll spare you any analysis---I feel bad enough for relating the dream in detail---but it would seem a very strong message had been sent to me.
--

I wanted to share what happened with Kim at work the other day---some scandalous stuff--- but it'll have to wait until my next post, because I'm pretty beat. I went on a tent job at Mass General today and though it was kind of cool walking around wearing a hard hat and vest, the construction site was a muddy mess and I couldn't wait to back to dry land.
--

I'll watch some more of Planet Earth tonight, the best nature series I've ever seen. Really, I've watched most of it so far with my jaw agape. Incredible!
--

Gio brought Timothy, the little Yorkshire Terrier puppy, into work after lunch today. He left him with me the entire afternoon and he slept in lap as I did my paperwork. I hope he comes back.

In the morning we'll wrestle and ruin our stomachs with coffee

Good to be away from work for a bit. Bill walked out on me yesterday, his reason being he didn't want to work under Gio, who had recently become warehouse manager. "I don't trust that asshole", he said. "He's a rat and I'll never take an order from him." There wasn't much I could say to that, save a couple of comments about Bill not necessarily working under Gio, but rather working with him, that didn't really carry much weight. So, he left and I'm short a mechanic. Too bad, I liked Bill and his peculiarities.
--
Yesterday, I went to The Independent with Luke Warm for lunch and afterward went to his house to play some basketball on his Playstation. We played as the Fucks, a team comprised of the NBA's hardcases. Not a bad team, really, but we still lost against the Cavs. These things happen.

Hung out with Spira later on and got some latte's at the 'bucks and later went back to my place to watch a Frank Zappa documentary centered around the his high watermark period of Overnight Sensation and Apostrophe.

I finally got to watch Loose Change: Final Cut last night and I was impressed with how much new information they put in. Having said that, it seemed a little too convoluted for it's own good. Could be because I watched rather late last night and wasn't as alert as I otherwise would be. I'll have to watch it again to be sure. One thing that was sure about the film was that it established clearly that the events of 9/11 were not orchestrated by Mr. Bin Laden & co.

Not that you need to know or even care, but I've been damn horny recently. It must be my mating season. Ladies, if you want to help a brother out, you can shoot me an email at dukefame1@yahoo.com. Even if it's just to talk me through this difficult time, your help would be much appreciated.

Going to watch some of the BBC's Planet Earth series later on. Amazing stuff. If you haven't seen it yet, you owe it yourself to check it out. That's a direct order.

Hold my life until I'm ready to use it

There's a song on the new American Music Club album called Windows on the World about Mark Eitzel, the singer of the group, being shown a good time in New York by his friend Kid atop the World Trade Center in the restaurant the song is named after. There is no mention of 9/11 in the song but it lurks, ominous, in its seams. It ends with the crunch and squeal of feedback, which I'm sure was intended to depict the implosion of the building.

I've listened to the song over and over and I think it resonates with me so much because it illustrates how much was lost that fateful day in September. So many people's lives were taken from them that it's still hard to digest. To attach histories to the thousands who perished would be overwhelming. As a student of 9/11, I've focused more on the perpetrators of the day's events than I have on the people who were murdered. They should not be forgotten, though it may be hard to conjure their lives from the ashes. We owe them that much.

I just watched a documentary on Google video called 9/11 : Falling Man, about the people who jumped from the World Trade Center in order to escape the horror from within. It was a touching and disconcerting video. Such a grand tragedy, all that loss of life. An even greater tragedy is that the criminals who orchestrated and profited from this mass murder have not been brought to justice. And it appears there are more than a few of them. The tyranny runs deep.
--
Last night I went to Christopher's in Porter Square and had dinner with Adam, Michael, Andy, Inmay, and Bridget. I had a burger with avocado slices, caramelized onions, and swiss cheese. Don't think for a second that it wasn't delicious, because it most certainly was. It was good seeing everyone. Our table was in front of a fireplace and I didn't want to leave it's warmth, that is until I saw the face of a demon in the flames. Then I was like "Yo, this is mad fucked up!", and hightailed it out of there.
--
Gio brought a Yorkshire terrier puppy he was taking care of named Timothy, to work yesterday, and I fell deeply in love with him. Not romantic love---I'm not into the interspecies scene---but love in its truest sense, which is inexpressible, by the way, so I won't even bother trying to define it. We became best friends within five minutes of meeting each other and throughout the day I made excuses to go out back and hang out with him. And sometimes he'd come see me. On one occasion, I was working at the computer when I felt something brush up against my leg. I thought it may have been a rat and I nearly fell out of my chair. Turns out it was Timothy and in my fright, I nearly stepped on him. That would have sucked, crippling my new best friend.
--
After today's snowfall, I expected my drive home to be a precarious one, but you know what, it was ok. I took a nap when I came home and woke up feeling blue. I always do when I emerge from naps. Don't know why. I'm usually fine when I wake up in the morning, but after naps it takes me a few minutes to snap out of the doldrums. Anyway, what I'm leading up to, and it's not much of a climax to the paragraph, is that after I woke up and after I had some nan and biryani, I went out and shoveled my driveway and sidewalks. Nothing of note happened while I was out there; just shoveled, is all.

I told you it wasn't much of a climax.

There's danger at the edge of town

While out on errands for work, I stopped at Newbury Comics and picked up Radiohead's In Rainbows, an album I'd been putting off getting for reasons that escape me, and the latest from American Music Club, one of my favorite bands. That one was a surprise; I had no idea they had a new one coming out. So far it's really good. Both bands write some of the most gorgeous, haunting ballads I've ever heard and it's a nice bit of symmetry that I picked up discs by them. My original intention was to pick up the reissue of Jesus of Cool, Nick Lowe's first record, but they didn't have it. Oh well, maybe another time.
--
I called my grandmother's house today, expecting her to pick up. I knew she had been slated to return home either yesterday or today after having surgery to put cement in her spine (this was too strengthen her back), but when the phone kept ringing, I knew she was still in the hospital. I called over to Lahey Clinic and my aunt picked up. My grandmother was sleeping after having her second surgery in as many days. My aunt sounded heavy-hearted. Out of anyone, she is the closest to my grandmother and this has been especially hard on her. She told me my grandmother is still in a lot of pain and that they'll be performing another surgery tomorrow in an effort to alleviate some of it. As it stands, she'll be leaving the hospital in a couple of days only to go right back to rehab, this time in Woburn.

I've heard from various family members that my grandmother has mentioned throwing in the towel. This could be the final stretch for her. How much more of this can she take? She's ninety years old and she's in constant pain. I hope she gets through this, but what I hope more is for her to be free of pain.
--

After going for a run after work, I heard the call of the Black Dragon again. And yes, I heeded it's call. Of course I did---like I said in a recent post, the shit is good! Anyway, henceforth I'll be taking a break from the dragon. That, my friends is a promise. I'd curse you, Spira, for exposing me to the stuff, but it's so damn tasty I can't fault you.
--

The exterminator came by work today to empty out some traps and when I saw him out back he asked me if I wanted to see what he caught. I said sure, and he opened the the box he was carrying and inside were three dead rats. Half-expecting a feeling of revulsion at the sight, instead I was surprised at how clean and well groomed they looked. Considering where they hang out, that was an impressive sight.
--

Going to watch some of the C's tonight. KG, Big Baby, and Perk will be making their returns from injuries and it'll be good seeing them play again. Especially KG. With that, I will end this and try to get some songwriting in before the game.

She's always out making pictures, she's always out making scenes, she's always out the window, when it comes to making dreams

For the past two days, I've been nursing a mild headache. I never get headaches and I'm appalled at the situation. Ah, you don't care, do you? As it happens, I don't really care that much myself; I was just looking for a little sympathy. Headache aside, my spirits are fairly high and I'm not even dreading returning to work tomorrow, though another day off would have been ideal.

I ended up going back to Yoshi's for takeout last night. Yes, it was the Black Dragon sushi that I went back for. Quite possibly it's the best sushi I've ever had. I gave some serious debate today over whether I should go there for lunch, but I opted not to go. I'm willing to hurl myself into addiction, but this would have been too much, too soon. When I was there last night, the guy who had waited on us Saturday night processed my order. He gave me a grin as I was leaving, as if to say, "I knew I'd see you again the minute you ordered the Black Dragon last night. No one escapes its clutches." To be sure, you'll be hearing more about me "chasing the dragon" in upcoming posts. I'm hooked.
--

I talked to my sister this morning and she told me that when she had talked to my father a couple of weeks ago, around the time my grandmother had been admitted to the hospital, he told her I hadn't shown much interest in her welfare. This was in response to my sister's question about whether he told me she was in the hospital . He said he'd wait for me to call him if I wanted information. Well, he eventually called me, but not until my grandmother had been in the hospital for a few days. I'm going to have to address this matter with him because I don't think it was fair to me. Granted, at the time, I hadn't been calling my grandmother once a week and visiting her frequently, but damn it, if she's sick I need to know about it, whether it appears I've been showing interest or not.
--

Been watching episodes of Man vs. Wild online and I'm pretty sure if stranded out in the wilderness, I'd last seventeen hours, tops. Depending on the weather, of course. If it was real cold, I'd give myself twelve hours. If there were Grizzly Bears around, I'd last about an hour. I don't know how I came up with these calculations, but they feel right, so I'm going to stick with them. Of course, if I keep watching this show, my odds of surviving will increase substantially. But Celebrity Rehab beckons, and it needs my attention, so it doesn't look like I'll be a survivalist anytime soon.

Cassius Clay was hated more than Sonny Liston, some like KK Downing more than Glen Tipton

Timing is everything. Sometimes it works in your favor, other times not so much. It would be safe to say that in light of my current predicament, the latter half of the previous sentence is where I'm at. You see, it's a bit after ten a.m. and I really, really, need to use the bathroom. Earlier, when I got up from my chair to make my way to it, Kreg's door opened and he beat me there. Knowing that he's probably doing the ol' shit, shave, shower bit, I'm in for a wait. It's ok, I can hold it, and he has told me in the past that if a situation such as this one should ever arise, to let him know and he'll pause his bathroom activities for a spell while I do my business. So why don't I just go knock on the door, then, if I have to go so bad? Well, I don't want to disturb his process and more importantly, a real man should be able to hold it in. At least that's what my father used to scream at me when I was a tike. He'd get so loud, my eardrums felt like they were going to explode. Anyway, I think Kreg's out of the bathroom, so I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere.
--
Had a nice get together at the house last night. Janelle came down from NH with Zico, her doggie du jour, and the rest of us---Luke warm, Spira with beau in tow, Pat and Allie, Kreg, and myself---were locals. Some of us had gone to Yoshi's for dinner earlier in the night and feasted on sushi. Spira had been promoting their Black Dragon sushi with the fervor of Don King and I was afraid that no matter how good it turned out to be, it wouldn't live up to the hype. Not only did it live up to the hype, it surpassed it. Absolutely amazing, it was. We all loved it. It was comprised of avocado, eel, black roe, and other stuff I'm not sure of. I'll hope they keep it on the menu, because I'm going to be looking for it again.

After dinner, we walked back to the apartment and drank some delicious sangria that Janelle made and had ourselves a little party. I, for one, enjoyed myself thoroughly. I spilled sangria all over myself after teasing Spira about being drunk. Turned out I was in the same boat as she was.

It was great having a dog around. I played with Zico whenever I could and fell in love with his growl. It was very robust. Wish I had a growl like that.

Whenever Pat and I get together, we riff on music. We have similar tastes and it's nice having someone to talk to about The Pentangle or Wire. Last year he played me some out of print Dennis Wilson records and I was so thrilled I came close to giving him a hickey.
--

I have the next couple of days off from work and I'm going to enjoy them as much as possible. The NBA allstar game is on today and I'm going to try and watch it, seeing as how Doc Rivers is coaching the East and Ray Allen, KG (even though he's injured), and Paul Pierce will be on hand. Got to support the team (that's a Seinfeld reference, by the way. Figure out who said it and when, and I'll give you a hickey).

And the neon mercury vapor stained Miami sky, it's red as meat

I went to the grocery store after work today and I spent an angry ten minutes trying to find parking. I encountered several obtuse sons of bitches doing the same and it was a good thing I found a spot when I did , because I was about ready to, as Hannah Montana would say, go mother fucking ape shit. I wondered why it was so insanely busy until I walked into the store. Last minute Valentine's day shoppers were scurrying about like cockroaches. Wonderful.

Not that I'm a Valentine's day Scrooge---well, maybe I am---it's just that the timing wasn't ideal for me to do a week's worth of shopping. And seeing everyone buying flowers and chocolates for their mates didn't exactly make me feel all warm and fuzzy, nor did it make me want to take a blade to my wrists. I guess what I'm trying to say is that even though I don't put much emphasis on Valentine's day, particularly because I'm single, I still envy those in the position to celebrate it. That being said, I did get to talk to my mom, whom I love, tonight, and that suffices plenty.

My grandmother is in the hospital again, again as a result of the severe pain her back is giving her. They discovered another fracture in her pelvis. Her bones are so brittle, a sneeze could have caused the injury. Hopefully, she'll be able to return home in a day or two.
--

I'm tired and want to do some reading before I drift off. First, though, Joni Mitchell's Don Juan's Reckless Daughter, her best in my opinion, needs some serious attention payed to it.

Rainy day, dream away

I'm stuck at work waiting for Larry to return from a delivery. He's with a guy, Nahil, who just started today. First impression is that he's a nice guy and a hard worker. Time will tell how things pan out. Gio was supposed to work today, and if he had stayed the entire day, instead of leaving after a couple of hours, I would not be sitting here at the desk I've been sitting behind all day. No, I'd be eating a nice, hot dinner and beginning phase one of relax mode. Well, things could have been worse and nothing got majorly FUBAR today, so, provided I make it home in one piece, today will have been a success, albeit on a modest scale. And about Gio and Larry and everything in between? Nothing I'd care to get into, which you should thank me for, by the way, because it's hardly interesting stuff.

Update: I made it home around six thirty and quickly reheated some fiesta rice and some General Gau's chicken. Kind of an East meets South West affair and surprisingly good. While I ate, I watched clips from the Roger Clemens hearing and wondered if there was anything else congress could occupy their time with.

After supper, I shoveled some slush off our driveway while listening to the song Montana. When that was done I made some coffee and here I am drinking it as I write.

And there's your laundry list.
--
While waiting for Larry to return, I read a ton of old emails to pass the time. I went as far back as '05. I had Serena , the short-fused, yet eternally lovable, pooch, back then. Alas, I had to give her up, an occasion that I doubt will ever sit well with me. I was also living at my parents at that time, having been a member of the diaspora that resulted from the selling of the house my friends and I had been living in. That house was a gathering place for us and the selling of it signaled an end of an era.

Maybe it was the shitty weather that brought about a trek through my past, but I had also been ruminating on what my situation was this time last year. Not very good. I was jobless with no prospects, my unemployment had run out, and Spira had announced she was moving out. I was as low as I'd ever been, yet I was determined to get myself out of the hole I was in. Though sometimes it feels all I did was jump into another hole, only smaller, things are markedly better. Sometimes reflection is beneficial. Puts things into perspective.
--

Time to go watch some of the Celtics game. They're playing the Knicks, the dirtiest sons-of-bitches in the league. They'll put up a good fight, especially since they hate the C's, but we despise them even more, and alas, we'll crush them into the dirt, or the parkay, as it were. (For the record, I have no idea if I spelled "parkay" correctly, but I have a feeling you don't either, so let's leave it at that).

She's the kind of girl you want so much, it makes you sorry

I should be taking a shower right now, but instead I'm sitting here typing away. I don't know why; just following the muse, I guess. And why is that I should be taking a shower in the first place? Well, I'm a little filthy from work and sweaty from the run I went on after dinner and a shower, the taking of one, is firmly in the terrain of necessity, meaning if I don't I will have become someone I wasn't planning on becoming for another twenty years, namely the guy who just doesn't care anymore about hygiene. The mere fact that the skipping of one shower would place me in that category should tell you something about how low I've fallen. (Ladies, be advised: I'm really well groomed and take pride in my appearance. All that stuff above is fiction. Fiction, I tell you.)
--

We have a rodent problem at work and the exterminators came by today to lay some traps. As they went about their work, they gave me an tutorial on rodent prevention. Did you know that rats can flatten themselves down to a half inch? Or that mice can flatten themselves down to a quarter inch? They sure can, and as one of the guys was telling me all this, he suddenly jumped back a step and exclaimed, " I just saw one run under the shelf". He acted as if he'd never seen a rat before, which I found to be a bit odd, considering his line of work. He called out to his partner, who was a about ten feet away and said, "Hey, I just saw a rat! Can you believe it?" He then turned to me and said,"You'd think we'd be all macho and not put off by these things, but man, we sure can be. Whoo, seeing that put a jolt right through me." It sounds made up, the story I'm relating, but it's not. What it was, was funny. At least to me; you probably thought it was lame. But you don't have a sense of humor, do you?
--

Foley and I were going to take Luke Warm out to dinner for his birthday tonight, but as Foley would have been coming down from New Hampshire, and a heap of snow was on the itinerary for this evening, more so up in his parts, we decided to reschedule, which in the end, was fine with me, because I'm pretty sleepy.

Speaking of showers, I ought to go take one. Yes, it's past time for me to undress and stand under the hot water, and lather myself up with soap. And of course, I'd rinse off. Can't forget about that.

I am just living to be lying by your side, but I'm just about a moonlight mile down the road

I've gone through more light bulbs in my bedroom since I've lived here than I had in the previous three years combined. And the funny thing is, you'd think I'd have extra light bulbs on hand, but I hardly ever do. So, when another bulb died on me today, I immediately bundled up and walked over to Brooks and bought a box of bulbs, not before stopping at the 'bucks to grab a latte (I am not proud of my fairly regular visits to that establishment. I will seek counseling to correct matters.)

Traded in a bunch Bob TV's cd's, the ones he "left" behind, and some of my own at Newbury Comics yesterday and picked up a few Zappa discs and the Stone's Sticky Fingers in exchange. I also picked up Across the Universe, a film I'd been eager to see. After getting some Chinese food at Chang Sho's, Kreg and I watched it last night. I was impressed with the film on a number of levels, not least of which was the great arrangements of Beatles songs. Inspiring and refreshing film. Glad I saw it.
--

Felt a pang of regret last night over what could have been between her and I. Not sure what brought it on, but when I gave the it some thought, I wondered what it was, if anything, that prevented anything from happening. A theory or two popped up, but I dropped the subject as quickly as I could. What good could come out of dwelling over the past? No, better to leave it be. At least while things are dormant.
--

Just finished watching the last season of Curb Your Enthusiasm, and it was one of the better ones. I love the Blacks, particularly Leon, played by J.B Smoove. I hope they bring him back next season.

Ok, I'm done with you. As you were.

Wowie Zowie, baby, you're so neat

I tend to get sleepy when I write about topics that require me to think, so with that said, I'm not going to tackle any big issues in this post. Of course, now that I think of it, I can't remember the last time I got anywhere near a big issue in this journal, so scratch my opening remarks, except the part about getting sleepy, because that much is true.

I figure I should open up the ol' mail bag and answer some mail since I haven't done it in a while and it is Saturday, after all, the perfect day to perform such a task.

Kevin,

My friend and I have been arguing over this for, like, ever: She thinks the Royal Albert Hall can hold up to ten thousand people, while I maintain it can only nine thousand. Please settle this debate. A steak dinner at a nice restaurant is at stake.

Jesse, from Ontario

Jesse,

Both of you are wrong. The Royal Albert Hall has a capacity of 8,000 people, though it has accommodated up to 9,000. However, modern safety restrictions allow only 5,544 people at one time, including standing in the Gallery. Looks like you'll each be buying your own steak.

Kevin,

What's with all the movies centered around fringe sports, like dodgeball and figure skating, and why does Will Ferrell have to be in most of them?

Bruce,

Brooklyn, New York

Bruce,

I noticed that Will Ferrell is now starring in a basketball movie ---I gleaned this information from a billboard I drove past yesterday. It's all about money and these films are cash cows. And so is Will Ferrell, who, with this current release, is officially typecast as sports comedy movie guy. I hear his next film is about the card game Uno. Should be wild, wacky, stuff.

Kevin,

What is the greatest film of all time?

Perry,
San Francisco, Ca.

Seven Samurai. I just can't think of a movie that succeeds on as many fronts as this one does. I watch it at least once a year and it still blows my mind. But if that film never existed, I'd go with Little Nicky.

Kevin,

How do I go about amusing myself. I only ask this because I'm a humorless prick.

Ted,

Portland, Me.

Ted,

Here's something I do that never fails to make me laugh, and you can do it anywhere. Whenever I'm in a room where people are talking, I imagine they're auditioning for a movie or a play that I'm producing; and what they're saying is actually from a script they memorized. For example, at work today, my mechanic Bill was talking on the phone, and the conversation took on a hilarious dimension once I pretended he was auditioning for me. It's a lot of fun--trust me. All you have to do is sit back and watch. Try it some time, you humorless prick.

I pay a high price for my open talking like you do for your silent mystery

I hadn't heard anything from my family about whether my grandmother was home from the hospital, so I called her house yesterday to see if she was there. She was. She had returned on Tuesday after having an MRI and an ultrasound. She had originally been slated to come home on Saturday, but was kept a couple of days longer because she had suddenly become ill and passed out a couple of times. Hence the tests. The doctors thought she may have had a stroke or a heart attack. Fortunately, neither was the culprit. They concluded she may have just caught a bug that was going around.

I asked her about when a good time would be for me to come visit. Any time, she told me. I don't think I'll be leaving the house for a bit, she said. After I got off the phone with her, I decided I'd go to her house after work and surprise her.

When I got home from work, I made some biryani with black beans and chicken and then went for a run. I headed out for Nana's a little after seven, stopping at the White Hen first to pick her up some Italian cookies. I arrived at her house around seven thirty and saw that it was completely dark inside.

I got out of my car and looked around, not sure whether I was at the right house. When I determined that I was, I wondered why there was even a question. I've been spent my entire life going to that house. Why would it suddenly seem so foreign? I began to grow alarmed until I realized the reason for my initial uncertainty was due to context. I'd never been to her house when it was devoid of activity and bathed in darkness. I leaned against my car for a moment, snow tickling my face, and felt a wave of melancholy over what the scene represented.
Since I was born, Nana's house has never been anything but a place of love and warmth to me. Sitting there by myself in winter's desolation, I thought of the reoccurring dreams I have of Mandy, the dog of my youth. In them, she's old and frail and her unspoken request is for me to let her die. You can't go home again. Thomas Wolfe had it right. I don't think of the past very often and consequently don't consider myself very nostalgic. My dreams, however, seem to be telling me otherwise. I got over my dark reverie and called Nana from my cell phone. She answered on the third ring and told me she had been sleeping.

I felt bad for not having called ahead of time, but she did say stop by any time. I waited a few minutes for her to open the door and she told me she needed to get up anyway and have some dinner. We talked for a little bit and I made her some soup and heated up some mashed potatoes for her. It was a nice visit and I was glad I was able to spend some one on one time with her.
--

Wasn't going to go for a run tonight, but after eating too much sushi, I decided, out of guilt mostly, I better work it off. I'm glad I did; it was a good run.

I'm not going to lie to you, I'm spent and am going to wrap this up shortly. I'm spent but I had a good day. For some reason, everyone acted nice to me, even people, like the perennially jerk-offish customer I dealt with today, I thought would be pricks. Probably because it's Friday, but I'd like to think the worm has turned for me and from here on out everyone will act kind and loving towards me.

So do your part and start treating me better.

Lucille has messed my mind up.

A strange and arguably tragic thing happened yesterday. I was at work sitting at the computer, hula-hooping a chain I had pulled off a pen around my finger. As the chain picked up momentum, I lost control of it and it went flying, nearly hitting Kim in the face. If it had struck her, I'd have assault added to the growing list of crimes I've commited against her (if you recall, I've already sexually harrassed her, according to Gio).

When I went to retrieve the chain, which had landed about five feet away from me, I reeled back when I saw that there was a mouse an inch away from it. It looked like it was dead and I wondered why neither Kim nor I had spotted it before. Then it started to move slightly. I realized then, especially after seeing that it couldn't move it's rear legs, that the chain must have struck the poor thing and rendered it crippled. Kim, despiser of rodents, urged me to dispose of the creature post haste. I wasn't about to discard this mouse, one that I injured, albeit without intent, so hastily. I sat and watched it struggle and I felt awful. I knew I had to remove it, but since it was me who injured it, I wanted to at least make it comfortable. It was the least I could do.

After some deliberation, I fashioned a little nest out of some paper towels, put the mouse in it, brought it out into the warehouse, and placed it a corner hidden behind some boxes. There was no way it was going to survive, but, as I mentioned, I wanted it to be comfortable. I checked on the mouse this morning and it had passed. I was a little relieved---at least it wasn't suffering. I know we tend to personify animals and often disregard the fact that nature is harsh and unforgiving. I'm always amazed at people's reactions when a tiger or a shark attacks a human. They take it personally, as if the attack was premeditated with evil intent, even though it was behaving the only way it knew how.

Nature is not a Disney cartoon, all cuddley-wuddley with hugging bunnies and smiling chipmunks. I know this, though I admit sometimes I'm guilty of ignoring this truth, but not this time. In this instance, my actions were more the result of feeling poorly about crippling an animal, no matter how small it was. Because of me, this animal was denied the right to thrive.

I don't begin sobbing every time I step on an ant or witness a dead bird on the side of the road. I don't think animals should be made into humans. I'm not crazy about seeing dogs wearing sweaters and earmuffs, and I'd hazard a guess they're not so keen on the idea, either. I do, however, try to respect animals. And that's what I attempted to do in this situation, though it may not seem so. After all, I did break the back of a mouse. Just call me The Crippler.
--
After work, I went directly to Spira's apartment, which is on my way home. We had some turkey chili that she made from scratch for dinner, and later took a walk to Starbucks for a couple of white chocolate peppermint lattes, stopping on the way to chat with Ally, who we spied through the window of the pet grooming place she works at. Back at the apartment, we watched Eyes Wide Shut with the intent of spotting the veiled references to the CIA's MK-ULTRA and Monarch mind control programming.
--
Had another sad dream about Mandy, the dog of my youth. This time, I watched as my dad walked her down the street I grew up on. They both looked old and withering. Can't stop the passage of time. A tough lesson. As you might expect, I woke from the dream not feeling very merry. Another dream I had, which involved a friend of mine ending up with the woman I had pined over recently, also didn't leave me with a feeling of glee. It seems I can't even catch a break in my dreams, at least not lately.
--
Been listening to a lot of Frank Zappa lately. For some reason I've been craving his music . Kind of came out of nowhere. I'm thinking about watching 200 Motels, the absolutely unhinged movie he made back in the day . Back in highschool, my friend Steve and his brother Frank, used to watch the movie every Friday night without fail. They were die-hard Zappa fans and knew every bit of minutia about the man and his music. I, along with my friend Mike, used to fall asleep during the movie. I think we offended the brothers by doing so. Anyway, if I watch it tonight, I wonder if I'll make it through to the end. If I do, it will be the first time.

You say our love is like dynamite, open your eyes, 'cause it's like fire and ice

A curious aspect of human behavior I seem to encounter fairly often: At work, whenever someone calls and asks for something we don't have, when I respond clearly in the negative to their query, they usually reply with, "Oh, you don't have it?. At that point, I'll repeat what I just said, which usually goes something like, "I'm sorry, but we don't have that". It's a strange and puzzling dialog, even moreso because it happens all the time. Here's the formula mapped out:

1. The question.

"Do you have _________?

2. The answer.

No, we don't have______.

3. The follow up question.

So you don't have it?

4. The follow up answer.

No, we don't have______

Occasionally, their level of incredulity will bring about another question.

5. Ah, so you don't have it?

At this point, I'm beginning to think they're of the belief that if they ask enough times, what they're looking for will suddenly manifest itself. Depending on my mood, I'll respond to the question the way I had from the get go, hoping that by doing so, by not varying one wit, they'll realize how ridiculous they're being.

6. No, we don't have______.

If I'm feeling a bit prickly that day, the urge to say, "You know what, now that you've asked me a bunch of times, we actually do have what you're looking for. Your persistence has payed off, my friend!", can be near overwhelming, but I always manage to keep myself in check.

This type of behavior is more perplexing to me than it is infuriating. When encountered with it, I usually end up thinking about human nature and whether there's hope for our species. To be frank, I often come out the other end of these thoughts feeling a little soured on the human experience.

That said, I'm just as often inclined to be impressed with my fellow humans. Even though we fuck up more than succeed, there are some amazing, wondrous, things being accomplished by some wondrous, amazing people.

I guess what I'm getting at with this post, is that people are stupid. But they're also amazing and wondrous. Or.........ah, this whole thing is making me sleepy, which places me in the stupid category, I think.

But you knew that already.

All I heard was the sound of the world coming down at me

The Patriots just lost the Super Bowl and I'm certain that I'm one of the few people in New England who isn't ready to take a razor blade to his wrists (remember folks, it's not across the road, but down the street when you apply the blade). I'm actually happy for the Giants, who accomplished what no one thought they would. And I'm also happy, merry and mirthful even, that everyone can now focus their attention on The Celtics. I'm kidding---there's no way that's going to happen. We're in for at least a couple of weeks of doom and gloom Patriot fans coming out the wood work, explaining to anyone who'll listen that the Pats lost because Brady's ankle injury was more severe than anyone thought and he shouldn't have been following his model girlfriend around, boot or no boot, and we should now trade him and most everyone else on the team because they now suck real fuckin' bad. And once the ashes of this Apocalypse have settled, it'll be time to start reporting Manny and Cinco Ocho sightings down if Florida. No, I don't think there will be room for the C's in the coming days. For that to happen, a big story will have to emerge, like the discovery that Paul Pierce was caught on film giving Kobe Bryant a Rusty T in the locker room before a game. Not impossible, that: I read somewhere that they were BFF's.
--

On Saturday, Bill wouldn't talk to Gio and when Gio asked him why, Bill replied, "Because you ratted me and Kevin out to Karen last week. Why did you do it?" According to Bill, who is prone to severely embellish, Gio responded by saying, "Because why not!That's why!"

Now, I have no idea how it actually went down---throughout the day, I heard several versions of the confrontation from Bill, each one more elaborate than the last and each one showcasing his absolute dominance over Gio---and I didn't care. I was fed up with all the infighting and tried to focus on the job at hand. Gio was so pissed at Bill he insisted on going solo on a couple of big jobs. I let him---at least he'd be working and, more importantly, he'd be out of the shop and away from Bill.

Karen came in at one point and addressed the original incident, the one that sparked the exchange between Bill and Gio, with me. She told me what I said the week prior was disgusting and that you just can't say things like that to a coworker. I told her that in context what I said wasn't disgusting---sarcastic and edgy, maybe, but not disgusting. I told her it was a slip up and I'd be more vigilant over what I say in the future. And, just because he's a mixer, I told Karen Gio's as guilty as anyone when it comes to salty language. That put the capstone on this ridiculous affair. I don't care what happens from here on out, I will not return to the matter even a little bit. It was absurd from the get go and went on for way too long; kind of like the Presidential debates.
--

It dreamed to me , as Kaspar Hauser would have put it, that I was asked by a certain woman to marry her. It was surprising, scary, and it felt good to know someone regarded me well enough to spend her life with me. I woke up feeling a little empty; I was alone, single, and the odds of being proposed to were slim. I went through my day with the dream hanging diaphanous in my vision. I dreamed about her again later on that night, though I can't recall much of it. Probably better that way.
--
I'm going to listen to some Nina Simone and then watch Dracula on Google video. Either that, or I'll play some music and read from Lonesome Dove. Well, whatever I do, it's time to get started.