Lucille has messed my mind up.

A strange and arguably tragic thing happened yesterday. I was at work sitting at the computer, hula-hooping a chain I had pulled off a pen around my finger. As the chain picked up momentum, I lost control of it and it went flying, nearly hitting Kim in the face. If it had struck her, I'd have assault added to the growing list of crimes I've commited against her (if you recall, I've already sexually harrassed her, according to Gio).

When I went to retrieve the chain, which had landed about five feet away from me, I reeled back when I saw that there was a mouse an inch away from it. It looked like it was dead and I wondered why neither Kim nor I had spotted it before. Then it started to move slightly. I realized then, especially after seeing that it couldn't move it's rear legs, that the chain must have struck the poor thing and rendered it crippled. Kim, despiser of rodents, urged me to dispose of the creature post haste. I wasn't about to discard this mouse, one that I injured, albeit without intent, so hastily. I sat and watched it struggle and I felt awful. I knew I had to remove it, but since it was me who injured it, I wanted to at least make it comfortable. It was the least I could do.

After some deliberation, I fashioned a little nest out of some paper towels, put the mouse in it, brought it out into the warehouse, and placed it a corner hidden behind some boxes. There was no way it was going to survive, but, as I mentioned, I wanted it to be comfortable. I checked on the mouse this morning and it had passed. I was a little relieved---at least it wasn't suffering. I know we tend to personify animals and often disregard the fact that nature is harsh and unforgiving. I'm always amazed at people's reactions when a tiger or a shark attacks a human. They take it personally, as if the attack was premeditated with evil intent, even though it was behaving the only way it knew how.

Nature is not a Disney cartoon, all cuddley-wuddley with hugging bunnies and smiling chipmunks. I know this, though I admit sometimes I'm guilty of ignoring this truth, but not this time. In this instance, my actions were more the result of feeling poorly about crippling an animal, no matter how small it was. Because of me, this animal was denied the right to thrive.

I don't begin sobbing every time I step on an ant or witness a dead bird on the side of the road. I don't think animals should be made into humans. I'm not crazy about seeing dogs wearing sweaters and earmuffs, and I'd hazard a guess they're not so keen on the idea, either. I do, however, try to respect animals. And that's what I attempted to do in this situation, though it may not seem so. After all, I did break the back of a mouse. Just call me The Crippler.
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After work, I went directly to Spira's apartment, which is on my way home. We had some turkey chili that she made from scratch for dinner, and later took a walk to Starbucks for a couple of white chocolate peppermint lattes, stopping on the way to chat with Ally, who we spied through the window of the pet grooming place she works at. Back at the apartment, we watched Eyes Wide Shut with the intent of spotting the veiled references to the CIA's MK-ULTRA and Monarch mind control programming.
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Had another sad dream about Mandy, the dog of my youth. This time, I watched as my dad walked her down the street I grew up on. They both looked old and withering. Can't stop the passage of time. A tough lesson. As you might expect, I woke from the dream not feeling very merry. Another dream I had, which involved a friend of mine ending up with the woman I had pined over recently, also didn't leave me with a feeling of glee. It seems I can't even catch a break in my dreams, at least not lately.
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Been listening to a lot of Frank Zappa lately. For some reason I've been craving his music . Kind of came out of nowhere. I'm thinking about watching 200 Motels, the absolutely unhinged movie he made back in the day . Back in highschool, my friend Steve and his brother Frank, used to watch the movie every Friday night without fail. They were die-hard Zappa fans and knew every bit of minutia about the man and his music. I, along with my friend Mike, used to fall asleep during the movie. I think we offended the brothers by doing so. Anyway, if I watch it tonight, I wonder if I'll make it through to the end. If I do, it will be the first time.