There's a doctor I've found can cure the boy

Well, I consumed about half the lollipop the other night and felt zero effects. Around 11:30, I went to sleep and that was that.

But not really.

I woke up around 3am to pee and as I was getting my clothes on, I realized I was insanely high off my ass. My senses were humming, my heart was racing. It took hours but the cannabis finally kicked in.

"Oh, well", I thought, "back to bed with me and I'll sleep it off". Easier said than done. I learned quickly that sleep would not be possible, at least not for a while. I got back in bed and closed my eyes but my body was humming wildly and I was beset with visuals that had little association with anything I'd deem reality. I also had to contend with severe dry mouth, which I had expected and prepared for. I furiously guzzled water.

No sleep for you, buddy.

I managed to calm myself down a bit with some breathing exercises. This was good, because anxiety and paranoia were creeping around, ready to be called into action. I kept telling myself I needed to harness the high, to pacify this typhoon. The breathing helped, but I was still rip-roaring high.

I hesitate to say I was going through hell, because I wasn't, but it wasn't a very comfortable affair. Still, I was maintaining and not freaking out which, I should mention, is always a distinct possibility in this type of situation.

Sleep finally came a couple of hours later when the birds were chirping and the sun was coming out. I woke up later than usual and still high. I made breakfast (an interesting experience) and took a long cold shower that helped restore some equilibrium.

I debated whether to go to work sooner than later. After a cup of coffee, I still felt high but I was alert and decided I'd attempt the drive. If, once in the car, I didn't feel good about it, I'd wait until later.

I ended up feeling well enough to drive and made it to work without incident. I parked on the street adjacent to our building and as I was walking up the sidewalk, Amanda called out to me from her car. She pulled up to the curb and I got in the passenger side and told her my story. We had a good laugh about it.

I was high most of the day, but it wasn't nearly as intense as it was at 3am. It was a pleasant day, actually, albeit a little altered.

Lesson of the day: Be very careful about consuming cannabis edibles. Proper set and setting is key. It's a different ballgame than smoking cannabis. And, just for the record, I was careful about it. If I go down that road again, I'll have to be even more careful.

Overall, it was a cleansing experience, believe it or not. Not something I want to go through every day, but it was beneficial. 

What a ride!
--

Alright, I'm out.

P.S. I probably know more about a thing than you think I do, so a bit of advice: choose your lies wisely and get your stories straight, people. Ha!

Penetrate the evening that the city sleeps to hide

Home from work and relaxing after a fulfilling dinner. Not long afterward, I licked at a THC laden lollipop for a bit. It's my first time with the lollipop, so I took pains not to over indulge. It's a different ball game when you eat or drink cannabis. If you're not careful, the experience can be and overwhelming, anxiety-riddled affair. Believe me, I know from experience. I ate a pot brownie at a party once (on an empty stomach, to boot) and went through hell for several hours. I am not looking to relive that experience. No, sir.

Last night, I had a dream in which I was in Ontario looking for Sasquatch with TimberGiantBigfoot. As we headed toward a dirt road we saw one cross it. It was massive, about fifteen ft. tall! Its footfalls were so heavy, the ground shook. What a sight to behold! Alas, it was a dream, but boy do I wish it had actually happened. I've been nerding out on everything Bigfoot lately, so I'm not surprised the elusive creature has been occupying my dreams.

Not feeling anything yet. It's only been about forty minutes. We'll see if I make it through this post. Ha!

Janelle is pretty close to completing my new tattoo. I'm eager to have it done. This one will be quite a bit larger than my first ones. And it will be equally as meaningful, particularly because one of my nearest and dearest is designing it.

Alright, time to plan out the rest of my evening. I plan on practicing yoga; we'll see how it goes once the cannabis kicks in. I'm guessing it will be a deep, bliss filled experience, but who knows. We'll see.

One last thing. To the best of your ability try to live in the present and not stew over things that happened in the past. For example, if you're stirring up shit about me regarding something like, I don't know, a bunch of emails from years ago concerning an offensive joke (not told by me), my recommendation is for you to let it go. Or you can gossip about it some more. Your choice. That's right, things have a way of getting back to me. Personally, I don't really care that much, but the ears do ring sometimes. I would say get a life, but I'm not about to enter the fray. Anyway, life is too short; try to enjoy yourselves.

The past is history and the future a mystery.

Peace, children.

I saw you dreaming of Paris

I'm making my usual potato dish this evening, but I'm raising the bar and serving it with falafel. My prediction: I'm going to enjoy it. Unless I completely fuck it up, which is possible but barely, my dinner will be a tasty one. And, I might add, it will be a healthy one. I only say that because I want to express how advanced an entity I am. But you figured that out already.

It's been a lazier day than I anticipated, but I have been productive. Thought IE might be practicing today, but it didn't pan out. I practiced yoga this morning. Lately, about every other session incorporates a stool and I use it in different ways with an emphasis on upper body and core strengthening. It keeps me mindful of the present, too, sometimes profoundly, and that is a wonderful thing. I've developed quite a number of exercises with that wooden stool. The open-endedness of yoga, it's malleability, is why I never get bored with it. My practice evolves as I evolve.

Late last night I watched The Babadook, one of the best horror films I've seen in a long time. Spooked me out a bit. Really well done. Kind of like The Shining in its way. Had a real dreamy atmosphere. The acting was exceptional. A lot to praise. I recommend it.

Turns out I need new front ball joints in my car. Won't cost quite as much as I had feared, which is a relief. Also a relief is the news that I don't have to get it fixed right away. I've spent a lot of money this month and one more expense would have been uncomfortable. I'm glad I had the car looked at; now I know what I'm dealing with.

I finally took steps to relieve us of the mouse problem. I picked up a couple of no-kill traps. It'll probably be a longer process than straight up poison but I'm alright with that. I was on the fence about the poison and every time I convinced myself it was the cheapest, most effective solution, a weird thing would happen: the store wouldn't have any in stock or I'd just flat out forget to look for some. I don't want to murder anything if I don't have to, so I'll give these traps a shot. The mice should send me a thank you card for thinking of their well being. I've got to tell you, I doubt they will.

Well, dinner is about ready.

Bye, lovers

He's the man who decides if I live or I die, if I starve or I eat

I met a woman named Amanda a few years ago up in NH. We hit it off immediately; she was attractive all the way through. A group of us went to see a gypsy band play at the local pub. Amanda and I got to know each other a bit; laughs, back stories, shared interests.

Rachael had wanted us to meet; she thought we would pair up nicely. We did, but we didn't pursue much of a relationship beyond that night. We ended up being friends on FB. We don't interact, but I see her posts in my stream and I enjoy them. They are generally uplifting in content; nothing snarky, no rabble rousing.

There's a warmth and authenticity that emanates from Amanda. Even though we haven't been in touch, I appreciate and am often inspired by how she chooses to depict herself on FB. Through her page, I discovered her sister's blog, which is also positive in nature but focuses mainly on her athletic endeavors.

I feel slightly creepy about peaking into other people's lives, but these days it's common to know people without really knowing them. To wit, this blog. There are people  I've never met that read from it that know more about me than I know about my coworkers. It's kind of off-putting, I suppose, but I hardly think about it. It's the world we live in.

Anyway

Joe Rogan often says that the key to living a healthy, productive, and satisfying life is to surround yourself with positive people. It's a good model and holds up pretty well under scrutiny. I'm fortunate to be able to say that I've got a sizable group of people in my life who lean towards positivity that inspire me to better myself.

One of my friends has had a tough go of it recently and in the midst of being besieged by torment, fear, and pain, he's making an effort to climb out of the ditch. It's been a slow, messy, and arduous process (that's life, folks) but I find it admirable that he's taking action.. A lot of people moan about their plight while not lifting a finger to do remedy it.Whether my friend unburdens himself from his current predicament is secondary to the fact that he's taking a stand on behalf of himself.

I've found that the more I align myself with wellness, love, and compassion, the unsavory, negative people and situations that swim around my life flake away like dead skin. Like attracts like.

It's of great value to me having positive people in my life. The more I utilize the inspiration they provide me and apply it to my own life, the more I'll be able to inspire others. All these wonderful gifts life presents us and most of us are focused on the empty calories of status, wealth, and possessions. There's the suffering the Buddha warns us about.

So take the reigns as best you can, but take them. Your grip might be weak and shaky at times, but keep at it. It's the only way out. 
--
My car is at the garage. Again. Probably struts, who knows. It's been an ongoing problem, the clunk and clatter I hear whenever I go over a bump or two. I'm just looking for a diagnosis; not sure I'll be able to afford the repairs this week.

I don't have it that bad with my car. It has yet to break down and leave me stranded on the side of the road somewhere. I've been fortunate enough to have been able to drive it to the garage whenever there's been a problem.

It's got some miles on it and consequently needs more attention than a new car, but it's served me well overall. I'm saying this as I think of all the money I've dumped into recently scrolls through my mind, but whatever. I can only control what I can control. I'm hoping this last round of repairs will be it for a while. Fingers crossed.

On that note, I'm going to practice some yoga, work on music, read, take a walk, whatever. I'll talk to you later.

I'm your toy, I'm your old boy, but I don't want no one but you to love me

After a whirlwind week and a half long search, we've found a roommate. Or, to put it closer to the truth, I found a roommate. Fred has been vacationing out west throughout most of the process. I met with a bunch of people and liked most of them, but it was our first interview, Andrew, who will be moving in.

He wasn't my first choice. I expected a woman named Samantha would be our next roommate. She came by Monday night and seemed like a good fit. She got back to me on Tuesday and said she was offered another place but liked ours better. She asked me if I could let her know by the following day whether I'd accept her as roommate. At that point I was pretty drained and hadn't met anyone other than Andrew and Samantha that I thought would be a good fit. I decided to sleep on it but figured I'd offer her the place in the morning. The morning came and as I was about to call her I received an email from her telling me she'd accepted another offer.

I promptly emailed Andrew and offered him the place, hoping he hadn't found one yet. As a precautionary measure, I re-posted the craigslist ad and steeled myself for the possibility I'd have more interviewing to do. Fortunately, Andrew responded quickly and accepted the offer. I was relieved. I think he'll fit in well and the fact that he was one of the few people that met Fred and Pepper the dog, is an added bonus.

I met some interesting people over the last week or so and might even hang out with one or two of them at some point. We'll see. I'm just glad it's over. Andrew's lease at his current place isn't up until May, so Evangeline will be able to stay here a couple of weeks longer, which is a relief to her. She's not leaving for Chicago until mid month; she figured she'd be couch surfing until she left.

I've been busy in other ways that I'm frankly not in the mood to expound upon. Boring shit, nothing salacious.

Next month will be interesting. Ignore Emporium will have it's first performance at our lovely band mate Michelle's TED Talk, which I think pretty much the entire planet will be able to watch. It's kind of surreal; I was already excited for Michelle, but now that she graciously included Janelle and me, it's exciting and, well, as I said before the semicolon, kind of surreal. Hey, we're a team and we're going to bring the ruckus!

Well, that about does it for me. I don't foresee things slowing down in the near future. A bunch of stuff lined up. During what little off time I've had, I've delved deep into Larry McMurtry's Ned and Zeke, which is fucking amazing. I guess you could say he's my favorite author. I've also been delving deep into Bigfootery. Ah, but you don't want to hear about that.

Good night, rascals!

Three days was the morning

Our kitchen has gradually been overtaken by mice. I've known about it for a while but it's becoming a bit too much. Walking into the kitchen is often a startling experience because of those little buggers; we're starting to jump at shadows. The thought of killing a bunch of mice hasn't filled with me glee - I've debated the pros and cons extensively - but they've got to go. If  my roommates were shitting on the stove and counter tops, I'd get rid of them too. There would be no murder in this scenario, however. Well, probably not.

This week has been a mixed bag. It was tempestuous and go,go,go and worrisome and pleasant and challenging and shitty and ...... basically life, only accelerated and occasionally overwhelming. It's a beautiful day and I'm going to enjoy it. Because I'm an introvert, I need to recharge my batteries. I haven't had much time this week for myself. It's been a quiet, sunny morning; just the elixir I need.

Evangeline's mom is visiting this weekend. I like her quite a bit. She's very mom-like and warm. A good energy to have in the house after a trying week. The three of us had some good conversations and laughs last night. Fred left for vacation yesterday so I had to fly solo interviewing potential roommates last night. After each one left, Evangeline and her mom would tell me their thoughts (they were cooking and eating during both interviews). I appreciated the input. I like to have a few more people come by and then make a decision.

A few things:

The Galaxy Invader is one of the best movies I've ever seen. It's a B movie, to be sure, but it's so unintentionally funny and earnest and unique. It's a classic. I've watched it several times and it gets better with each viewing.

Saw the new Batman VS. Superman trailer and it looks great. The Frank Miller Batman reboot the movie is based on was a favorite of mine back in the day. Ben Affleck is going to bring the ruckus, I can feel it. The suit looks bad ass! I'm kind of excited. Same goes for the new Star Wars. The shitty thing is it will be winter when both films will be released and just the thought of that foul season gets me all frowny. Here's my solution: release both movies next weekend. Let's make it hap'n, Cap'n!

Ok, on with the day.

Namaste!

So I leave the ways that are making me be what I really don't want to be

Today was a bit of a downer and I'm not precisely sure why. But, hey, one can hardly be precise when diagnosing afflictions of the mind, so it's reasonable that I'm a bit in the dark. "Want to talk about it, big guy?", you ask. Sure! Let's workshop this, friends.

Or not. Not in the mood to keep feeding a lower energy pattern I'd just as soon be without. I'm over it for the most part but I feel soiled, like I need to take a shower. Look, it's just life and life, as you know, isn't exactly easy or fair. We're all just trying to get through this in our own ways.

At lunch, I was reading an essay by Annie Lamott and was reminded not to be so hard on myself. She writes "I don't know why life isn't constructed to be seamless and safe, why we make such glaring mistakes, things fall so short of our expectations, and our hearts get broken and our kids do scary things and our parents get old and don't always remember to put their pants on before a stroll. I don't know why it's not more like it is in the movies, why things don't come out neatly and lessons can't be learned when you're in the mood for learning them, why love and grace often come in such motley packaging.'"

How can you be anything other than compassionate towards yourself when you know you're going to lose everything and everyone you care about in this life? Most of us even don't know why we're here or where we're headed. Our very nature alludes us, the truth of who we are, micro an macro, a mystery. We shouldn't be so hard on ourselves.

Anyway

Busy busy busy, but, alas, not the kind of busy that has fun anywhere near it. The roommate search begins in earnest and I see a slew of interviews in my near future. I'd rather avoid the process, but it's never so bad - we get to meet some nice people - just time consuming.  We've had some fine people live here; I hope our luck continues.

I'm pretty sure I'll be dog sitting for one of Spira's neighbors for a few days at the beginning of May. Spira's done a fine job of talking me up to her neighbors and now that I've already had a couple of gigs under my belt, I'm hoping I see more requests. It's a great way to make extra money and you get to hang out with dogs. What's not to like? Well, I guess I wouldn't like it if the dog I was taking care of was a fucking prick and house sitting for two bulldogs a few months ago was more or less an uncomfortable, occasionally creepy experience. But I know this dog and he's pretty cool, so I don't foresee any problems. And he lives in the same building as Spira, maybe even the same floor, so I'll get to hang out with her and Missy D. Maybe we'll watch Glee or some shit.

--

My libido has been pretty active lately; it tells me I'm in need of some physical affection. I agree completely, but how do I go about this? Hit me up if you have any ideas, particularly ones that don't involve money or going to a sports bar.

Well, I guess it's off with me. Have a great night!

I can't know what I'm bout to do

Spira and I went out for Ethiopian food tonight. It was my first time. Spira had been raving about it for a while and never got over her surprise that I'd never had it before. Well, I learned tonight why she was so enthusiastic. It was one of the best meals I've had in a long time. And healthy to. Oh, and you get to eat with your hands, which is a small but satisfying bit of liberation from unflinching social norms.

A fine meal and fine company. Spira's reached a place in her life that is a pleasure to behold. The work she's put into her spiritual practice over the years has been paying off. She glows these days.

Alright, look: I'm keeping this briefer than brief because it's been a long day and I'd like to unwind before bed. The weather was raw and cold today - winter's grip has not weakened much - and it makes me want to get under the covers and ease into a lucid dream of endless azure pastures of divine bliss.

Ciao

I've got some things to say just for the fuck of it

April 1st and I'm chilled to the ...well, not the bone - it's not that severe - but whatever, I feel like I've been bullied by winter for far too long. Still, it's been nice hearing the birds talk and sing in the morning. They've been the scouts of warmer weather.

I know I've mentioned here before that writing lyrics hardly comes easy to me. If it was a fraction as easy as writing music, I'd be overjoyed like a puppy in a room full of tennis balls. Since it's the lyrics that slow the process down, there is self-imposed pressure to produce them much quicker. The thing is, you can force a hen to do a lot of things but you can't force it to lay eggs on command. Creativity needs to be treated gently, to be nurtured like a child.


To that end, I've decided to approach lyric writing  a bit differently because I've been slumping like a boss and the the child I'm trying to coax results from is crumpled bug-eyed in the corner too terrified to do anything. So the idea is to sit down with pen and paper with no expectations and just write. Get the train choo-chooing. There's a great scene in Finding Neverland in which a producer reminds a sullen JM Barrie that there's a reason why they call it a play. So let's play, dammit! The key component to success will be consistency. I've got to work the creative muscle on a regular basis. I started last evening and I'll do so again tonight.

Well, it's been real, but I'm going to keep things brief and utilize the remainder of the evening as best I can.

G'night, children.