So I leave the ways that are making me be what I really don't want to be

Today was a bit of a downer and I'm not precisely sure why. But, hey, one can hardly be precise when diagnosing afflictions of the mind, so it's reasonable that I'm a bit in the dark. "Want to talk about it, big guy?", you ask. Sure! Let's workshop this, friends.

Or not. Not in the mood to keep feeding a lower energy pattern I'd just as soon be without. I'm over it for the most part but I feel soiled, like I need to take a shower. Look, it's just life and life, as you know, isn't exactly easy or fair. We're all just trying to get through this in our own ways.

At lunch, I was reading an essay by Annie Lamott and was reminded not to be so hard on myself. She writes "I don't know why life isn't constructed to be seamless and safe, why we make such glaring mistakes, things fall so short of our expectations, and our hearts get broken and our kids do scary things and our parents get old and don't always remember to put their pants on before a stroll. I don't know why it's not more like it is in the movies, why things don't come out neatly and lessons can't be learned when you're in the mood for learning them, why love and grace often come in such motley packaging.'"

How can you be anything other than compassionate towards yourself when you know you're going to lose everything and everyone you care about in this life? Most of us even don't know why we're here or where we're headed. Our very nature alludes us, the truth of who we are, micro an macro, a mystery. We shouldn't be so hard on ourselves.

Anyway

Busy busy busy, but, alas, not the kind of busy that has fun anywhere near it. The roommate search begins in earnest and I see a slew of interviews in my near future. I'd rather avoid the process, but it's never so bad - we get to meet some nice people - just time consuming.  We've had some fine people live here; I hope our luck continues.

I'm pretty sure I'll be dog sitting for one of Spira's neighbors for a few days at the beginning of May. Spira's done a fine job of talking me up to her neighbors and now that I've already had a couple of gigs under my belt, I'm hoping I see more requests. It's a great way to make extra money and you get to hang out with dogs. What's not to like? Well, I guess I wouldn't like it if the dog I was taking care of was a fucking prick and house sitting for two bulldogs a few months ago was more or less an uncomfortable, occasionally creepy experience. But I know this dog and he's pretty cool, so I don't foresee any problems. And he lives in the same building as Spira, maybe even the same floor, so I'll get to hang out with her and Missy D. Maybe we'll watch Glee or some shit.

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My libido has been pretty active lately; it tells me I'm in need of some physical affection. I agree completely, but how do I go about this? Hit me up if you have any ideas, particularly ones that don't involve money or going to a sports bar.

Well, I guess it's off with me. Have a great night!