Rejoice, rejoice, we had no choice

I've been looking for jobs every day and so far haven't found much of anything promising. It's been like sifting for gold at the edge of a nearly dry creek bed. Discouraging, yes, but also empowering inasmuch as I'm being proactive. Something will come along eventually. Just have to keep plugging away. The question is should I find a part time job to supplement my current one or get a new full time job? I'm exploring  my options.

And while I'm at it, I'm researching, albeit without much vigor so far, other career possibilities, like work at home jobs and yoga teacher training, which is looking better and better to me. I've worked a lot of shit jobs in my time and I'd like to find something that pays well and is gratifying. Can it happen? Sure, but sometimes I wonder as I scour hundreds of jobs a night that I'm either unqualified for or that have every appearance of being soul-sucking. I'll find something, just have to keep at it.
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I had what may have been a paranormal experience yesterday. I was at my mom's house and had gone upstairs to the office (my old bedroom) to check something on her computer while she was out walking Mimi. After a few minutes I looked behind me and discovered the door was almost completely closed. I never close that door. When I use my mother's computer, it's usually for her benefit. I anticipated her joining me when she returned from her walk because I was researching toilet repair videos on YouTube (hers is having minor issues) and wanted to show her what I found. Closing the door would have signaled a need for privacy.

The office has two windows and both were shut. The AC was on in my mother's room across the hall cooling the entire upstairs, so I immediately ruled out a breeze from outside as the cause. Even if there was one, I doubt it would have had enough force to maneuver the door, which brushes against the carpet and doesn't swing loose. It was a hot day and I was in a small room with the windows shut. Even with the door open, it can get stuffy in there. Closing it would have been counter-intuitive.

I told my mother what happened when she joined me. She was nonplussed. I didn't mention it to her, but when I discovered the door was shut, I thought of my father.  During my last visit, I had asked my mother if she had encountered any ghostly activity since my father passed away. She said she hadn't and joked that my father probably couldn't wait to get out of there. I'm convinced there is genuine paranormal activity that occurs in the world; I'm just not sure what causes it. I'm not married to the idea that it was the ghost of my father that shut the door, but I won't rule it out.

And look, it could have been me that did it. Even though I think it implausible, it's still possible I was the cause. I was thinking about how I should articulate my search query on YouTube; I could have shut the door while ruminating about toilet parts (something I do more than you'll ever know), unaware on a conscious level that I did it. Who knows.

My gut tells me it wasn't me that did it. I'll leave it at that.
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Boy, did I have a nightmare last night. I was alone in an ill-lit attic between two wide screen TVs  that were spaced about ten feet apart. Each were broadcasting liquid, trippy images of satanic imagery and symbols. One would draw me in close and when I managed to pry myself from its allure, I'd be drawn to the other. Back and forth I went, trapped between two masters. At one point I realized it was a dream and knew that the only way out of this was for me to wake up, but I barely had sovereignty over myself. It took a colossal, panicked effort, but I eventually woke up.

 Maybe I shouldn't have eaten five bowls of chili before bed. Well, it was Billy who suggested it. I'll have to have words with him.

I hope to have better dreams tonight. Perhaps my return to a regular meditation practice will pay off. We'll see.

Namaste, lovers.