Knowing me, knowing you

New Year's Eve was F-ing bangin'!!!!! Yeah, that's right, things were out of control and I can't even believe I'm not in the hospital recovering from all the damage I inflicted on myself. I've never understood those people who spend New Years like it's a night out with grandma. They are barely alive, if you ask me. They probably don't even drink, either. Anyway, here's what I did.

My night started yesterday morning. I woke up and pounded a couple of growlers to wipe away the cobwebs. Then, after deciding two weren't enough, I had two more. Since I'm fucking awesome at holding my booze, I barely felt a buzz. Then Skeezy came over and rolled a spliff for the two of us, which we smoked nicely. The shit he had was from like Belgium or Liberia, or some shit, and it KNOCKED OUR ASSES RIGHT THE HELL OFF!!!!!!!

We sat around and watched Supertroopers and talked about the chick Skeezy banged at the club the night before. Nice! Around four, Skeezy bounced and I had another growler to tide me over until dinner. I played guitar hero for a while, all high and drunk (nice!) and then fell asleep on the couch.

Later on, Skeezy came back over with Tooley and Sweeney. Tooley brought the jello shots and we went to town on 'em. I scolded him for not putting triple the amount of alcohol in the shots, but whatever, he was already buzzed, and it wasn't too big of a deal. I did, however, have to cool off in the bathroom for a few minutes. I punched the mirror and I guess I'll have to get a new one today.

We got chink food for dinner and we totally fucked with the delivery guy. Skeezy blew snots in between the bills and handed it to the guy. The guy frowned at the money in his hand and Skeezy screamed "You got a fucking problem, you fucking illegal immigrant?" in his face. The guy looked like he wanted to say something, but he was too chicken shit and left. Good thing, cuz we would have turned him in to the government and they would have shipped his ass back to china land, or wherever he came from.

Skeezy puked all over his pork fried rice and got all pissed cuz he thought they dosed the food with poison cuz they hate Americans. Yeah, he was cocked, but he might have been on to something. So we got in his car and drove to the Chinese food place to complain. Before Skeezy could say anything to the assholes, Sweeney poured a bottle of his piss all over the counter and said "We don't like this commie shit in our country, you fucking cocksuckers. Poison us again and you'll see what America can do!" That about summed it up, and we left, laughing our asses off in the car. Fucking Sweeney!

Later, we went out to the club and met up with Jenna, Amy, Jules, and Duffy. Jenna was looking fucking hot, and I made sure I danced real close to her when "Soulja Boy" came on. I was double fisting a couple of growlers while I did it, too. LOL. She was totally feeling my vibe and I was like "You look bangin' in those jeans, baby! You're coming back to the crib later, right?". She was down with it and we danced some more.

Amy and Jules spent a lot of the night in the ladies room cuz Jules was pukin' and cryin'. It sucked, cuz I wanted to mack on her at some point. Whatever, I wouldn't want to hit on someone who can't hold their booze, anyway.

When the ball dropped, I was fucking cocked out of my skull. Nice! Some guy walkin' by me said excuse me and I punched him in the jaw. He's lucky I didn't do more, the fucking cocksucker! Go to a gay bar if you want to hit on guys. Know what I mean? Anyway, he was knocked the fuck out, snoring away on the floor. It was a good punch. Jenna saw it happen and ran to the ladies room crying. Whatever, Duffy and Skeezy saw it and thought it was hilarious. That's why they're my friends and Jenna is just some chick I fuck.

After the club, we went back to the crib and did keg stands in the kitchen. Duffy got in a fight with Jules and she started hitting him in the face and shit. Then they went into the bathroom and started crying. I went into the living room and sat with Jenna, who had passed out on the couch. I kept trying to wake her up so we could into the bedroom and fuck, but the bitch wouldn't budge. I got so pissed, I dragged her outside and left her on the sidewalk. Amy found out about it and had Sweeney drag her back inside. She got all in my face and yelled at me about how inconsiderate I am and blah, blah, blah. I gave it right back to her, but the landlord came down and told us to be quiet, so I couldn't unleash my full fury on her.

Around five in the morning, everyone was passed out all over the place except me and Skeezy. We shaved Amy's head and Skeezy pissed all over her. Serves her right for being a bitch and yelling at me. It was so funny! Then we played some beer pong in the kitchen.

And that was my New Year's Eve. I woke up on the kitchen floor with a piss stain on my crotch. Nice! Overall, aside from not scoring with Jenna, it was a bangin' night.