Last night, as I lay with Mara on her couch, I marveled at how different my life had become in only a matter of days. Last week, I had a job and was single. This week, I'm unemployed and have started seeing someone. I'm almost afraid to think about what next week might bring.
I hung out with Mara on Monday and Tuesday. I'll get into why I don't think it's too much too soon a bit later. First, I should introduce you to her.
Mara's a photographer (whose work is impressive, I might add) and she reminds me of a cat (after telling her this, she laughed and told me she's allergic to cats). I can't really articulate why this is so, except to say I think it has more to do with the way she expresses herself in a fluid, feline kind of way, than with her fondness for mice and milk.
The time I've spent with her so far has left me coated in a soft tingling buzz. On Monday afternoon, we met up at TrueGrounds to discuss which type of moving truck she should get (a topic I was schooled in because of my last job) to move a couch and sundry out of her old apartment. She was a little stressed over the prospect of not knowing if she'd find anyone besides myself to help out. It being the end of the month, she only had a couple of days to do all of this.
Once we figured out a plan, we spoke of other, less pressing, things. Moments like when she casually reached over and held my hand while we talking are sweet to reflect upon. We walked back to my apartment afterward and hung out on the couch. We kissed, fondled, and talked. At no time was it awkward, even during pockets of silence. It's been surprising how effortless this whole experience has been so far. And being surprised in a positive way is a surprise in itself.
Yesterday, along with her roommate, Matt, we moved the stuff out of her old apartment, which, especially regarding the couch, was a lot easier than it looked like it was going to be. She had rented a truck at Penske, where I was able to get her a discount because of my association with them at my dreaded last job. Strange being there in a different capacity, but it was good being able to say goodbye to one of the guys I knew there.
When we finished with the move around ten thirty, we went to the grocery store for some snacks and went back to her place and watched an episode of Lost on the couch we had just moved (The fact that it's a great black leather couch made moving it all the more worthwhile). I left after the show; we were both groggy and needed sleep.
Ok, now I'll address the too-much-too-soon issue and any other concerns in the form of a Q&A.
Let me get this staight, you had your first date with this woman on Saturday night, you hang out with her on Monday, and by Tuesday you're HELPING HER MOVE? Explain to me how that doesn't qualify as too-much-too-soon.
It's going to be hard, I think, for my response to be perceived as anything but a cop-out, but I'll forge ahead anyway and hope that at the very least it will seem like I believe it even if you don't. Here goes.
On paper, I'm dead to rights on the too-much-too-soon thing. I readily admit that. However, (I can already here you groaning) we've been conscious of taking things at a slow pace (e.g. not having sex, even when we really, really wanted to) and necessity shaped our last two encounters more than a giddy urge to be together in new-couple bliss. Look, there was no way I was going to decline to offer her any help with the couch, especially when I had recently ended up with a lot of time on my hands. And it was me who offered to help; it wasn't her idea, in case you're wondering if she's that kind of woman.
Are you worried that she might distract you from searching for a job?
The thought has crossed my mind on more than one occasion. I can see how easy it would be to brush off the job search and spend all my time thinking about and being with her. It's a common pitfall, and one I'm not saying I'm too smart to avoid, but I think I'll be alright. I think this way for two reasons: 1. Beginning a new relationship at this time will make me get a job sooner for the simple reason that there's nothing worse than dating someone when you have no money. I don't want to be that guy any longer than I have to. 2. Being unemployed again, and being fired to boot, isn't exactly a confidence boost. Having Mara in my life has made it easier to stay positive and focused. And confident. Having someone not only say yes to a date offer, but actually seem to be into me, has given my esteem a nice jolt of energy.
All in all I like the tempo of this relationship. We're both similar in that we enjoy our independence and are not into the idea of rushing things. I don't think we're going to be spending all of our free time together. That being said, I've really enjoyed being with her and I'm not about to take our relationship with a rigid approach (just in case you're wondering, when I say relationship, I'm saying it with a small "r" and not a big "R"). If we feel like seeing each other, we will. We're adults (although in my case, that's a dubious claim) and I'd like to think we're capable of navigating things in a healthy way.
In the truck last night, Mara told Matt I waited a week to call her after I asked her out.
"But you had gone away that week", I protested.
"I still had my cell phone on me", she joked.
"No, there was no way I was going to call you while you were away. That would have not have been courteous."
"I definitely agree", Matt said.
"What if I called you the next day?", I asked.
"I wouldn't have minded", she said as Matt and I laughed in disbelief.
"Of course you would have minded", I said. "And rightfully so. That would have been too soon."
"That must be a guy thing, because I think girls don't mind when they get the call".
Matt and I weren't having it. We agreed I had called her at the appropriate time, that any other time would have been inconsiderate and strange. I asked her if she would have minded if I called her that night, immediately after I asked her out. She thought that would have been a little odd, but she still wouldn't have minded. Matt and I weren't buying it.
There have been a lot of things about Mara that I like, but I won't go into all of them here. I don't know where things are headed, but I'm not in the business of trying to determine that. I'm having too much fun being in the moment and letting things unfurl as they might. When Spira asked me how things were going with Mara, I told her it was nice, that things were progressing organically. I wasn't exactly sure what I meant by that, but it was the closest I could come to articulating something special that's arrived in my life.
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