You're not the only one with mixed emotions

It feels strange being home on a Saturday; I haven't had one off in over a year. There are more adjustments to come. I woke up intermittently this morning with scenes from my former job dancing like sugar-plums in my head. I tried valiantly to rid myself of these images, but they were as persistent as horseflies. I told myself to ride it out, that my ego's just trying to make heads or tails out of this sudden and dramatic change in my life.

I like the perspective I have right now. Sure, I'm not quite filled with glee at the moment, but why would I be? Even though I'm much better off away from that job, it doesn't change the fact that I don't have one right now. And that is cause for concern. Yet, I believe I'm viewing the situation with clarity and that is what is going to get me through this. Below are several insights I've garnered concerning the matter.

--- Just because I've gone through the experience of having the experience of losing my job loop
in my head on auto pilot, doesn't mean I'm depressed over it. To be sure, I'd have a lot more
fun having a sexual encounter or a good conversation spin around in my head, but I'm seeing
this for what it is, something I've already mentioned above: my ego's reaction to a sudden
and dramatic change. And we all know the ego is not too keen on changes of that stature.

---I believe that at another time in my life, I'd be beating the shit out of myself for getting fired.
I'd equate it with failure and embrace my ego's interpretation that the apocalypse has landed
right on my head. I would eventually get over it and gain some perspective, but it would take
a lot longer than it will this time around.

---I'm allowing pockets of fear, despair, worry, what have you, have their moment in the
Sun. It's healthy and natural for these emotions to be expressed, but they will be given short thrift . They will be sat at the kids table where they belong.

I look forward to seeing Mara tonight. The timing does kind of suck, but as I mentioned in my last post, it's probably not a coincidence. Whether I like it or not, I'm entering a new phase in my life, at least concerning work, and, though it's a little daunting to think upon, it's also a bit exciting. Tonight with Mara, I will ask her to join me in celebrating my departure from that toxic hell hole of a job. No mourning allowed.