The Final Bell?

Bob TV and Spira had it out today. It all started when she walked into the kitchen and saw an unattended pot of boiling water on the stove. Nearby, she saw a box of pasta, a jar of tomato sauce, and a container of grated Parmesan cheese, all of which were hers. When she found out it was Bob TV who was preparing the Italian feast, she asked him why he was using her food. That's when the shit storm erupted.

I wasn't there, though I did manage to hear the tail end of the dispute, and I'm not claiming this is the final word on what went down, but one thing I'm sure of is the argument didn't end well. Apparently, BTV took umbrage with Spira's accusation, claiming she's always been quick to accuse him of eating her food. This was interesting, considering that just a moment before, he had admitted the food wasn't his. I'm going out on a limb here, but that probably wasn't the best time for him to bring that up. But, lest you think this was an open and shut case, Bob TV had more to say in his defense.

After jawing at her about the unfair accusations she's leveled at him in the past, BTV brought out the big guns. He asked her why she was so sure the food was hers. After all, each item had a Shaw's label, and everyone knows he's the one who shops there. She replied that she shops there, too, and therefore doesn't equate Shaw's with Bob (I confess that I do. There have been times I've put her food on his shelf precisely because of the Shaw's label). He asked her again why she was so sure the food was hers. She answered by pointing out that he had ALREADY ADMITTED the food was his, but even without that incriminating evidence, she told him she was sure because she has an awareness of what is hers.

They continued on like this and, frankly, much of it is a tangled mess that I'm not inclined to untangle. What's important here is how it ended. Spira laid it all on the line and told him it was stupid for them to be arguing because she was planning on moving out. Like I said, I wasn't there, but I'm pretty sure that threw BTV off. According to Spira, he started to probe her about this new development, asking her when she was planning on moving, and whether she was taking me with her. To each of his questions, she replied that she didn't know.

It was a foregone conclusion that the argument would end that way. In my mind, there was no other option. Spira and Bob TV are like Robitussin and Orange Juice: they don't mix well. (I hate conjuring up such a bad memory, but I've mixed OJ and Robitussin before---those crazy days of my youth---and I can attest to the fact that they don't mix well. Not that you needed any reassurance on that count). And because they don't mix well, they don't make compatible housemates. (Like how I arrived at that conclusion all by myself? Genius, I am!)

Because I'm not sure what my living situation will look like in the coming days and weeks, I didn't have much to say to Spira in the way of convincing her to reconsider her decision. For my part, I don't clash with BTV as much as Spira does, but I do find him to be incorrigible and at times have felt his presence in the house to be undesirable. That said, I've had worse roommates, and despite his negative traits, I like Bob TV. He is a warm and intelligent person. But, he's also a fucking slob, talkative, and borders on being clingy. Again, though, I've had worse roommates.

I enjoy living with Spira, though she's messy, too. But she, at least, has helpled out with the cleaning---BTV never has. We have fun hanging out together and give each other space when we want to be alone. If she moves out, I will definitely miss her. It won't be the same without her, but for all I know, I'll be back at my parents house when she moves out, though I pray that doesn't happen.

What an uncertain time this is. Things look grim, but I've got to keep a positive outlook. Giving in to despair is tantamount to throwing in the towel, and no matter how things resolve, I will keep fighting. And I'm not above taking donations in the form of one hundred dollar bills from any of you who want to help this charity case, so give and give freely if the mood strikes you.
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Before I sign off, I just want to put into writing my affection for a man named Count Fuckula, who was on the show Extras. I've only seen him on one episode, and that appearance was brief, but he sure did make an impression on me. Maybe it's his name.