Ok, I'm only like two minutes late and they're already in full swing. Last time I showed up ten minutes late and we still had to wait for stragglers before the the class commenced. This group must have a high population of braniacs. That sucks, because that lot always asks a ton of questions and, consequently, the length of the class extends significantly. I'll be so cross if they fuck this up for me. Since when did I start using the word "cross"? Kind of like it. Let's stick with it for a while. Could be a keeper.
The instructor....Holy shit! This guy looks exactly like Hal Holbrook! Not just a little: exactly. The only conclusion I can make is that it IS Hal Holbrook. I'm starting to get excited; better calm down and let it sink in that Holbrook has entered the private sector. Ok, I feel better. Hal Holbrook---who would have guessed it?
There are some fine looking women here. That table by the window has the two best looking ones sitting at it. The blond one is the type that jocks with baseball caps and sandals would dig. I think she'd just annoy me. The brunette next to her is average in the conventional sense, but I think she's much more attractive than blondie. Long brown hair in a pony tail. She looks like she could be Tobey Macguire's sister. I'll have to ask Hal Holbrook if he's ever seen Toby's family out and about in Hollywood. Maybe she is Toby's sister. Well, we already have one celebrity here, so why not a celebrity's sister?
The blond woman I was looking past in order to check out the hottie table by the window has caught my attention. She is tall and blonde, with strong features. She's probably Norwegian. Man, I can't believe how pretty she is. She probably thinks her nose is too broad at its tip, but I think without it, she'd be one step closer to being as ordinary looking as the blond at the hottie table. She's wearing a frilly, simple black dress and sandals. She appears to be pregnant, but has probably only recently started showing. She looks a little like Helen Mirren, but more like Bibi Anderson.
.
"And you should take some time to exercise. That is important. Exercise is key. You don't want to fall into the routine of the couch potato, something that is all too easy to do when you're unemployed."
Hal is talking a lot about exercising. I'm only half......okay, one quarter listening to his presentation, but I've snapped to attention every time I've heard the word "exercise" because it seems a little odd that he would emphasize it so much. I agree with him---exercise is pivotal---but if I wanted to know more about exercising I'd go to the Y.
Bibi Anderson is so beautiful. I can barely stop looking at her. Long neck. Her hair is short, which is flattering, because her neck is so pronounced. And delicate. Like a swan.......Damn! Snap out of it! I'm becoming unglued in such an un-sexy and corny way. Let's focus on Hal.
"When I was on Designing Women back in the eighties...." What the..... Did he just say what I thought he said? Or was I drifting off to sleep? Let's listen more carefully, henceforth.
"Now, we have other resources available all over the greater Boston area. You can take advantage...."
Bibi is too good for me. If I was single, I wouldn't stand a chance with her. Not that I believe she's "better" than me in any way that's important, but she's definitely in a higher bracket. She's a thoroughbred, alright. Brought up with the best of everything, I bet. What would she want with a pauper like me? Why am I even thinking of this? And why do I presuppose to know everything about this woman when I haven't even met her? I'm being the guy I would want to head-butt in the jaw if I met him at a party. And it's not helping matters that I'm too busy gawking at these women when I should be paying at least a little attention to Hal..
"And if you look at page three in the booklet, I'll go over something that will really help you in the future."
I wonder if those guys on the roof across the street are snipers. And as a part B to that thought, I wonder if they're going to start shooting inside this room. Unlikely. They're exposing themselves way too much to be snipers. Of course, they're probably trying to look inconspicuous. Maybe I should get under the table.
I've spotted the braniacs. There are at least five of them; a pretty high number. The two sitting at the table in the front row are serious offenders. They're taking notes feverishly, but I can't figure out why because Hal is talking at a slow clip. Far be it for me to figure out nerds. Let's see if those snipers are locked and loaded.
Damn, the woman at the braniac table looks like Bruce Bowen. That's a shame.
.
I wonder why Rich left those ceiling tiles on the floor after they nearly fell on him while he was sitting on the couch. I'm sure he was pissed about the experience, but other than leaving the tiles in place in an effort to "preserve the crime scene", as it were, the only reason I can think of for him doing that was because he was plain lazy. Don't know, don't really care. Purely on principal, I am not picking them up off the floor. Especially in light of the fact that I'll most likely be the one calling Marie about this. The closest I see Rich taking an interest in matters is him declaring that "somebody should call Marie about this". Seeing how Craig's done his fair share of Marie-calling, I'm going to take this one on my shoulders. Hope I can get her off the phone in under twenty minutes. Dubious, that.
I can't detect one blemish on Bibi. She has such interesting features. I wonder what her voice sounds like. She looks tired. Her movements remind me of Mara's roommate's turtle: slow, with a careful regard for everything her eyes touch. Is she ever really animated, or is this the way she always is? Of course she gets animated! She's bored and tired. Like you. Pay attention to Hal. It's not polite to tune out when someone's speaking.
"And you want to make sure you're confident in yourself. Interviewers respond well to confidence. Think of moments in the past when you've been confident in yourself. Now, take those moments...."
That guy who looks like William Hung is drifting off to sleep. His head keeps jerking forward.
He's struggling in vain to stay awake, but Hal's voice has taken on the qualities of a soft, gentle lullaby, and with the accompanying silence, it's almost impossible not to fall asleep. If I wasn't so intrigued with Bibi, et al, I'd be fast asleep right now. Man, Bibi looks like she's going to fall asleep, too. Not the braniacs, though. They're hauling ass with the note-taking. What the fuck are they writing? I'll have to ask Bruce Bowen after class. Nah, I want to get the hell out of here.
Hal is talking about exercising again and I welcome it. I need to go for a run today and I need all the motivation I can get. I may not have heard ninety percent of what you've said today, Hal, but I will be the living embodiment, at least for an hour when I'm out running, of your exercise doctrine. Consider your lecture a success!
Ok, class is over. Thank god! Of course, I've got to fill out this crummy survey before I get to leave. Everyone else is leaving. They were the smart ones: they filled out their surveys while Hal was speaking. There goes Bibi. I guess I'll never get to hear what her voice sounds like.
Done with the survey. Gave you excellent marks all across the board, Hal. Now, go back to Hollywood and get yourself a part in a movie or tv show, or some shit.
No comments:
Post a Comment