If I should fall from grace with God

Just came back from a satisfying run and I won't tell you about all the crazy shit that went down during it because I know you think I only write about my runs to satisfy my ego and you resent me for it (I rejected the comma in this sentence. Why? Because I effing can). Look, I'm not trying to massage my ego, I'm just trying to fill up space. And massage my ego. Anyhow, you won't be hearing from me about my adventure with CPR and how lives were saved. You'll have to watch the news like every one else, my friends.

For reals, though, I did have a satisfying run, even though I ran against the wind the entire time. So that's what Bob Seger was talking about. So, uh, yeah...........next topic.
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I was thinking the other day about whether I'd hire someone if they used the abbreviation BFF during the interview. And I'm talking about a good interviewee, I mean REALLY good. Everything is going well---they're qualified, have references, impressive work history, etc. Then, at one point during the interview, they say something like, "My last boss and my brother are total BFF's". And they're not being funny, either. Very important, that part. They say it like they it's a part of their daily vocabulary, like the way I insert "Wazzzuuuuppppp" gracefully into mine.

So do I go ahead and hire this person anyway? I don't know. Does it make a difference if they're male or a female? Maybe. Am I enjoying asking myself a bunch of questions and answering them? Yeah, a little bit. Ok, I'm stalling. I'll put everything on the table. Yes, I probably would hire the person, especially if they were the best prospect. What I'd probably do is try to keep them talking in order to find out if there are other ways they sound like an eighth grader. If I hear them say "prolly" I'll end the interview immediately. No fucking way am I dealing with "prolly". BFF, maybe---"prolly", no way!

It's tough having a pure heart sometimes. Against my better judgment, I'd probably hire the BFF person because I care so much for every human being on this planet, except for Rachael Ray and Dane Cook, but they don't really qualify as humans (ouchhhhh!!!)Now, if they were interviewing at a law firm, I don't know. That might be a little too weird. But, you know what? I'd love to hear an attorney say BFF or even prolly. I just wouldn't hire them to defend me.
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I might go watch some Alan Partridge tonight, but the person I really want to watch it with is Amanda. Her taste in comedy is top of the shelf and I think she'd dig the show. And so might you, if you could just drag yourself away from Flava of Love for a half hour.