It doesn't matter what they say, in the jealous games people play, our lips are sealed

The section of The Power Of Now I read last night was about dealing with positive and negative cycles in life. This morning, when I was having computer issues, I had the sneaking suspicion my day was going to exemplify the latter cycle. I was right.

My ride to work found me, like usual, wondering and worrying about the health of my car. It's a concern. When I got to work, I was called into Jeff's office, whereupon he laid into me about a couple of mistakes I made the day before. This was a first.

Aside from his tone, which suggested I frequently screw up (I don't), what bothered me most about the experience was how I reacted to it. To start with, I wished I had defended myself on at least one point. Hindsight, of course, is 20/20, but if I had corrected Jeff about something pertaining to one of my mistakes, while at the same time accepting responsibility for it, I don't think I would have felt as lousy as I did.

Make no mistake (unlike me, who made at least one and a half), I wasn't angry at Jeff for reprimanding me; he had every right to. Again, it was more my reaction that bothered me. I spent a good part of the day either reliving or rewriting the event. I wished I had gotten past it much sooner, especially since I've been working pretty hard at living in the moment and not letting my thoughts have their way with me like the the sodomites had their way with Andy Dufresne in The Shawshank Redemption. I know, I know: it's a process. I can't expect sweeping changes over night. All I can do is observe my behavior and hope to learn from it.

My day wasn't terrible, just overcast. More than anything, what's bumming me out is my financial situation. I'm so broke. I'm not freaking out, but it's not easy or fun being poor. I know Biggie said mo' money, mo problems, but I figure if I'm going to have problems, I'd rather have the ones people with money have.

So it's job search time. I'll be looking in earnest for part and full time jobs. And also, while I'm at it, I should really start thinking more about setting some goals for myself.

Using the rest of the gift card Janelle got me for Christmas (the perfect gift!), I picked up Dan Simmon's Carrion Comfort, a book Stephen King has called one of the top three Horror books of all time. I was going to pick up Hyperion, which was on the shelf two days ago, but some fucker bought it before me. The nerve! Because Simmon's body of work crosses genres, I thought, before I left the store in disgrace, to look in the fiction section, where I found Carrion Comfort and Drood in hardcover. Since the latter was priced at nearly thirty dollars, I thought it wise to continue with my plan to wait a week or two for it to come out in paperback, when it will be about three times cheaper. I'm excited to read Carrion Comfort. I've heard a lot of good things about it. I finished The Terror last night and if Carrion Comfort is half as good, I'll be in for a treat.

Okay, it's off to other ventures. I think I may watch Hari Kari tonight. Cheers.