If my soul has a shape, well it is an ellipse, and this slap is a gift, because your cheeks have lost their luster

A productive day, at least by my standards. We're going to lighting round this post because it's late and I'm tired. So here's the rundown, and I'm sure you're smacking your lips in anticipation over what awaits you. Let's kick out the jams, mother fuckers! No sense putting this thing off.

Lightning round:

I woke clear-headed, trying to piece together the fragments of a dream I had about me and Obama hanging out.

Made a couple of eggs, added tomato-based marinade with cauliflower, garlic, and sweet potatoes.

Went to work, marveling on the highway at all the shitty drivers.

Worked. Overheard Therese, the mild-mannered and endearingly flaky woman of our group, say this to Ellen & Ann: "Oh, we used to screw all night but when I found out it wasn't very good for my heart, I decided we should cut down." Ann announced, probably for my benefit, because I was RIGHT THERE when Therese said it, that maybe a different topic of conversation was in order. I was amused at the whole thing.

Came home and practiced yoga. I've recently gotten back into it; this past weekend was the first session in months. I hope to keep it up.

Not having much food for dinner, I went to Market Basket. Usually it's like a piranha feeding frenzy, but tonight it wasn't that packed and shoppers behaved themselves. Left with a weeks worth of groceries, all on the cheap. Got to watch the spending these economically uncertain days.

Home. Put groceries away. Cut up vegetables and chicken for my first attempt at making Brium (sic, I'm sure), a dish Spira's made for me before.

It was late when I began dinner: around nine o'clock. I never eat that late, but you've got to be flexible, right? The food was ok, but lacked something essential.

After dinner, went out to my car and saw a few thugs walking past my house. They were large and thickly muscled and carried themselves with the swagger of those familiar with brutality. One of them looked at me. I didn't like being looked at and let him know.

"Is there something I can help you with, you god-damned piece of shit? If you're looking for your sister, I had her last night. Tonight, she's with your garbage man, though I'll bet she's too sore to do much but lie there and whimper. You know, because of all the trauma I put her through last night."

The thugs stopped in their tracks. The one I addressed walked towards me menacingly and said "What did you say, bitch? I'm gonna knock you the fuck out, talking about sister like that!"

"And once I'm knocked out, you going to rape me, lady boy?", I said. "If you're looking for a piece of ass tonight, why don't you and your two twink friends toss each other around like a Cobb salad back at your place and Leave. Me. Alone."

"I don't like you", I continued. "You're a collection of weak-willed, dumb and ugly cunts. And I ought to slap you around a bit for getting my ire up at this time of night, but I'm busy. And important. Too important to even consider you as worthy of my attention. So shoo, little ones, and return to your cribs. If I see you again, I'm going to kill you."

I'll be honest: I thought I was in for a beating or worse. They looked like they were a little miffed at me, and I didn't blame them. Know what, though? They walked away without incident! They just shook their heads and walked away. That was more than luck, my friends -- that was divine intervention. I should be at the hospital or the morgue right now. I think I ought to start going to church.

Speaking of church, I'm reminded of what Studs Terkel said: "An agnostic is nothing but a cowardly atheist." I like that line.

A productive day. Now, I shall unwind.