The last couple of days have been challenging but not without rewards. When I woke up yesterday, I had an intuition that the day was not going to be a tiptoe through the tulips. The first indication was being password blocked from Spira's laptop this morning. I made a few attempts at figuring it out, but was not successful (I plugged in every conceivable modification of kevinbringsdaruckus, but to no avail). I left Spira a voicemail explaining my predicament and started my day.
I walked over to the courthouse, recorded some documents, came back for the car and went to work, where I had a typical day except for the "Get your shit together!" thoughts that, out of nowhere, plopped their fat asses on my shoulders and mewled incessantly. I managed them well enough, but I suspected they were a precursor to something bigger and with sharper teeth.
Near the end of the day, I drove over to Lawrence to record a mortgage. At the registry, I waited for word of funding but it never arrived. Marcy called and asked me to try again on my way in this morning. "For you, bright eyes, I would do anything", I said. "You are one of God's children; to deny you would be to deny God." (It's possible I said none of that). A few minutes before I left, a torrent of rain arrived. My car was only about fifty feet from the building, but by the time I reached it, I was thoroughly soaked. I was giddy from it, though. This happens only when it's a hard rain. Hard rain is exuberant and fun, but man that gloomy, weak intensity rain makes me want to horsewhip someone in the tailbone.
The giddiness subsided when I hit the road; conditions were dicey, visibility poor. I wasn't on the highway long when my front driver's side tire blew (a fact I wasn't aware of until a bit later). Smoke everywhere. I heard rattling under the hood as I pulled over. I called AAA and then my dad to see where he wanted the car towed. Then I called Janelle to see if she might be able to pick me up at my parent's place (I couldn't gauge from my father's tone if they'd be fine with me borrowing their other car for the night) but mostly, I admit, for the comfort of hearing her voice.
Not only did Janelle say she'd come get me (and with no trace of being put out, I might add), she arranged for Missy to be fed, which was a great relief. Earlier today, after helping me log on to Spira's laptop, I told her that in my estimation she's one of the greatest people on the planet. I did so in a kind of dopey and inarticulate way, but I was being sincere. I have to confess that I only know a mere fraction of the people residing on the planet, but I have to believe she is among the greatest. I'm willing to stake your life and the lives of your sweet, precious children on it. I've known her a long time and she continues to impress me with her character. I may be a bit of a dim bulb in many ways (at least six) but I know how to spot a gem. I also know where the Ark of the Covenant is kept.
It didn't take long for the tow truck to arrive. As the driver hooked the car up to his truck, he told me I had a blown tire. This was good news: I'd get towed to a tire place, have them set me up with a new one, and drive home. Everything was coming up roses.
The plan almost came to fruition. At the tire place, we discovered it wasn't just a blown tire that was the problem: it appeared the strut had collapsed. Wonderful. Fortunately, the garage I originally intended to have the car towed to was on the same road. I was dropped off and waited for my parents to come pick me up, which they did not long after.
At their house, we worked out an arrangement that allowed me to borrow their other car for the night and return with it early this morning so my mother could use it to take my grandmother to get her hearing aid tested. It took me over an hour to get home; the highway was thick with traffic. When I walked in the door, I hugged Missy. I was happy to be back with her; our bond has deepened these last several days.
The car business was a bit of a hassle, but it wasn't so bad. The tow truck driver was really nice, for one thing. And I was lucky I didn't lose control of the car and ram into a minivan full of toddlers. If none of this had happened, I wouldn't have spent most of the day talking with my dad on the porch, something we rarely get to do. At home last night, I spoke with Amanda. She's been going through stuff that makes my minuscule problems appear silly. I was grateful for being shown some perspective.
I'm tired. I want to wrap this up and wind down. I've felt unbalanced lately, like I'm being stirred in a pot, but emerging from that has been a growing confidence. Dwindling is the feeling of helplessness, of not being able to influence the course of my life. You can bet your sweet, cherubic ass that I'm going to fall on my face again and again (I'm quite adept at that), but I like my chances of breaking through any obstacles. You better hope your face is not one.
Readers, I leave you with an affirmation siphoned from within. Words have power. Let there be light!
I will follow my bliss. I will think less of myself and focus more on service to others. Every situation is pregnant with choices; I will align myself with healthy ones. I will tell her I love her. I will pursue fun activities as much as possible. I will follow through. I will see abundance in favor of lack. I will experience intimate and abiding love. My spirit will continue to be fed with meditation and yoga. I will not diminish myself when things go awry. I will not allow others to diminish me. I will know financial security. I will mature in the ways that matter and not in the ways that take away joy. I will laugh at least twice - make it five - times a day. Sex will be frequent and transcendent. Music, music, music! I will follow my bliss.
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