She'll feed you tea and oranges that come all the way from China

I just deleted a mess of an introductory paragraph. It was a vulgar thing, all knotted up and meandering. It needed to be put down, obliterated, erased from memory. I was trying to be cerebral with it, but conceited was how it hit the virtual page. Well, it's done with. Let's proceed, start anew.

It's been slow at work and we've been having abbreviated days. Thoughts of being suddenly jobless have been cropping up. Uncertainty. Funny thing is, I'm one of the only people who has plenty of work and, as a consequence of leaving early almost everyday, I'm starting to fall behind. Oh, the irony.

After work, I went to the grocery store. At checkout, the cashier and bagger were locked in a circular exchange I'm convinced didn't reach its conclusion until well after I left. Perhaps, in Twilight Zone fashion, they'll continue on in this manner, wanting to stop, but not being able to until they eventually drop dead from the exertion of repetition. Anyway, this is what I overheard:

Bagger: I gave it to you.

Cashier: Seriously, there's no way you did.

Bagger: No, i gave it to you.

Cashier: You didn't

Bagger: I did

Cashier: You didn't

This went on throughout the transaction. I never learned what the "it" in question was. I might have to hire a Private Investigator to get to the bottom of this. I wish Magnum was still answering my calls. As I was collecting my bags, the bagger, a young, rotund woman with curly hair and a merry countenance, stepped away from the pitched battle she was having with the cashier long enough to wish me a nice weekend. I wished her one too, and she said, "Oh, I'll have a nice weekend alright, as long as I have Elvis with me."

I wasn't expecting that response, but I rolled with it. "Ah, the King"

She grinned widely and said, "He's always with me". She then pulled a doll out of her pants pocket. That, I most certainly wasn't expecting. It took me a minute to conclude that the doll was indeed meant to be in the likeness of Elvis because:

1. It looked to be about thirty years old and was beat to fuck. There were scuff marks and dirt all over it. I suspect she may have pulled it out of a dumpster. If you grew up in the seventies, you've seen a doll like this. Six inches or so in length, rubber head, plastic body, ill-fitting clothes. All my super hero dolls were like that. I used to enjoy squishing their heads. Ah, memories.

2. The flesh was cadaverous gray and didn't typify the Elvis we're accustomed to seeing. You know, the alive one.

She waved the doll in my face and sang a verse from "Jailhouse Rock" in a passable Elvis voice. I gave her a thoughtful look. I wondered if she was a little off, perhaps a little deranged. Probably, but she seemed happy. Maybe she's on to something.
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Sometimes I feel inadequate and small, like I have no viable function in this life. Insignificant. I don't like feeling that way. It's a process; I'll get through it. Ups and downs, peaks and valleys: we all experience them. I know, as a solid truth I know, that our natural state has little to do with the way we behave in the throes of the ego, which most of us constantly are. Eckhart Tolle says we need look no further than a houseplant for an illustration of a natural state. Stillness. Imagine even a minute without the constant barrage of thoughts. Not such an easy feat, hence our ups and downs, peaks and valleys.

Speaking of thoughts and Eckhart Tolle, I'll leave you with a pretty cool mental trick I learned from him. If you want to clear your mind, think "I wonder what my next thought is going to be." Sounds counter-intuitive, but it works. At least for me it did. I had the thought and then sat around waiting for a thought to pop in my head. Took a while. Give it a try, and see what happens.