I went for an abbreviated run last night. I stuck to the bike path and surveyed it's length for ice patches before I ran. It was not a joyous experience. When I returned to the apartment, I took a quick shower, even though the drain was still clogged. It was my first one in a few days and, like the run, it was not a joyous event. I look forward to tonight, when things should be back to normal. Once it's fixed, I'll have to address Kreg and Rich about not shaving each other's pubes in the tub. I'm all about team work, but lay some newspaper on the ground and do it over that, I say. We'll put it to a vote and see what happens.
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People always ask me about the aspects of my life that I don't include in this journal. Naturally, they want to know me completely, so that maybe a little of my glory may rub off on them. I understand that, but there's got to be some things I keep just for myself. There needs to a private Kevin, one that isn't held firmly under the scrutiny of the public eye. But, because the holidays are upon us, I'm going to give you a peek into the the "real" me.
Because a dangerous, sexy, and influential life should be documented, I've kept a running journal that deals with the deeper, more meaningful parts of my life, so that in the future, biographers will have something to reference. What I'm prepared to do, and only this one time, is share a few selections from that journal. Enjoy.
06/05/06
Dear diary,
The 'rents got mad at me today when I told them I wasn't going to their big anniversary party. I'm sorry, but they know I don't drive at night and what do they do? They schedule a party at night. I wouldn't have gone anyway, even if they found someone to drive me, 'cuz they're showing a whole shitload of Malcolm in the Middle episodes that night. Uh, let's see: Malcolm, which is F-IN AWE SOME!!!!!, or a boring anniversary party. Tough decision...........NOT!! LOL
09/12/07
My T-shirts finally arrived!! For the past week and a half, I've been going nuts waiting for these darn things. The wait is over, dear diary, the F-in wait is over!!! Okay, so you wanna know which ones I got? The first one says "Forget love, I'd rather fall in chocolate". ROTFL!!! The next one says "Let me get out of this hot T-shirt". AWESOME!!! I was going to stop there, but I saw more I wanted to get, like this one: "Caution: I go from O to bitch in 1.5 seconds" I couldn't pass on that one. And how could I let this one escape my clutches: "Women have to be in the mood.......men just have to be in the room". OMG, it's so true! Everyone's gonna be so jealous of me. They're gonna be like "Yo, that guy knows what's up". Oh, diary, I love these shirts so much. I'm gonna wear them all to bed tonight. Yes, you heard me right: I'm gonna wear them ALL at once. I know, I know---you think I'm "koo-koo", but I'm so excited.
05/1/06
My sister broke the bad news to me today. There will not be a Beanie Babies movie. I repeat: There will NOT be a Beanie Babies movie. I'm kind of p.o.'d at my sister for getting me excited over this in the first place. Well, maybe someday they'll make the movie. Until then, I'm gonna be a miserable S.O.B.
03/10/07
OMG. Luke Warm let a little girl drown today. Oh, diary, what should I do? She fell through the ice and started screaming for help. Luke looked at me and said "Someone should probably help her". I had just gotten my toes done, so there was no way I was going in that frigid water. I told Luke Warm he should go help her and he was like, "Why don't you do it?" and I was like "You know I just got my toes done. D'uh!" and he was like "Well, forget it, then. I'm sure she'll find her way to safety. It's not my fault she fell through the ice." What an A-hole! I didn't talk to him the whole walk home.
04/11/07
Koolio was signing autographs at CVS this morning, and after waiting for like two hours in line, I left. I love Koolio as much as the next guy, but I've got a life, son.
Kreg told me he caught Mike putting eggs in his pocket when he was at the house the other night. I was wondering why I was so short when I went to make snickerdoodles yesterday . I asked Kreg why he didn't tell me sooner and he said it was because Mike threatened to "violate" him if he told. "I'm sure Mike was joking", I said, and Kreg was like "Uh, no dude, he was serious---scary serious." Dear diary, I would never tell anyone this, but Kreg started crying after he said this. When he left the room, I whispered "What a baby", but I don't think he heard me. Mike really must have put the fear into him.
I was going to confront Mike about the situation, but I'm not going to have a cow over a few eggs. Instead, I snuck into his house while he was at work and jerked off all over his pillows.
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So, there you have it. I know it's just a taste, just a small glimpse into the "real" me, but it's better than nothing.
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