I suppose I should start doing some Christmas shopping soon. I'm going to see if I can convince someone who also needs to do their's to go with me. That way, the sting of no parking spots, crowded stores, and long lines won't hurt as much. We could do lunch, or dinner, depending on when we go. It would be soooooooooo much fun. We could go hot tubbing afterwards. Any takers? Don't be shy.
--
I've been having strange dreams recently that I've been reluctant to share, but because I'm willing to do anything for my craft, I've decided to let it all out. I feel it is my duty as a citizen of the world to issue this disclaimer before I proceed,though: Until this matter is investigated further, I'm working under the assumption that these are, as I stated above, only dreams. As you read on, you will understand the need for the disclaimer.
The first dream occurred on Sunday night. Nothing strange proceeded it; my day was as mundane as any other. At some point, probably around nine, Kreg and Rich made me a milk shake. It was a nice surprise; I had been watching a movie in the living room (Air Bud ) when they came in the room and presented it to me. They were eager for me to accept it, which I did gladly. No one ever surprises me like that. It was such a nice gesture that I didn't say anything about the shake's bitter after-taste.
"How does it taste?", Rich asked me.
"Not bad. Is it vanilla?"
They both looked at each other and then back at me. "Uh, yeah, it's vanilla", Kreg said. "Make sure you drink it all. I'd hate to see it go to waste."
"Aren't you guys having any?"
"Oh, we had our fill already", Rich said. "I had two glasses. I would have had another, but I've got to watch the 'ol waistline. You're going to finish that, right?"
I had finished about half of it, but wasn't sure if I could stomach much more than that. Whatever gave the shake it's strange aftertaste was also starting to make me a little nauseous. "There's a ninety percent chance I'll consume the entire shake. I'm just going to take a little break; just got one of those ice cream headaches."
"You should finish it now", Rich said a little too loudly. "I mean, that is, if you want to."
"I'm getting the sense you guys would prefer it if I consumed this entire shake. Fret not, I will, because you guys were pretty thoughtful in preparing this for me, make it a point to not let a drop of this shake escape my gullet. Thanks again, guys."
"Our pleasure", Kreg said. "Just make sure you finish it sometime soon before it, uh, goes bad."
I told him I would and returned to my movie. I didn't have the heart to tell them I wasn't enjoying the taste, butI held true to my word and drank the entire shake. I barely made it through the rest of the movie with my eyes open. When it was over, I went right up to bed and dozed off, still in my clothes. I must have begun dreaming almost immediately because as I was drifting off, I heard Kreg and Rich arguing downstairs about who was going to get "sloppy seconds". Very odd, but dreams often are.
When the dream hit, it was extremely vivid. I was being carried down to the basement by at least two people and was unceremoniously dropped like a sack of grain on the floor a few feet from the stairs. I heard someone above me say "I think he's awake! I think he's awake!" in a panicked voice. I lacked the strength necessary to crane my neck to see who was speaking. In fact, I had trouble moving any part of my body. To get my pinky finger to move a centimeter required every bit of will and concentration I could muster.
All of a sudden, Rick, my landlord's brother, was looking down at me. "He don't know what's what. He don't know nuthin'. Stop your worryin', Richie-boy", he said.
Rich appeared beside Rick. He was wearing a loosely-tied bathrobe and I could see that he was wearing only a green thong under it. "I don't know about this, Boss. I think he sees us."
Rick slapped Rich hard in the face. "Get yourself together, Richie-boy. Like I told ya, he don't know what's what."
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kreg moving around. I barely recognized him; he was dressed like the girl on the Swiss Miss package, right down to the pig-tailed wig. "Kreg, what the fuck are you guys doing with me?", I tried to say. What came out was "Kreg, what.....with..........me", in a barely audible, mush-mouthed groan.
Kreg rushed over to where Rick and Rich were standing. "He just said something. I heard him. Boss, if he's awake, we're going to have put an end to him. You do realize that, don't you?"
Rick put his arm around Kreg. "Kreggy-poo, my liddle Kreggy-Weggy-kins, I do realize that. In fact, nothing would please me more than for him to wake up. I need only the slightest excuse to commit the glorious act of murder upon him. But I'd also like a warm body for what we're about to do. Now, give me a deep, wet kiss while Richie-boy ties up this unconscious cum dumpster."
The dream ended there. I woke up feeling groggy and had a splitting headache. I went down to the kitchen and made some coffee. Rich came out of his room and wore a wry grin on his face. "Morning. How are you feeling?", he asked me.
"Funny you should ask. I think I'm coming down with something. My head is throbbing and...."
"You didn't find, uh, a dirty diaper in your bed this morning, did you?"
"A....A what? A dirty.....Why would I have a diaper in my bed? Did you put one there?"
"No, no, no", Rich said rapidly. " I, uh, I was just uh, I mean, my brother had his baby over the house this morning and he thinks the baby got away and maybe got up to your room..."
"That's absurd. Is this a joke you're playing on me?"
"Nah, forget I said anything."
"Hey, you don't happen to own a green thong, do you?" I asked.
"A thong? Uh, no, I wear boxers, dude."
"I think I had a dream about you wearing a thong. Don't worry, we weren't having sex, or anything. I just recall seeing you in one."
"Did you, uh, have any other dreams about me?", he asked quietly.
"I don't think so".
"Cool!", he said as he went back in his room. With coffee in hand, I made my way back to my room. Kreg popped out of his as I reached the top of the stairs. "How's it going?", he asked.
"Hey, was anyone over the house this morning?"
"I don't think so. I was up earlier than usual and was downstairs for most of the morning. Why do you ask?"
"Rich said his brother was over the house with his baby. And he said the baby may have gotten up to my room and left a dirty diaper in my bed. What's up with that?"
"You know what? Now that I think of it, his brother may have been over the house. If I remember correctly, I fell asleep for awhile. Maybe that's why I didn't see him."
"I haven't heard one probable thing out either of your mouth's this morning. You know, I just realized, you were in a dream I had last night. Rich was in it, too, and you looked different. I think you wearing........."
Kreg poked his head in my room. "You didn't find the diaper, right?"
"No, I didn't."
"Well, if you do, you should give it to Rich. His brother is probably looking for it. I'm sure he'll be wanting it for later tonight."
"Why would he want it for later? What the fuck are you talking about?"
"Nothing, dude. Don't sweat it. I just figured if you found the diaper, you'd want it out of your room." With that, Kreg went back to his room.
Throughout the day, more details of the dream came to me. I didn't bother mentioning it to Kreg or Rich because I thought I freaked Rich out with the thong question. Unfortunately for me, more dreams were to follow.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment