We have a remedy you'll appreciate

I should be more tired than I feel. I only got a few hours of sleep last night and the sleep I did get wasn't of the restful variety. Amanda left after we finished watching Hell Date, a show I'd never seen before and one I'd watch again. That was around 12:30. I went to bed soon after she left and despite feeling as if I'd drift off to sleep before shutting off the light, I ended up getting caught up in worrying thoughts and strange, feverish images.

I felt good at work today and though my energy was on the decline near the end of my shift, I made it a point to go to the track and do some running. I'm happy I did. Upon waking this morning, my first thought went something like this: "Today there will be no running. Today is a day of rest."I vetoed the thought not because I subscribe to the "no pain, no gain" motto, but because sometimes you've got to exceed expectations and really push yourself. To sum it up, immediately after a run I always walk past a light pole with a sticker on it that asks "How much of it is up to you?", and I always respond, with heavy breathing and shaking legs, "It's all up to me". Whoever put that sticker up has my gratitude.

My first day back at work today and Gio threw one of his famous tantrums and walked out. He did this within the first hour of work and I hadn't even talked to him yet. I was on the phone with Karen, going over the plan for the day, when Gio stormed into the showroom and went off on Ryan, telling him he wasn't going to go on any deliveries by himself. He used plenty of expletives and I'm pretty sure he frightened the lone customer in attendance. When Ryan told him we'd send John with him, he left anyway.

I figured this was it for Gio. He called me a couple of hours later and told me he quit, that he would not be back in ever again. I relayed this message to Karen and it seemed that she'd finally had enough of his shenanigans. Well, Karen just called me and told me Gio called her and told her he really needed to come back to work, that he was sorry for what he did. She told him that even though the two of them go back a long way, he doesn't have any history with me and he needs to give me an apology. She told him the three of us will have to sit down and talk it through and see what results. She even offered to pay for anger management counseling for him! This guy better know that at almost any other job, he would have been fired long ago, and they certainly wouldn't have offered to pay for counseling.

Gio is a good guy when he's not throwing a tantrum and besides that, he has children to take care of. Even still, I think he should be let go. If we let him back, the bar will be set very, very low. But he and Karen go back a long way and that is what's keeping him afloat. Even Ryan, the one who defended him in the past, wants him gone. Gio has no more allies except Karen, and that's the only one he needs. So tomorrow I've got to deal with Gio. Again. A perpetual nightmare this is.

I wish I could divulge a troubling development, but I can't. At least not yet. Christ, I don't even know if it's troubling! If it pans out the way I hope it doesn't, I think I may have to say fuck it and go build a shack in the woods somewhere and live a solitary life. Oh, the frustration!

With that, I'm going to try to get to bed early tonight and catch up on some sleep. I will tell myself before sleep overtakes me that I'm only what I perceive myself to be.

How much is up to me? Every single fucking bit of it!