Everything good is gone into the western sky

To give you an indication of my level of professionalism at work, I present the following. Ryan, the rotund and bratty college kid who works for me finally got on my last nerve the other day with his endless complaining and overall laziness. He'd spend half the time decrying everyone's poor work ethic and the other half throwing tantrums when I'd ask him to do pretty much anything. Directing him to shut the fuck up and get to work doesn't work with him when he gets all worked up like that, so as any good manager would, I've altered my approach in an effort to get more and better work out of him.

I had an epiphany that I should leave him by himself in the show room and call the store from my cell phone from another room, with the idea being that I'd call the moment he got up to do something, thus making him have to scramble (hopefully) to get the phone. The purpose of my little game would be twofold: It would amuse me to no end and it would force this lazy son of a bitch to actually do something that resembled work.

Man, did my plan ever succeed. It was perfect! I'd get up and hurriedly leave the room with some arbitrary invoice, as if I had something quite important to check on out back, and call him from an area where I could see him but was out of his line of sight. It was damn funny watching him go in the bathroom, taking one of several shits he takes throughout the day, only to be forced to rush out and get the phone. And you'd know what I said when he picked the phone up , his voice shaky and thin with exertion? Nothing--I hung up.

For the last couple of days, I've been playing this game with him. I find it's a great way to relieve the stress of the day and it makes me a more effective manager in the process. I can't tell you exactly how, but it does.