Blue moon sinking from the weight of the load

James has got to go. He needs to be fired immediately, but every time Karen and I go to do it, more pressing issues pull us away. He speaks to Karen as if she's a subordinate, which is crazy because he knows she's the owner of the place and signs his checks. And on a whim she can fire anyone she wants. We've wondered if he wants to be fired, if he's baiting us into doing it. The sad conclusion, though, is that he seems to want the job. To give you an indication of what we're dealing with, here's a scene from act one of "King James is 'Bout to Blow" that went down this morning.

Dramatis Personae:

King James, the loose canon

Kendall, the driver

Karen, the owner of the establishment and arch enemy of King James

Kevin, the hero with a pure heart


The scene begins with Karen and Kevin working at their computers. Kendall comes in from the warehouse and addresses Karen.


Kendall: Hey Karen, why is that tent top in front of the building and not with the rest of the parts?

Karen: It's there because we had to take it off in a hurry this morning because James was an hour late.

(James, like a wraith, appears from the top of the stairs behind Karen)

James: (with booming voice) What do you mean because of me?

Karen: Well, because you were late, we had to take the tent off the truck at the last minute because the truck needed to go out. If you had come in on time, we could have gotten to it earlier and taken our time with it.

James: Don't blame me for your mistakes! That had nothing to do with me and you know it. You need to take a look at who you're blaming for shit.

Karen: I have and you're the one I'm blaming.

(At this point, Kendall leaves the room, probably in fear)

James: So does that mean every time you guys screw up I can come in here and blame you?

(Karen doesn't respond)

James: I'm asking you a question!

(Karen remains silent)

James: So does that mean I can blame you for all your screw ups now?

Karen: James, go do your job.

(James exits the scene)


As you can tell , I didn't say anything during the exchange and it wasn't because I was afraid. Really. In hindsight, maybe I could have said something, but Karen knows how to take care of herself, and because part of the problem with James is his inability to work with a woman who holds a higher position than him, I didn't want to slip into the role of protector and save her from the big bad wolf. There is a part of me that wished I did step in, but I did what I did and ultimately, I'm fine with it.

So, we were going to fire him today, but again we got busy and had no time to talk with him. He left at the end of the day, like he does all the time, without telling anyone, so we couldn't do it then. By the end of the week, and hopefully before then, James will be a memory. It is long overdue. Long overdue. I'm not a betting man, but if I was, I'd bet that James' exit will be nothing short of explosive. And then there's Sam, the armed and dangerous man.

Sam sent his girlfriend to the store today to get his money back for the pressure washer he still has, but we weren't biting. The girlfriend gave the number of the guy who has the pressure washer to Karen and she called him. That guy told Karen that Sam was a psycho and that he has over twenty warrants for his arrest in various towns and cities across the state. Karen got the police on the phone and they confirmed this, adding that he was armed and dangerous, something we'd been hearing a lot about Sam of late. Karen asked his girlfriend if she'd call Sam and get him down to the store with the pressure washer, but when she got him on the phone and put in on speaker, Sam broke into his Chico Marx routine and blabbered incoherently for the next ten minutes. The end result: Sam never came by the store; probably because he was astute enough to know that if he did, he'd be met by the boys in blue. I still can't get over the fact that this cute little man is a criminal. Where did we fail you, Sam?
--

Late Saturday night, when we were sloppy with drink, Kreg, Luke Warm, and I were on Luke's porch discussing a woman we know. I had expressed shock that a bunch of guys I know, including Luke Warm and Kreg, have indicated to me at one time or another how hot they found this woman to be. And if not hot, attractive enough to sleep with. I've never been attracted to this woman, though I'm fond of her otherwise. Luke Warm told me he felt my feelings for her were the same as my feelings about Rachel Ray, which is to say I was disgusted by her. I told him this was patently untrue. I said that though I find Rachel Ray's personality to be unappealing, I think she's an attractive enough woman. Regarding the woman we know, I enjoy her personality but am turned off by her looks. And that's how the conversation ended.

Yesterday, my mother brought out a bag of stuff for me from the dining room. She pulled out of the bag a cooking pot and some ceramic bowls she thought I could use. And then she pulled out a cookbook she purchased for me. Guess who's cook book it was. I couldn't believe it. Life thinks it's funny sometimes and sometimes it is. Fucking Rachel Ray!