Buy the sky and sell the sky

I listen to Carlo Gesualdo and it is all left behind. Immersion. I experience the sublime if only for an hour. I am beat, but not beaten. I worked myself hard today and kept vigilance over the thoughts that weaken and confuse. They were not allowed entry.

I just now finished The Trial and I need to sit with it for a while before I can assess it properly, if that is even possible. I will say that, despite its missing sections, it was an engaging read. Also disturbing, which is why I plan on reading Goodnight Moon later on tonight to balance things out. By the way, I've never read Goodnight Moon, not as a child nor as an adult. I only bring it up because it seems like it's a book everyone has read. If it makes you feel any better, I read just about every Judy Blume book there is. Super Fudge was a hugely important book in my world. Perhaps it still is.

Jeff called Marcy and  me into his office early yesterday morning. As usually happens, I had a premonition immediately beforehand that he would. I'm fairly intuitive in other areas of my life, but not this acutely.

It didn't take long for Jeff to get to the point. He told me they hadn't been pleased with my work ethic, that it had been frustrating him seeing me spend too much time at a task. He said more, all corroborated by Marcy, and it was all tied into their belief that I'd been working too slow.

I was surprised to hear this, particularly because I consider myself a hard worker and am never behind in my work. I told them as much and added that I also didn't want to come off as defensive, that I was receptive to what they were saying.

Basically, they want me to be going balls to the wall all the time, even when we're slow. "There are plenty of things to do", Jeff said. Fine with me. Just keep your end of the bargain. If I go balls out and finish all my work before noon and there's nothing left to do, don't reward my efforts by sending me home. Anyway, I'm done with this topic; it's a frustrating one. Another sign I need to make some changes. I'm ready for some.

And I'm also ready to watch the latest episode of The Walking Dead. It's possible I'll watch an episode of Darkplace, but I've been up and down that series so much in the last week and could probably use a break. So it will be zombies this night.

Who knows. G'night. One more thing: I had a quick dream that the Wolf Man, the one Boris Karloff portrayed, came after me at my friend's house. He was so quick and terrifying; he was on me before I could think. I managed to throw my coat at his face, but that only served to slow down a few seconds. Just as he grabbed me and sank his claws in my shoulder, I woke up. I hardly ever have nightmares; this one, short as it was, was a doozy. As my breathing slowed, I felt a mixture of terror and exhilaration. Kind of the way most people feel when they meet me.