In a world filled with friends, you lose your way

The commute home from work was messy with snow and I'm relieved to be home. The plan had been to have dinner with my mother, but we rescheduled for later in the week. She sounded happy on the phone; my heart cooed. Even though it's only been about a month and a half since my father's death, I sometimes worry about my mother becoming the sad widow. Talking with her today took a chip out of that worry.

I found myself thinking about my father this afternoon and a wave of grief knocked the wind out of me. It happens fairly often. I look forward to the day I can reminisce about him fondly and with a light heart. I'm not sure that will ever be the case, but maybe instead of being impaled by the sadness of loss, I'll only be pricked. One thing is sure: I will never stop bringing him to mind for fear of the pain it might cause. I'm not going to forget you, Dad.

So Craig's surprise party went well. I had come up with the idea of bringing the party to him rather than having him come up here or to NH under some phony pretense. I reasoned that Craig would appreciate not having to make a lengthy trip to his own party. The idea was well received. I made plans with Craig for me to come down to The Cape last Saturday and informed the invited guests that we had a set date.

I got to his house about an hour earlier than everyone else on Saturday. He answered the door wearing an outfit much like this:

Sure, I was taken aback, but I cast no judgements on anyone, for you see we are all one and the same. And, I've got say, he looked pretty dapper. Anyway, now that I think about it, he might have just been wearing a t- shirt and pajama bottoms like some spray paint-huffing derelict on the street. Regardless, he was surprised when everyone came down to his room. It's been reported somewhere that once Craig found out I was the architect of this event, he turned to me with glassy eyes and said:

"Kevin, you truly are the King of Kings!"

And after that, it's been reported, he and everyone prostrated before me.

Look at what I've done? I've made this all about me. What a fuck I am! Sorry, Craig, you deserve better.

So we ate and laughed and some among us danced. Some went to bed earlier than others. The next morning I woke up to the sound of people talking, Craig among them. "Well," I thought,"if Craig's up it must be late." I got up and joined everyone in the kitchen despite feeling like I could have done with at least two more hours of sleep. I found out it was only around 8:30; no wonder I was groggy. Craig had made a point to get up early and make everyone breakfast. Look at this guy, ladies! A catch, I say - and he also loves long walks on the beach, visiting museums, and candlelit dinners. Snatch him up before someone murders him in the face.


I had some juice and practiced some yoga. Some people left, others stayed. After yoga, Craig, Kate, Kevin and I walked over to the pool house (wish my neighborhood had one) and had a swim. Then we sat in the sauna for a while followed by more swimming. Revivifying.

This coming weekend will be the first one in weeks spent locally. At least that's how it's shaping up. Alright, I'm finished here. Nothing more can be said. I think I'm going to watch Orson Welles's lost classic,Chimes At Midnight that someone kindly uploaded to YouTube. Music will happen, so will meditation. We'll see.

Good night, lovers.