Every night I tell myself, "I am the cosmos"

Man, today has been challenging. All day, my psyche has felt like it's been adrift atop a stormy sea. I've maintained, but it's been rocky. Fuck going into details; I've learned my lesson there. I will say that I attribute all of this to the increased amounts of meditation and yoga I've been engaging in. Shit gets stirred up, bubbles to the surface. Has to happen, but it's not joyous, to be sure. The ego, when threatened, fights for it's life in every conceivable way. It's weapon of choice, at least with me, has been to act out like a pouty baby.

Certainly, the ego has its uses. Some of my dis-ease today had tangible causes that the ego merely pointed out. Ideally, that's as far as it should go, but you and I both know the ego can often exhibit a flair for the dramatic. Meditation and yoga force you to see how destructive that path is.

At lunch, I took care of some unpleasant business and before I could slide into a more negative state, I sat on a bench and meditated, chanting om. After about fifteen minutes of that, I felt more centered and a whole lot better.

The prevailing thought as I walked back to work from lunch was that we mess up, no matter how much we try not to. It's just a fact of life. I can tell myself a hundred times that I won't get aggravated with something or someone, but I will. The key is how you deal with it. For example, if instead of meditating, I walked over to the bar for a stiff drink and some stewing in my problems, I would be in a worse position than I'm in now. Of course I would. Or what if, instead of practicing yoga after work, I instead plopped down in front of the TV and watched some soul-eating drivel? What if I opted for a large steak and cheese sub instead of making a salad?

Choices.

Ok, I've said enough. Today has been challenging, yes, but I've met the challenges as best I could. I still feel a little off, but I'm rolling with it. I'm trying not to be disappointed in some friends, trying not to see them in a poor light. I'm trying to see beyond myself, to a higher purpose, away from insanity and things unhealthy. I'm trying not to see the world around me as corrupt and dying (though it kind of is, but there is always hope)). I'm trying.

And actually doing a fair job at it, thank you very much. I'm getting there. Soon, I'll be superior to you in every way. And it will be then that I enact your destruction!

With that, good night.