Your heart felt good, it was drippin' pitch and made of wood

Work was a challenge for me this week. As we headed into the weekend, I suspected it would culminate with either me quitting out of frustration or getting fired because of my inability to run a smooth ship. The former option was within my control and I struggled to keep my head about me, so as not to find myself suddenly out of a job with no prospects, but it was hard at times. The latter option wasn't, even when things seemed to be at their worst, likely to occur. However, when Saturday hit, and Karen's frustration seemed to be at it's zenith, I came to the conclusion that I wasn't the sacred cow I fashioned myself to be.

Karen and I get along, mostly out of our mutual amazement at the absurdly inept crew we have working for us. Saying that, though, isn't being fair to my guys. To be sure, the lot of them are loutish and sluggardly a good amount of the time, but they do work and when they do, it's not exactly pushing pencils. So, branding them as absurdly inept is overstating matters, but not by much, so I won't strike it from the record.

As I was saying, Karen and I get along, but this weekend, though it was never addressed, there was a good amount of tension between us. It can be summed up thusly: Karen wants me to get a handle on my crew because they fuck up too much and I have trouble doing that because I'm usually busy doing other things. Because Karen isn't at work very much, she doesn't see what's going on--how busy we can get, etc. This weekend wasn't abnormally busy, but we did, as has been the trend lately, have a few larger than normal orders go out.

At one point on Saturday, after I returned from lunch, I went out back and told Bill I was thinking of just walking out and going home. I was frustrated because I didn't think Karen recognized the effort I was putting forth to ensure there were no missteps in the operation. Bill said he'd miss me if I left, but told me I should go if the job was putting me into a bad place.

I realized I was being sily. I told Bill I wasn't going to walk out---I wouldn't do that to Karen---but I explained my frustration to him and wondered aloud if I had the sack to handle the job. I told him my concerns that Karen might be looking to replace me, but prefaced them with the statement that I was stressed and what I was about to say wasn't necessarily realistic.

The day got better and I felt good that I overcame the hurdles I encountered throughout it. I was fortunate to have dealt with some fine customers during my shift---hell, I don't think I had a bad one. I went home feeling good about myself, despite a lingering concern that Karen was getting fed up with me. With perspective, though, I saw that it was just as likely that she was concerned that I was going to quit, leaving only her to operate the business. Not an easy task, especially when you're raising two year old twin girls.

Today, I got an email from Karen and when I saw her name as the sender when I opened my mailbox, I thought for sure she was writing me off---literally. Turned out she was sending me a message of praise. She explained that she went into work this morning to process an emergency delivery and saw that I had completed a lot of paperwork, so she sent me an email to thank me. I think, though, that what she was really doing was telling me that there was no hard feelings.
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While watching the game last night, Kreg told me he'd go running with me today. I didn't believe that he'd do it and told him as much. I foresaw a groggy, bed-headded Kreg approaching me the next morning, explaining to me there was no way he was going to drag his tired frame outside for anything. Kreg seemed sincere, however, and even though I had just come off a vigorous run and was planning on taking the following day off to recover, I was more than willing to change things up if Kreg held true to his word. We settled on 11:30 as a time to head out the next morning.

I woke up around ten today, had a bagel, juice and some coffee, and played a game of basketball on my playstation. As I was wrapping up the game, I looked at the clock and saw that it was about 11:30. As far as I knew, Kreg was still asleep. A few minutes later, when he was standing in my doorway asking me if I was almost ready to hit the road, I was impressed.

Kreg did well on our jaunt through portions of Somerville and Cambridge. We walked briskly most of the way, with me periodically taking off on my own to do some running. Near the end of our trek, Kreg did a little running himself. We were out for about an hour. Good job, Kreg.

Later, Kreg, Rich, and I went to Newbury Comics. Since Rich works for the company, we all took advantage of his discount. I came home with a couple of Modest Mouse cds, and ones from Neil Young and Caetano Veloso. Then we went to the grocery store to stock up on goodies.

I've been enjoying the new dynamic in the house, which lends itself to group outings like the one I just described. It's nice living with people who are more or less on the same wavelength. Definitely makes things easier.

I'm going to watch Fulci's The House by the Cemetery, at some point tonight. Rich lent it to me earlier today and I'm curious to see if it'll spook me. I hope it does, but I'm doubtful. We'll see.