Sure enough, yesterday after work while I was sitting on my front steps, I saw the woman I met in the store the other day. She yelled a hello to me as she entered her house from her car. We were both on our phones, so that's as far as the conversation went. I wasn't about to go knock on her door after that, but I'm sure I'll run into her again. I did, however, break out the binoculars and took a looksey into her apartment from my bedroom window. That's acceptable behavior, as it doesn't violate her personal space.
You may or may not be wondering why I would entertain the notion of pursuing someone if I'm hung up on someone else. The simple answer is I'm a free agent, not beholden to anyone. Yeah, I would love it if things moved forward with "her", but I'm not hedging my bets. The truth is, I don't have a good enough read on the situation to feel confident about my chances.
I can put an end to all this speculation by sharing my feelings with her, but it's not that simple. As I've pointed out, I've tried before, but she didn't give me the chance. The advice I'd give a friend about what to do would go like this: " Life's too short. Go and ask her out. Even if you think she'll say no, do it. And who knows, maybe she'll ask you what took you so long. "
I should take my own advice, but man, she's a slippery one. I've got my work cut out for me. I think one reason I've kept all of this mostly to myself is that I'm surprised at how she's effected me. I know it sounds phony, but I've never been this........fuck, how do I put it?---consumed by the allure of another human. It's almost embarrassing because I feel like I've lost a bit of free will concerning her, and it's so.......cliche, i guess is the word, to be in such a weakened position. But it's also a position of jubilation, of wonderment; a feeling of elation to be in the presence of another who, by her very existence makes you feel blessed to be alive. So, uh yeah, I'm keeping my options open.
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