Your head upon the pillow like a sleepy, golden storm

There was a dream last night about Matt telling me he was moving out. And after that he slipped into our conversation the news that our landlord wanted us to move out in the summer. When he saw my surprised expression, he said "Oh, I thought you knew." News to me, not to him.

And so it was that Matt, this very evening, told me he was moving out. I was ready for the news, thanks to the dream, but still felt the cool dread of uncertainty that accompanies an announcement like this. What if everything turns to shit!? Machine gun images of ending up a homeless, hopeless wretch; not finding a roommate in time; finding a roommate in time but finding one that is obnoxious and thieving; the moon and then the earth exploding. All terrible images sizzling in my skull. It happens that way with the ego.

But then I relax into what's really going on and smile. I smile because this change doesn't necessarily portend an apocalypse. Probably the opposite (What is the opposite of apocalypse? I do not know, but hope to find out). No matter what, though, until things become stable again, there will be ribbons of dread and doubt and visions of the moon and then the earth exploding. Flames! Blood! Burning flesh! Horrible Screams! But also this: No more debt! No more work! No more grief! No more Call Me Maybe! All troubles vaporized! Yee hah!

Just a bunch of visions of terror and an easy way out (apocalypse=clean slate, says the quitter). Let's get back to the real way of it.

A good thing. And timely. I don't intend to portray Matt in an unsavory light, so we'll reduce it to this: I'm ready for a change. Have been for a while. I'll explain later in another post if I'm inclined. A good thing, but if that other part of the dream is true, the part in which I'll be having to move in a few months, well, it will kind of suck (or it won't) at least I would be in possession of a blossoming psychic power. There would be that.

Dreams. I had some strange ones last night. One woke me up, it was so unsettling. A UFO dream - hadn't had one of those in years. I used to have them a lot and they would almost all of them entail seeing balls of light dash through the sky and feeling like they were coming for me, or at least aware that I was observing their actions. This dream followed the script pretty well. I was camping in Vermont and it was very late at night. A friend and I rode a couple of bikes up the mountain road with flashlights illuminating our way in jerky beams. I looked up at the starry sky (Never do that, not in dreams - you fool!) and one of the stars appeared to be moving. I studied it closely and thought, Maybe it's not moving, maybe it's just a trick of the eye. But I knew better and knew for damn sure when it sped off at a ninety degree angle (Stars don't do that! Told you not to look at the sky). Exit stage left!

In a panic, I convinced my friend to head back to camp muy rapido. We fled through the night (the vibe was ET meets The Blair Witch Project) and all I wanted to do was hide in my tent (My only defense. A bug under a rock; easy pickings.). We made it back to camp and I ran up the slight hill to my tent at the rim of the tiny valley we had settled in. I made it into the tent, but knew I was doomed.

And then I woke up. A strange night of dreams. Whatever.

Off to read from Slaughterhouse Five. I'm on a Vonnegut bender and plan on reading his books until I don't feel like it anymore. I finished Bluebeard today and it was a bittersweet moment when I reached the end. And there is still The Dark Tower re-read. I'm abut three quarters of the way through The Wastelands.

Alright, rascals, off to bed with ya.