On my way home from work today, my car started shaking when I went passed 60 mph. I kept it just at 60 for the remainder of the trip, whilst fretting over what might be wrong . I hoped it was just my tires needing to be balanced or something equally inexpensive, but I won't know for sure until I take it to the garage, which won't be until Saturday. When I came home, I checked online for possible diagnoses. Most of them were along my initial line of thinking, that it's probably a tire balance issue or bent rim. It could be something entirely more expensive. I am living by the skin of my teeth as it is. I pray that it's something I can afford. Well, the roads have been absolutely atrocious as far as bumps and ice and stuff, so maybe it's just my tires. My drive to work tomorrow should be interesting.
Just missed two days of work because of the snow. And more is expected on Saturday. And Tuesday. It's been brutal for a lot of people this winter. But you knew that. I've come to terms with it and earlier than I figured I would. Still, I await Spring like a dog with a full bladder awaits a walk. I have a feeling the onslaught will continue until one day, sometime in late March or early April, it will cease, and we'll awake suddenly, as if by smelling salts, from our long, dark slumber, and realize Spring has arrived and Winter's awful teeth have no more bite. However it pans out, the warmer weather can't arrive soon enough.
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Last night I had a flying dream. I can't recall ever having one, but it must be that I have. In this one, I was walking along the street with a couple of friends and came upon a swimming pool the size of a parking lot. Despite the fact that even in my dream it was still winter, I dove in. I swam under water, not once needing or wanting to come up for air. It occurred to me that swimming under water was akin to flying, albeit in a more sluggish and wet manner. I swam upward and upward and flew right out of the pool, water changing to air under the radar of my perception. I flew over the surrounding roof tops. I dive bombed to the ground, pulling up just before impact. It was entirely transcendent, my flight, and, as I swam the sky, I felt newly born.
I spotted Janelle and a couple of other women walking my way. I landed next to her and encouraged her to fly. I had the knowledge in me that women were better apt to fly than men and it was a shame that they lost interest. Janelle needed some convincing. It was as if I was trying to convince her to do a cartwheel in the presence of her peers. She finally ceased feeling inhibited and took flight. I tried to join her but somehow, in the intervening minutes, I lost the ability. I was able to ascend about ten feet or so and then I'd come down hard. The development didn't bother me too much because Janelle was having enough fun for the both of us.
I'm sure some of the dream was the result of reading from the DMT book before bed last night. I had read the chapter that covered the test subjects otherworldly journeys under the influence of the drug. Not hallucinations, complete out of body journeys. Subjects reported contact with strange beings, visits to strange places, strange hieroglyphic-like shapes taking up their entire field of vision. Some subjects found themselves in a full blown alien abduction scenario. That's just scratching the surface, but I digress. What was I talking about? Ah, the flying dream. Wish I had more of them. It was a lovely experience. Interesting the swimming/flying connection. The womb/tomb (tomb being the afterlife in this instance)? I'll have to consult a dream dictionary.
I've been interested in the UFO over Jerusalem videos that have been going around. The fact that there are at least four different points of view shot on video gives the sighting some credibility it might otherwise been lacking. Still, it's very possible this is a hoax. The thing with UFO videos these days is they're so easy to fake that it's nigh impossible to discern what is authentic and what is not. That is why it's good to have multiple witnesses and physical evidence.
When people learn of my interest in the unknown, namely Cryptozoology and UFOs, I get the impression that they think I'm a "believer", that is to say someone who is gullible and will believe anything you tell him. There are plenty of "believers" traversing the paths I tread, but I'm not one of them. I was listening to an interview with Dr. Jeff Meldrum recently and he was referred to as a believer in Bigfoot by the interviewer. He politely responded to the claim by stating that belief is more faith based - people believe in Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny, God - and doesn't depend on evidence. His certainty that Bigfoot exists, he said, was born only after he was shown convincing evidence.
I've seen plenty of so-called evidence, whether Bigfoot or UFO related, that doesn't stand up to scrutiny. The Find Bigfoot Facebook page I frequent analyzes numerous videos and has lately begun claiming almost every bit of footage they post as being 100 % authentic. As compelling as some of these videos are, it is irresponsible of them as ostensibly serious researchers to make so bold a claim, especially when a couple of recent videos they confirmed as being 100% authentic were proven to be hoaxes. Yet they still hold strong to their original assessments. I still enjoy visiting the site, particularly because they seem well meaning and their hard work, even when misguided, is commendable. They are not, however, helping to sway public opinion towards accepting Cryptozoology as a legitimate field of study.
Critical thinking is a dying art form. I just read that a school had some of its students research and write about the tree octopus. They constructed a phony website about the tree octopus and the students in their searching discovered it. Because there is no such thing as a tree octopus, this was their only source of information on the subject. Some of the students, even after being informed there is no such creature as the tree octopus, held fast to their belief that it was real. If we lose the ability to think critically, we are in trouble.
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My friends, I sometimes despair that we live in an indifferent universe, one that cares not if we blow ourselves to shit or enact a peaceful existence. We hold to the belief that we're being looked after, protected by something greater than ourselves, ever present, parental. In this belief, there is justice, and good will come to those that conduct themselves rightly. We cling to this idea because if we do not, we are left with indifference at best, and malevolence at worst,that is if we still entertain the notion that there is a higher power. Do we tell ourselves fanciful stories so that we can live our lives with some semblance of ease? Of course we do, but there is something to it, I think, something ineffable, yes, but not indifferent or malevolent, that informs our beliefs, our collective imagination. Something well beyond my ken in its ecstatic joy.
Yes, sometimes I despair, but I feel, not so much believe, that I am loved, that, indeed, love is all there is, that we just need to open ourselves to it in order to know it better. I know that if my focus rests on despair, that is what I'll get. But if I change my focus....well, then I'll get what I focus on. If you go to a party and only take pictures of the people having a bad time, then it will seem as if it was a bad party. Hell, maybe it was a bad party. In that case, I suggest you not attend another one at that venue ever again.
Alright, it's getting late, and I'm starting to lose focus. Did I ever have it? We got a little deep tonight, but you can handle it. Can I handle it, is the question. I'm not so sure. I can handle watching a new episode of The Office tonight. That's a start.
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