Closing time, you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here

A shitty day for the most part. I'm not going to even bother getting into it; some of it runs deep, some of it superficial, and all of it will not be repeated here because I just don't have the energy to go over it. And, also, I've gotten the hint from some close to me that I complain too much, so, even though it's my fucking blog and I can and will write whatever I want, the rest be damned, I find myself becoming self conscious about it.

Life, in slow increments, just keeps getting worse. I hate to say it, and maybe I'll feel differently later, but, despite my wishes otherwise, it just seems that way. It's tough maintaining.

By way of illustrating that, I'll relate a sample of my day, despite my pledge not to. I was on the T headed into Boston and, just as we were headed underground, I started feeling a little anxious. For those of you don't know, I've grappled with anxiety my entire adult life. I've managed it over the last several years, but it's never gone away completely. Anyway, I started feeling anxious. Most of the time, I can think of at least one positive thing in my life to combat it, but today, today there was nothing. I couldn't think of a single aspect of my life that was positive enough to quell the mounting anxiety ( For the record, even at the tail end of this shitty day, I acknowledge that there are indeed positive aspects of my life, and for those, I am thankful. What I'm trying to convey is that they seem to be dwindling). Instead, all the shitty aspects of my life -- and these days they are legion -- came to the fore. Granted, this type of thing happens with anxiety, but usually I've been able to come up with something to oppose it.

The good news is I got over it before it grew into something unstoppable. I hardly get full blown attacks anymore, but there are many close calls.

That's all I've got for you. Maybe some yoga will restore some balance. Provided the room to do it in is free. Otherwise, guess I'll go for a run. Not as therapeutic, but it's something and it'll have to do.