Why can't I be loved as what I am, a wolf among wolves, and not as a man among men?

Taken from a lecture given by Craig (last name withheld, rhymes with Bunpus)

I tell you, my friends: there is nothing for it but to take off your pants and dance. What I'm saying to you is that I think sometimes you need to strip yourself bare, at least below the waist, and let your life start dancing. Let it dance. Let it shine!

Some of you don't want to expose your genitals. You expect that others will look upon you poorly, will think less of you, if they judge you to be inadequate down there. First of all, not everyone will focus on your privates, or acknowledge them in anything but a cursory way, as you dance the dance of life. I bet a good many would get caught up in your sexy dancing. That's what I think. So don't worry about others snooping around in your basement. Most of them won't. And the ones that do, I'm sure, will find your gennies very satisfying.

Do you seek jubilation? Do you seek love? What is it you seek, children? Whatever it is, you can have it. It's yours. How can I say this with absolute confidence? Let me tell you a story.

When I was young, around ten, I watched my mother put frosting on a cake. I wanted the cake, I wanted it badly. I didn't just want a piece, I wanted the whole thing! I sat and watched as long as I could until I couldn't take it any longer. I started crying, and when I say crying, I mean throwing a tantrum. In between wailing like a forlorn tabby, I told her how rotten she was and that if she didn't give me that fucking cake, I was going to do something really bad, something really, really bad. She was shocked at my rapid shift in demeanor. She could only look at me with her jaw open, hung off it's hinges. Finally, probably because my unearthly shrieking and moaning was becoming too unbearable, my mother told me she would have given me a piece of cake -- a nice, big one -- if I had asked her politely. But, because I was acting badly, there would be no cake for me.

Somehow, despite my bawling and shrieking, I was able to hear and process what she said. Do you know what I did, my friends? I spazzed even more, which did not please my mother -- no, it did not. I began stomping on the floor, making the house shake, and gesturing wildly. And I cried harder, I shrieked louder. My mother tried to get me to calm down, but I wasn't having it. I ran out of the kitchen, into the living room, and right through a plate glass window into the back yard. In the movies, when people jump through glass, they never bleed. Well, let me tell you, I bled all over. It ran down my legs, down my arms, into my eyes. I felt as if I had just been stung by a thousand hornets. This, however, did not slow my progress one bit. I ran like I had been infected with rabies twice over.

My tantrum grew into something unstoppable and severely evil. My very soul was at stake.At my young age, I wasn't aware of the old gods; I had no knowledge of the soul and it's enemy, the dark lord and fallen angel, Lucifer. I did, however, as I ran down the street tearing my clothes off as if they were burning, sense something in the periphery of my conscience, something decidedly malignant, black, and oily. The cold, ashen, eye of evil. I willed it closer, begged it to possess me entirely. See, I didn't recoil at the presence of evil, as many would do. I wanted to join with it; I wanted communion, deep and true.

I knew instinctively that fresh, pure blood, was needed to lure evil out of it's cave. I saw a schoolmate of mine playing in his yard. I jumped him and chewed on his wrist. He bled into my mouth. The effect was exquisite. A surge of energy overtook me. I felt invincible. I supped on his wrist like a pup at the nipple as my victim pleaded for mercy, which he received in the form of my mother, who pulled me off of him, allowing him to flee and provoking my ire.

My mother brought me back home in a hurried embarrassment. She tended my wounds, bathed me, and dressed me in clean clothes. She looked at me lovingly and said "Now, you can have some cake."

So you see, my friends, that is why I can tell you with absolute certainty, absolute conviction, that you can have anything you want in this life.

Thank you for having me. T shirts are on sale in the lobby.