Part 2 of the BTV saga

When I told Rich about Bob "The world is my oyster and you're all just bits of shell" TV's request to sleep on the couch for a night or two, his face reddened and he replied "no fucking way" followed by the million dollar question, " Doesn't he already have a place to go?".

"Of course he does", I replied. "He has a room waiting for him in Nashville at his mother's house. I guess he's just trying to prolong the inevitable." Bob TV's mood had been--how should I put it?--unhinged the days leading up to his move. He had confessed to me a day or two before that he hadn't been sleeping much or at all and he was really stressing out over the move. At the time, I remembered thinking how that didn't bode well, that if this guy was rendered immobile by his low state of mind, we'd be in for a rough time when it came time for him to leave. How prophetic the thought turned out to be.

After getting the thumbs down from Rich, I called Kreg and asked what he thought about Bob TV crashing on our couch, half expecting him to acquiesce out of general kindness. He didn't take long to stamp a whopping "NO" on idea, adding that with Bob "The Wretch" TV if you give an inch he takes a mile. I was pleased to hear that the guys didn't go for the idea, because the longer I thought about it, the more I realized that Kreg was right and we'd never be able to get the son-of-a-bitch to leave. I thought about all of his broken promises over the last year, about how selfish he'd become when he didn't get his way.

Thursday night Bob TV came downstairs to the kitchen where he found Rich and I conversing. He looked miserable, disheveled; not like someone who was in the process of packing his belongings. If I could have, if there was more time, I would have confronted him when he was more lucid, but it was Thursday night and he hadn't done a lick of packing yet.

"Hey Bob, we've got to talk about when you're going to start packing", I said. "We didn't want to pressure you before, but now we're concerned you're not going to have enough time."

Bob "The Melodramatic" TV looked at me as if I wasn't there until his dulled mind finally caught up to events and responded in a slow and thick drawl, "Look man, I told you guys before that I'd be out of that room in time for Kreg to move in. How many times do I have to tell you? I'm doing the best I can. Please, believe me. Tomorrow, I'm going to get up really early and, if I have to, I'll pack straight through the night."

I told him that was fine but because he was cutting it so close, we wanted to know what his plans were. Then, I told him about not being able to sleep on the couch. He didn't react too well.

"Are you serious? Why the hell not? I'm just going to crash on the couch for a few days. I'll be out of your hair by Tuesday the latest!".

Tuesday? He had told me it would only be for a "night or two". I told him Kreg wasn't down with his request and that Rich, since he was present, could answer for himself, which he did, explaining to Bob TV that he just didn't think it was a good idea.

Bob began to get heated. "No, you've got to explain to me why so that I know. You can't just say no and not back it up."

Rich was becoming visibly upset. " Actually, I can say what I want and I don't have to back anything up. I don't get it, Bob, why do you have to stay? Don't you have a place to go?"

"Sure I do", he answered. I just need a place to display the stuff I want to sell on Craig's list."

"Whoah!", I said. "You mean to tell me that you want to use our house as a showroom, with strangers coming in and out over the next few days?"

"It won't be a problem. I'll be invisible. All my stuff will be in my car and the little that will remain in the house will be tucked away in the corner."

"I'm sorry Bob, but no", I said.

Bob TV began to get worked up and teary, pacing around like a dog in a thunderstorm. "I-I've n-never denied anyone a c-couch in my life. Kreg's a pussy for not telling me to my face. A FUCKING PUSSY!!!"

I tried explaining to him that Kreg wasn't directly involved with this because he had enough on his plate getting his stuff together for his move. I asked Bob not to call him about any of this, that he should treat me as his proxy. I really didn't want that fuck calling Kreg and blubbering about what a pussy he was for not letting him crash on the couch. I tried to remain calm, despite Bob "I'm aware that I'm a selfish prick; I just don't care" TV's overreaction to his request being denied.

"So Rich isn't responding to me (which was true. Rich went silent when Bob began his tantrum.) and Kreg won't speak to me directly. T-this is f-fucking unreal. I-I thought I lived with friends. I guess I was wrong!" With that, he went up to his room.

I felt bad for him, then. On paper, his request to sleep on our couch didn't look unreasonable, but we weren't dealing with a reasonable person. But still, I felt compassion towards him. Underneath his self-involved outer shell, resided a sweet, affable man. I went to his room to see how he was holding up. Not too well, I discovered.

"I-I c-can't believe those guys d-don't want m-me to stay. I-I need to s-sleep."

I told him not to sweat any of it and that tomorrow would be a new day, one that would find him revived and focused. He told me he appreciated my being there and shut off his light and fell asleep.

Looking back on that night, I can't help but marvel at how quickly our relationship was to change in the coming days.