Your cheating heart

Luke Warm is a great friend because I can present any hypothetical situation to him, no matter how outlandish, and he'll treat it with respect. It's a unique gift he possesses; many of my friends will roll their eyes and dismiss a scenario I present to them because they think I'm just being silly. Luke Warm hears me out and gives what I have to say serious thought. On one occasion I'd been thinking about degrees of loyalty in a friendship, and whether there is such a thing as being too loyal. With that in mind,I presented Luke Warm with the following.

"What would you do if, after finding out your girlfriend was cheating on you, I went over to her place and beat the crap out of her?" I asked him. (Please note this is not something I would actually do)

"Well, I'd be doubly shocked: shocked that I was being cheated on, and shocked that your idea of defending my honor would be to beat up my girlfriend."

"Would some part of you feel grateful?"

"I think so. I wouldn't agree with the lengths you took, but a part of me would appreciate the gesture."

"The tough thing would be to feel appreciative without condoning my actions. Would that even be possible?", I asked.

"I don't know. I hate violence and I know you do, too. The fact that you would take such drastic measures to show your loyalty would definitely please me a bit,but I think I'd be more disappointed with you than anything else."

"And confused."

"Definitely. Now, would her cheating come as a total surprise to me?"

"You wouldn't see it coming.", I said.

" Damn, my life would be turned upside down. Two of my closest companions would have,using different methods, acted contrary to my expectations of them in a dramatic way. So, at the very least I'd be confused."

"And everything would get piled onto that foundation."

"Anger, disappointment, sadness, humiliation, pride--- I'd be an emotional wreck. By the way, how bad would you beat her up?"

"Enough to express my displeasure with her, but not enough to leave her within an inch of her life."

" Jail time?"

" Oh,yeah."

" How about for me? Wouldn't I be suspected of having you commit the crime on my behalf?"

"Probably. Even if I prefaced the beating with a disclaimer that made it explicitly clear that you had nothing to do with what was about to go down, you'd still be a suspect."

"That nugget of appreciation I felt over you defending my honor would shrink substantially, in that case."

"Probably would", I responded. "You're so ungrateful."