Maybe the sun is shining, birds are winging, no rain is falling from a heavy sky

As I've stated before, I've entered the world of online dating via the Tinder app on my phone. I wasn't under the assumption I'd find an abundance of women I found appealing, but I also didn't figure there would be a scarcity. I was hoping to find at least some women who seemed artistic, unconventional, weird, spiritual,  peaceful. Not many to be found, as it turns out.

I matched with a woman named Rachel fairly early on. Judging by her photos, she was not cut from the same generic cloth as so many of the other profiles I was checking out were. In a couple of the pics she had short hair and dressed like someone more likely to be found at a Pixies show than a Red Sox game.  No mention of running the Warrior Dash, no tall guy requirements (an good portion of the profiles I've been checking out state explicitly that short men, basically anyone under 5' 11", will be passed over without a thought), no pictures of her at a sporting event (just about every profile includes beer toasting pics at a Red Sox or Patriots game).

A good start.

We began communicating through text and continued to do so for about a week and a half. We had a good rapport and, at least on paper (or screen), we seemed to be a good match. We hatched a plan to meet this past Friday night at The Burren in Davis Sq.

As Friday approached, it began to seem like the Universe was throwing tiny wrenches in the works. I woke up Wednesday with a scratchy throat that continued all day and developed into a pretty rad head cold (that has subsequently moseyed on down to my chest). I NEVER get sick this time of year. Not like this. And I don't believe I brought on the illness through stress or lack of sleep; I've been taking very good care of myself and wasn't stressed in the least about the date; I was looking forward to it. I didn't get too discouraged but had to wonder at the timing.

On Friday, just as I was about ready to walk over to Davis, the toilet backed up and flooded the bathroom. Another event that has NEVER happened to me, not while living in this house. I managed to fix things with the plunger and hurriedly mopped up, but now I was running late. I wasn't really bothered by what happened - it was actually kind of funny - but again, I had to wonder at the timing.

When I got to The Burren, Rachel was waiting for me; she had just arrived. I barely recognized her. Right away it was clear that the pics she posted were from a while ago; she looked older and was about twenty pounds heavier. I wasn't totally unprepared for something like this - I'm aware that people don't always represent themselves as they currently appear - but it took my brain, which had taken the images I'd had available and created an approximation of what she might look like, a few moments to process.

We found a table outside and ordered drinks. The conversation didn't really flow at first, mostly because my brain was still trying to adjust to this person who looked radically different from her photos (I even begun to wonder if she had posted pictures of her sister or cousin - it's possible). I wasn't angry, didn't feel betrayed, but I wasn't attracted to her at all and felt bad that she felt the need to misrepresent herself. I imagine it might take her a while to meet a guy when she's deceptive right out of the gate.

I don't put a huge emphasis on looks, but  they matter to me. Whether it's based on conditioning, I'm attracted to the women I'm attracted to but it's a wide array: short, tall, slim, chunky, young, old, etc. But I wasn't attracted to Rachel, so that was that. We had a pleasant dinner and got to know each other a bit. At 9:30 we parted ways. I walked home feeling the pangs of another disappointment. I honored the feeling by not attemting to stifle it.

I came home, smoked a little, and listened to American Beauty. I think it will happen, I think I'll pair with someone special and it will feel like coming home for both of us. Could happen anytime.

Goodnight

Nancy, Nancy, sing me a song, something to make my hair grow long

The weekend turned out well in retrospect. You can tell by the tone of my last post that I wasn't quite in a positive state when I wrote it. That is alright because that's what happens in life. Anyway, even as I was going through it, I was still being mindful, taking notes and all the while adhering to the unassailable phrase "This too shall pass". I was listening to a Ram Dass talk the other night in which he told a story about a king who employs a monk to make him something that would make him happy when he he was feeling poorly. The monk returned a week later with a ring that had the inscription "This too shall pass".  The king loved it, but failed to realize the same would hold true when he was feeling happy. Everything changes, the good and the bad and the in between.

Pat came by yesterday and we had a productive practice. I recently suggested to the group that we modify the way we practice by splitting them up: I would practice with Pat one day, practice with Janelle and Michelle on another, and then we'd all practice together. That way I'd be able to workshop the vocals without Pat having to sit there and wait, and vice versa. So far, so good.


Ok, I'm going to possibly watch the movie Her, daydream about the tattoo I hope to have placed on my arm, call Rachel and talk to her for the first time, work on music, read.....who knows.


Bye

Are you going away with no word of farewell, will there be not a trace for me to find

I haven't been playing music much lately, but I'm coming back around to it. It was a good several weeks before I picked up a guitar. Why, I'm not exactly sure. Well, if I ruminate on it, and I have a little, I can come up with a few reasons, but here is not the forum for such things. Why, sure it is, you say, but whatever.

Sometimes I feel like I'm not meant to get this tattoo. Seriously, out of the blue, I keep getting saddled with more expenses. I was hoping to have had it already, but now it's looking like it won't happen for at least the next several weeks, maybe longer. Who knows, maybe the gods will favor me and a way will be found sooner. Michelle showed us her beautiful new work in progress chest tattoo last night at practice and it got me pining; ah, patience, young man. Patience.

I've been communicating pretty regularly with Rachel, the woman I met through Tinder. So far it's only been through text; hopefully we'll meet up soon. I'd been feeling pretty positive about the dating situation, but lately I've been reminded in multitudinous ways that perhaps, due mostly to my financial situation and other hang ups, I probably shouldn't get my hopes up. Oh, I don't know; not trying to be negative, but it is what it is, to use an incredibly over used phrase.

Seems like even the simplest things get all muddied up and convoluted. You know what, I'm not liking where this post is headed. I've been eating healthier than ever, meditating and practicing yoga regularly, going for long walks, haven't smoked pot in weeks, meeting new women, but yet I feel lonely, empty. Well, that's right now. This too shall pass. Or something like that.

Ok, well time to put a stop to this. I'm supposed to be practicing with Pat today, but something tells me he's going to bail. We'll see. If not, I'll figure something else out. I will not be sedentary, that is for damn sure. I'll get active, which is the most effective way out of the doldrums.

Take that to the bank, motherfuckers!

Doctor pays a visit every day, I keep asking for my dad, he must think I'm going mad

I started using the Tinder dating app over the weekend. Real user friendly and took almost no effort to launch. I've had a few matches and have been in contact with one of them, but a lot of the profiles I'm seeing don't interest me very much. That's what I get for being such a freak of nature. Or something like that.

We'll see how it goes. If something good comes out of it, great. If not, that's fine, too. I will live on. I've been having daily email contact with Jennifer, the woman I met when she interviewed for the apartment. I think eventually we'll meet up, but she's going through a divorce and doesn't wants to keep contact on the DL until things clear up. Fine with me. I'm not too invested at this point, although her recent emails have been a bit steamier and that's not such a bad thing. Ah, distractions.

As soon as I get some cash I'm going to get that tattoo Janelle designed for me. It better happen soon or I'm going to be real pouty. Maybe I'll put together a kickstarter campaign.

Another short post  - my apologies - but I've got shit to do, son!

Peace out.

Old concepts go, new ones grow, all at once the world begins to love again

I'm not sure how to describe today because it's almost over and I feel like I gradually became dumber throughout it. Maybe that's not what I'm trying to say, but it's nearing midnight and, according to the logic of my opening sentence, I'm at my dumbest. Or something like that. In addition to the dumbness, everything grew monochromatic and dull as the day progressed. We had practice tonight and it was not an inspired one. Who knows why; probably a bunch of factors. I'll monitor the situation closely. To conclude this paragraph, it was a day I kind of hope oozes from my memory hole forever. Maybe it's because it's a hump day. Could be that pregnant looking moon.

Anyway

It's late and I'm going to be brief. Felt like checking in, though. So, yeah, here I am.

Anyway

Andrew, the new roommate keeps to himself pretty much. He's in his room all the time and keeps conversations briefer than this post will be. While a little social interaction would be preferable, he's pretty much what I hoped for. He's quiet, paid his rent on time....What's not to like?

Alright, pups. I'll try to be more consistent here.

Cheers!

All at once the world begins to love again

It's been an interesting weekend so far.  To wit:

1. I had just gotten home from work on Friday when I received a text from Spira. She was on her way to the emergency room with severe stomach pain.She suspected it had something to do with the hernia operation she had a couple of years ago.

2. I went over to her place to feed and walk Missy D. Spira kept me updated through texts. "Still sitting here". "Still waiting". They didn't get to her for a few hours. What do you expect in the Emergency Rooom? Ha!

3. When they did get to her, they confirmed her suspicion about the hernia: it had popped out. They drugged her up and popped it back in. It was a late night; she didn't get home until well after midnight. She'll need another surgery.

4. Yesterday morning I awoke from a dream in which I was in a paedophile's house and had access to his video library. This guy was an elite member of society and I knew the footage would incriminate him and others, most likely politicians and celebrities. No one was around. I debated whether to watch a video. I knew it wouldn't be pretty, that there would be sexual abuse and violence. Still, I was curious. I mulled it over.....and then I woke up. Glad I didn't pop that tape in the player.

5. This morning I woke from a slightly better dream, albeit equally disturbing. In it, I was at a small club in NH with the band. We were scheduled to perform but the band playing before us played well past their allotted time. We were told we'd have to rush a sound check if we wanted to play. A lot of our friends were there; it was important to us that we should perform. From that point , the dream took on a familiar cast. I went looking for members of the group, my guitar tuner, and who knows what else and kept getting distracted by other people and situations. I eventually found my tuner and, as I was tuning my guitar, I saw Adam sitting near by. I nodded to him but didn't approach; I knew he wanted nothing to do with me. He suddenly got up and excitedly called over his mother and anyone who would listen. He showed them a piece of paper that looked like a work order from my job. "Look! It says 7-5 KC!!", he said. "See, he's trying to get to me!". (July 5th is my birthday and KC are my initials). It bummed me out that someone I once considered to be my best friend, my brother, has been under a sinister glamour that convinces him I am his worst enemy. I woke up. Sadly, that part of the dream was very, very close to the truth.

6. I helped Spira out with stuff yesterday so she could recuperate. In the afternoon, she came up with the idea that we should get foot massages at the Galleria, her treat. I obliged - I've never had a professional foot massage. So off we went. We sat in recliners and got our feet and legs massaged. Since it was a reflexology massage, it wasn't entirely gentle. There were moments of discomfort, to be sure.

7. Andrew moved in yesterday. I hope he works out. On paper, it looks like he will.

8. Somehow, I managed to be creative over the last couple of days. I worked on a song that I'm modifying to fit the band and a couple of other Garage Band pieces I've had kicking around or a while. And, while Spira was sleeping yesterday morning, I recorded an acapella piece I hope will turn into something.

9. Jennifer, the woman I've been corresponding with (she was one of the recent apartment candidates) wrote me this morning about feeling trapped (she's in an uncomfortable post divorce predicament).  It's been weird, because, on the one hand it appears she wants pursue a casual physical relationship with me (and if not me, I hope she pursues one with someone because after all the shit she's told me, she could use a good shagging) and on the other she seems caught up in a self-made web of negativity and folly. I'm not sure how involved I want to get.

10. Today, more music. I'll finish watching the excellent Kurt Cobain: Montage of Heck documentary and maybe do some reading. I need a day to myself and today looks to be the day.

11. Bye, lovers.

Rudolph Valentino is very much alive, he looks up laidies dresses as they sadly pass him by

It's a nice day and I haven't left the house. Sometimes it goes like that, what can I say? I'll take a walk to the store in a bit; that will give me some outdoors time. Happy now?

A lazy day and I needed it. The past week was packed to the gills with all sorts of stuff and having today to recharge the batteries feels necessary. The band had a practice scheduled but poor Janelle is being assaulted by bronchitis and probably shouldn't be singing. I haven't been terribly productive but I did work on music for about an hour, so there's that. I also watched an episode of Game of Thrones. Not sure that counts as productive, but whatever.

Evangeline moved out several days ago and her parting was bittersweet. I'll see her again when she comes back in a few months to retrieve some of her belongings. Andrew will be coming by shortly to pick up his key. He'll be moving in next weekend.

Ignore Emporium played it's first performance last Thursday at SCAT, Somerville's cable access station. One of Pat's friends had offered the gig to us a few weeks ago. We had a good chunk of the evening at our disposal to get a number of songs on tape. It was interesting, to be sure. Everyone we worked with was easygoing, which made for a relaxed atmosphere. That was good because navigating Union Square at 6pm looking for parking was not a relaxing experience for any of us.

We played well, I think - we'll know for sure when the songs are posted in a day or two - but even if we didn't, it was a bit of a rite of passage for us, meeting our first challenge as a band. We went out for a drinks afterward to celebrate. I was a solo musician for a long time; being in a band again feels really good. The chemistry is there for sure, and when we start playing out, which I believe will be sooner than later, I think we're going to be formidable. I was talking to Pat outside after our performance and he said, "Man, I just realized this could really go someplace and it's kind of scary, but it's thrilling, too!" I told him I'm so confident in my songs and the people I play with that all we have to do is just keep playing together and we will most certainly go someplace with this.

Being in a band with people I love has been a long time coming and increasingly gratifying.

I took Missy D for a nice long walk yesterday while Spira was at her yoga teacher training class. That girl is the dog equivalent of a super model. I had at least three people come up to me and comment about how pretty she is. Sadly, they didn't say anything about how pretty I am. Don't worry, I'm used to it. Anyway, it was a good walk. Later, we took a nap together on Spira's bed.

When Spira returned from her class, we walked over to The Cheesecake Factory for dinner. I got the eggplant parm. When it arrived, I realized why it was a bit pricey: there was enough pasta and eggplant on the plate for three or four stout people. I asked the waitress how many people who order the dish clean their plates. "A lot", she said. No wonder so many of us are soft, bloated fucks.

I purchased a couple of albums by The Move yesterday on iTunes. Great band! After several albums and a ton of success in Great Britain, they morphed into ELO. I prefer The Move over ELO. They had more grit and were more folky and progressive.

You ever find yourself in a situation where someone doesn't quite realize that you know more about something than they think you do and they proceed to bullshit you as if you didn't? Of course you have. Well, maybe not of course, but it amounts for some interesting situations.

Alright, puppies, that's all I've got for you.