Friday morning my car would barely start. After several attempts, and right as I was about to call AAA, it started fine. That was good because I had to go into Cambridge and do some recording for work.
The car ran fine, but I took it to my mechanic in Andover when I arrived at work. He told me I needed a tune up and, even though I was out close to $300, I figured I got off easy. The car ran fine all through the weekend until this morning when I could barely get the car to start.
Fortunately, it started and I didn't have to have it towed. I brought it to the garage I go to here and left it. It's almost four o'clock and I still don't even know what's wrong with it. I called around one and they told me my car was up next. I'm going to call again. So all day I've been on pins and needles about how much this is going to cost me.
Between the last paragraph and this one, I went and picked up my car. They couldn't find anything wrong with it. I got off cheap, but it's disconcerting not knowing what the issue is. It will show its face again, I predict. We'll see.
A big blizzard is soon to arrive. We're expected to get at least two feet of snow, which means no work for the next day at least. My neighbor Steve, who was out shoveling/snow blowing for approximately four and half hours the other day (we only got about four inches), is, I'm sure, in full hard on mode right now. Last big storm we had, he spent the entire day and a good chunk of the night clearing snow wherever he could find it. I wouldn't give a shit, but I have to listen to the racket he causes. There are worse things in life.
I'll probably work on songs a lot in the next day or two. I've been inspired in an F you kind of way. I don't want to go into detail, but I feel like I need to prove to some people that I'm an actual musician who might actually be pretty good. I know my stuff is an acquired taste and a lot of people don't care for it, but I care about it.
Alright, time to go do other stuff.
Good luck in the storm, kiddos.
Monday, January 26, 2015
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Meet me in the morning
To Be Kind, the powerful and latest album by Swans thunders through my ribs as I write this. It's good energy to be around in the dead bowels of winter; keeps you alert like a cold shower or a stein of Red Bull. I'll tell you what: this album is all consuming; I'm finding it hard to concentrate. What else is new?
I have to work tomorrow; a lot of people have it off. MLK day. I'm not jealous or nothing, but it would be nice not having to get up early. I'll get by. Maybe I'll get some coffee and see Mary; last time was Wednesday. It's been interesting, our relationship, such as it is. This is how it's gone so far:
1. I'd been getting coffee from her for several years and it wasn't until a few months ago that I formally introduced myself to her and we started talking. Before that, it seemed like she was barely aware of me.
2. I found her attractive but thought she was probably too young (she's not; she's only a few years younger than me) and married (I'm sure she was, but I'm about 100% sure the relationship is kaput).
3. One day recently it occurred to me that she was interested in me as a person; she was inquiring more about my background and interests, etc. Our conversations became a little longer. And, then, maybe a week later, it occurred to me that I was thinking about her fairly often.
4. It seemed like things were escalating, albeit slowly. Maybe, and I don't know if this is the same thing, but maybe rather than things escalating, there was a growing mutual awareness that a connection had been made.
5. Last week, I went to get coffee and things seemed different, like a flame had been blown out. It wasn't palpable, it happened quietly within. Or did it? I'm still not sure.
6. I don't know if anything beyond a casual acquaintance will manifest between us. I do know that the experience reminded me how desirable being in a relationship still is to me. It's been too long; I want a partner.
There's a big Patriots playoff game on right now. Clearly, watching it is not a priority for me. Not that I'm not interested; I am, but there are other things to do.
G'night!
I have to work tomorrow; a lot of people have it off. MLK day. I'm not jealous or nothing, but it would be nice not having to get up early. I'll get by. Maybe I'll get some coffee and see Mary; last time was Wednesday. It's been interesting, our relationship, such as it is. This is how it's gone so far:
1. I'd been getting coffee from her for several years and it wasn't until a few months ago that I formally introduced myself to her and we started talking. Before that, it seemed like she was barely aware of me.
2. I found her attractive but thought she was probably too young (she's not; she's only a few years younger than me) and married (I'm sure she was, but I'm about 100% sure the relationship is kaput).
3. One day recently it occurred to me that she was interested in me as a person; she was inquiring more about my background and interests, etc. Our conversations became a little longer. And, then, maybe a week later, it occurred to me that I was thinking about her fairly often.
4. It seemed like things were escalating, albeit slowly. Maybe, and I don't know if this is the same thing, but maybe rather than things escalating, there was a growing mutual awareness that a connection had been made.
5. Last week, I went to get coffee and things seemed different, like a flame had been blown out. It wasn't palpable, it happened quietly within. Or did it? I'm still not sure.
6. I don't know if anything beyond a casual acquaintance will manifest between us. I do know that the experience reminded me how desirable being in a relationship still is to me. It's been too long; I want a partner.
There's a big Patriots playoff game on right now. Clearly, watching it is not a priority for me. Not that I'm not interested; I am, but there are other things to do.
G'night!
Thursday, January 15, 2015
I've got sunshine in my stomach, like I just put my baby to sleep
Man, what an ugly commute home from work. Just ugly. Shitty drivers, snow spitting on salted, sanded wet roads. Surprisingly, I kept a pretty even-keeled disposition throughout it. Maybe the increased attention to my spiritual life is paying off.
Spira gave me some mala beads to meditate with. I'd been wanting to get some and she had an extra one, so now I'm in business. There are 108 beads total and the idea is to say a mantra for each bead. There's an orthodox way to hold them, but it's not comfortable for me, so I do it my own way, which I'm confident is just as good. I like using them; by keeping count with the beads I can't focus more on the mantra.
Music abounds! The band has been back on track after a hiatus during the holidays. My life has become enriched because of it. We're building up a set and soon enough will be playing out. We're introducing Pat to the fold; he'll help fill the sound out.
Next week I start another band. This one will feature me, Scott, Foley, and Pat. A couple of weeks ago I had the idea to reach out to Pat and Foley to see if they wanted to get together on a regular basis and see what we can come up with. I talked to Pat about it and he was on board. Today, I texted Foley with the idea and he texted back that he had the exact same idea and was just about to present it to us. He also informed me that Scott could contribute, too, albeit from afar (i.e. he'd record parts and send over the internets). So, an abundance of music down the pike with some of my favorite people.
Alright, off with me.
Spira gave me some mala beads to meditate with. I'd been wanting to get some and she had an extra one, so now I'm in business. There are 108 beads total and the idea is to say a mantra for each bead. There's an orthodox way to hold them, but it's not comfortable for me, so I do it my own way, which I'm confident is just as good. I like using them; by keeping count with the beads I can't focus more on the mantra.
Music abounds! The band has been back on track after a hiatus during the holidays. My life has become enriched because of it. We're building up a set and soon enough will be playing out. We're introducing Pat to the fold; he'll help fill the sound out.
Next week I start another band. This one will feature me, Scott, Foley, and Pat. A couple of weeks ago I had the idea to reach out to Pat and Foley to see if they wanted to get together on a regular basis and see what we can come up with. I talked to Pat about it and he was on board. Today, I texted Foley with the idea and he texted back that he had the exact same idea and was just about to present it to us. He also informed me that Scott could contribute, too, albeit from afar (i.e. he'd record parts and send over the internets). So, an abundance of music down the pike with some of my favorite people.
Alright, off with me.
Monday, January 12, 2015
I want a horse, I want sheep, I want to get me a good night's sleep, living in the heart of the country
It's been a while, so I'm producing a post. I must admit, however, that I'm doing so somewhat reluctantly, for it grows late and I'm beat. Well, I'll trudge on, but I'm giving myself fifteen minutes. After that, I'm out of here, dear.
At the end of my last post, I mentioned I might watch Edge of Tomorrow. Well, I did. It was wonderful. It's the kind of sci-fi action movie I enjoy best. It had thrills, laughs, great acting, great effects. The story was told in a clear and concise manner. It's not terribly complicated, but in lesser hands, it could have become a jumbled mess. Now I want to watch it again.
My time grows short, so I'm going minimal the rest of the post. Here goes.
Band=fun.
Today I saw a possibility grow dim. Maybe. Maybe not. Probably. Who knows? I felt sad and lonely in patches afterward. I moved on, it is ok.
Spira turned me on to the beneficial properties of crystals. She gave me two: one chunk of quartz, one polished piece of amethyst. Don't feel anything yet. I'll give it time. We'll see.
Reading Stephen King's It. This is my second go. First time was....when? Shoot, maybe when I was in high school. Anyway, it's been a while; it's almost like reading it for the first time. King is a very good writer. The older I get, the more I appreciate him.
Ok, bye.
At the end of my last post, I mentioned I might watch Edge of Tomorrow. Well, I did. It was wonderful. It's the kind of sci-fi action movie I enjoy best. It had thrills, laughs, great acting, great effects. The story was told in a clear and concise manner. It's not terribly complicated, but in lesser hands, it could have become a jumbled mess. Now I want to watch it again.
My time grows short, so I'm going minimal the rest of the post. Here goes.
Band=fun.
Today I saw a possibility grow dim. Maybe. Maybe not. Probably. Who knows? I felt sad and lonely in patches afterward. I moved on, it is ok.
Spira turned me on to the beneficial properties of crystals. She gave me two: one chunk of quartz, one polished piece of amethyst. Don't feel anything yet. I'll give it time. We'll see.
Reading Stephen King's It. This is my second go. First time was....when? Shoot, maybe when I was in high school. Anyway, it's been a while; it's almost like reading it for the first time. King is a very good writer. The older I get, the more I appreciate him.
Ok, bye.
Thursday, January 1, 2015
The rich man stands in front of me, poor man behind my back
New Year's Day, 2015. So it is. I had lunch with my mother at her favorite restaurant, Luigi's. I ate relatively light yesterday in anticipation of eating Italian food early in the day today. I ate a combo plate of lasagna, eggplant and chicken parm, and meat balls. I almost finished it all in one sitting. Guess I was hungry. It was nice starting the year off with mom and a cute waitress that seemed to like my ways. I put aside the notion of asking her out,though, particularly because I was preoccupied with my mother and also because my days of asking women out in spontaneous fashion are behind me. Let's just say I've had poor results.
I ended up not being social last night. I didn't have too many invitations to do anything, but I had a couple. I was tired and felt like a low key night. Wasn't entirely low key, I had trouble at times feeling alright about my choice. The curse of the social introvert is always wondering if you've made the right decision. Well, it was an okay night all the same, but kind of weird. I listened to probably too much of a Ronnie The Limo Driver compilation, talked to Kreg, and watched probably not enough of the first installment of Nymphomaniac.
Jeff sent us home at noon yesterday. We had so much work that I almost wished that he hadn't. Almost. It was nice getting home early and I was grateful. I stopped by the coffee shop before I left for some egg nog brew but mostly to see Mary and wish her a Happy New Year's. Alas, she wasn't there. Perhaps I'll talk about her more in another post.
A new year. Last year wasn't so bad, plenty of highlights, some of which are not safe to print, but it was challenging and disappointing, too. So it goes every year, every month, every day. Living ain't easy, my friends, not all the time, and if we've been told any different, we've been misled.
Contemplating renting The Edge of Tomorrow, a movie I keep hearing from reliable sources is a very good one. I want to play music, though, and I'd like to have a go at some lyrics. We'll see.
See ya, cronies.
I ended up not being social last night. I didn't have too many invitations to do anything, but I had a couple. I was tired and felt like a low key night. Wasn't entirely low key, I had trouble at times feeling alright about my choice. The curse of the social introvert is always wondering if you've made the right decision. Well, it was an okay night all the same, but kind of weird. I listened to probably too much of a Ronnie The Limo Driver compilation, talked to Kreg, and watched probably not enough of the first installment of Nymphomaniac.
Jeff sent us home at noon yesterday. We had so much work that I almost wished that he hadn't. Almost. It was nice getting home early and I was grateful. I stopped by the coffee shop before I left for some egg nog brew but mostly to see Mary and wish her a Happy New Year's. Alas, she wasn't there. Perhaps I'll talk about her more in another post.
A new year. Last year wasn't so bad, plenty of highlights, some of which are not safe to print, but it was challenging and disappointing, too. So it goes every year, every month, every day. Living ain't easy, my friends, not all the time, and if we've been told any different, we've been misled.
Contemplating renting The Edge of Tomorrow, a movie I keep hearing from reliable sources is a very good one. I want to play music, though, and I'd like to have a go at some lyrics. We'll see.
See ya, cronies.
Sunday, December 28, 2014
He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake
It's Sunday and my mini vacation draws to a close. That's alright, it'll be another short week. Christmas has come and gone, a blur of activity that winked in and out of existence like a dimly recalled dream. Tomorrow it's back to work and other realities of life. I'll enjoy today as much as I can.
Christmas. The first part was spent at my grandmother's house with cousins and sundry. Traditionally, her house is the last destination of the day, but it was reversed this year mostly to accommodate my grandmother's waning energy, but also to enable everyone to spend time with immediate family and not have to rush. My mother had the idea, and it made sense for everyone.
The TV I got my mom wasn't a hit and caused a bit of drama. I had been looking forward to seeing her expression when she opened it; I wasn't expecting her to be bummed out, which, as it happened, she was. She said she was still happy with her old TV, which was a shock to me because she had expressed to me on more than one occasion that when she had the funds available, she was going to get a new one. Her TV was old, bulky, and losing it's picture quality among other things. Still happy with it? WTF!
Anyway, she said she was grateful for what I'd done and that she really liked the TV and wanted to keep it. There were indications as I was setting it up that she felt otherwise, but I held out hope that once it was operational, she'd feel better. She did, eventually, but it was rough going for a bit.
My mom felt lousy about appearing ungrateful. " I guess I'm not good with change", she confessed to me numerous times. She even wrote me a lengthy apology email. It all worked out. We had a good discussion and everything is fine.
For my part, I got a new iPad mini to replace my damaged one. I also got some much needed bedding. My bosses got us Apple TV, which prompted me to get my own new TV (same one I got my mom) with some of the bonus money they gave me. Turns out, my old bear of a TV wasn't compatible with Apple TV. So I took advantage of a sale the day after Christmas and, voila, I'm a little more modern. Apple TV, by the way, rocks. Who needs cable? Not me, son! Haven't had it in years and years and now I'm even less inclined to get it.
So Christmas was fine. Spira and Missy D came to my mom's and we ate Chinese food and talked and stuff. A good day. I was happy to have the next several days off with a house all to my self. I practiced a bunch of yoga, sometimes twice a day, to combat all the sweets and other unhealthy food I'd been eating.
Yesterday, I saw the final Hobbit installment with Ali and Spira at the new AMC Imax theater in Somerville. Great effin' movie! Afterward, we got some coffee at a French bakery and ate some North End pizza from a little shop next door. Nice little area over there in Assembly Square. They've got Lego Land, the movie theater, and a ton of outlet stores. Who needs Kittery?
Alright, stuff to do. Last night I rented Dawn of The Planet of The Apes and it was very good. Today, I might watch another movie, but I'd like to do some writing and reading. Maybe meditate. We'll see.
Bye.
Christmas. The first part was spent at my grandmother's house with cousins and sundry. Traditionally, her house is the last destination of the day, but it was reversed this year mostly to accommodate my grandmother's waning energy, but also to enable everyone to spend time with immediate family and not have to rush. My mother had the idea, and it made sense for everyone.
The TV I got my mom wasn't a hit and caused a bit of drama. I had been looking forward to seeing her expression when she opened it; I wasn't expecting her to be bummed out, which, as it happened, she was. She said she was still happy with her old TV, which was a shock to me because she had expressed to me on more than one occasion that when she had the funds available, she was going to get a new one. Her TV was old, bulky, and losing it's picture quality among other things. Still happy with it? WTF!
Anyway, she said she was grateful for what I'd done and that she really liked the TV and wanted to keep it. There were indications as I was setting it up that she felt otherwise, but I held out hope that once it was operational, she'd feel better. She did, eventually, but it was rough going for a bit.
My mom felt lousy about appearing ungrateful. " I guess I'm not good with change", she confessed to me numerous times. She even wrote me a lengthy apology email. It all worked out. We had a good discussion and everything is fine.
For my part, I got a new iPad mini to replace my damaged one. I also got some much needed bedding. My bosses got us Apple TV, which prompted me to get my own new TV (same one I got my mom) with some of the bonus money they gave me. Turns out, my old bear of a TV wasn't compatible with Apple TV. So I took advantage of a sale the day after Christmas and, voila, I'm a little more modern. Apple TV, by the way, rocks. Who needs cable? Not me, son! Haven't had it in years and years and now I'm even less inclined to get it.
So Christmas was fine. Spira and Missy D came to my mom's and we ate Chinese food and talked and stuff. A good day. I was happy to have the next several days off with a house all to my self. I practiced a bunch of yoga, sometimes twice a day, to combat all the sweets and other unhealthy food I'd been eating.
Yesterday, I saw the final Hobbit installment with Ali and Spira at the new AMC Imax theater in Somerville. Great effin' movie! Afterward, we got some coffee at a French bakery and ate some North End pizza from a little shop next door. Nice little area over there in Assembly Square. They've got Lego Land, the movie theater, and a ton of outlet stores. Who needs Kittery?
Alright, stuff to do. Last night I rented Dawn of The Planet of The Apes and it was very good. Today, I might watch another movie, but I'd like to do some writing and reading. Maybe meditate. We'll see.
Bye.
Sunday, December 21, 2014
I feel good in a special way, I'm in love and it's a sunny day
Christmas approaches and the days leading up to it have been challenging to say the least, but not so terrible, either. Still, I'm hoping the next several days are laden with comfort and holiday cheer. Not such a tall order, but given the impermanent nature of every aspect of life, I'm not counting on it.
I don't say that with bitterness, although there are whispers of it there to be sure. It's okay, I'm aware of it and keep it in check. Our society is built around the notion that we can craft a life of security, of things staying the same. It's like trying to subdue an ocean wave with a net, but yet we continue on in the erroneous belief that it's possible.
I've been grappling a lot with the reality of impermanence lately. My spiritual practice has helped provide balance and insight. Instead trying to capture the wave, I'm focusing more on riding it. My success rate has been uneven, but fuck it, I keep trying.
I don't really want to get into what challenges have come my way but they haven't been easy. There have been times lately when I've wondered if I'll even make it to Christmas. I don't mean to be dramatic here, despite appearances. It's just that things have been happening that have been coming out of left field, as they do, at such a rate that the message is clear: Nothing stays the same, nothing lasts.
With that in mind, my aim has been to not dwell on the negatives in favor of the positives. For example, yesterday my roommates and I cleaned the house. We started in the morning and didn't finish until around six o'clock. Earlier in the week, I had reached out to Fred & Evangeline about doing some cleaning over the weekend. I wasn't sure what to expect, but they both were on board. So yesterday we went to town on the place, with the help of Fred's girlfriend, Emily, and made it look better than it has in years. We threw a lot of stuff out, did some redecorating....it felt good getting so much done. And it felt even better knowing I could have still been mildly depressed and somewhat resentful of the filthy state of our apartment if it wasn't for the action I took to initiate the change.
It was a long, productive day. At the end of it, I was looking forward to watching a movie, playing music, relaxing. I went to my room and started to make my bed. My iPad, unbeknownst to me, was under one of the blankets. When started pulling them off the bed, the iPad fell on the floor. When I picked it up, I saw that it had a long hairline scratch down the middle. Shitty, but barely perceptible. Then I saw that the there was a dent right where the volume control is. More shitty. Then I realized that it had dented itself into the mute position and wouldn't budge. Fuck! Oh, and then I read online about how to pull the dent out - someone had the exact same thing happen to their iPad - and basically I made it worse. The end result: a small patch of spiderweb fractured glass around the dent.
I use my iPad a lot, so this sucked. No more Garage Band, no more music, no more Netflix (can't watch on my PC for very long before my computer crashes), no more podcasts. I almost made it a full year with it. My mom had surprised me last Christmas with it; it was a great gift.
The thought struck me, as it sometimes and thankfully does in the early stages of something like this, that what would happen if instead of being bummed out and angry at the world for fucking around with me, I made the conscious decision to not heap any more shitty-ness onto an already shitty event? Would it even be possible to dispense with all of that? Maybe?
Well, not maybe, but yes. We can't control the events of life but we can decide how we're going to react. And the best time to decide is in the early stages when worry and stress and everything else that accompanies the bad things that happen haven't grown sturdy as oaks. So, I gave it a shot but it wasn't easy. It wasn't so hard, either. I just had to keep on top of the thoughts that crept up about how crummy this loss was.
I reminded myself that this one unfortunate event was threatening to overshadow the accomplishment of a thoroughly cleaned place. In times of strife, all of things that have gone right tend to get stamped out in our minds, like the never happened. I went downstairs and practiced yoga for a while. I had some energy to burn, despite having spent hours and hours cleaning. Throughout my session, thoughts about my iPad swam into view, but they didn't stick for very long.
Oh, you do what you can do. Everyone alive on this planet is subject to impermanence, to the rising and falling, the giving and taking. None of us are immune. I try to remember that when thoughts that the Universe has a vendetta against me leak out. I'll see about getting the iPad fixed or getting another one. May take a while, either way, to happen, but who knows? Maybe St. Nick has something up his sleeve.
Peace.
I don't say that with bitterness, although there are whispers of it there to be sure. It's okay, I'm aware of it and keep it in check. Our society is built around the notion that we can craft a life of security, of things staying the same. It's like trying to subdue an ocean wave with a net, but yet we continue on in the erroneous belief that it's possible.
I've been grappling a lot with the reality of impermanence lately. My spiritual practice has helped provide balance and insight. Instead trying to capture the wave, I'm focusing more on riding it. My success rate has been uneven, but fuck it, I keep trying.
I don't really want to get into what challenges have come my way but they haven't been easy. There have been times lately when I've wondered if I'll even make it to Christmas. I don't mean to be dramatic here, despite appearances. It's just that things have been happening that have been coming out of left field, as they do, at such a rate that the message is clear: Nothing stays the same, nothing lasts.
With that in mind, my aim has been to not dwell on the negatives in favor of the positives. For example, yesterday my roommates and I cleaned the house. We started in the morning and didn't finish until around six o'clock. Earlier in the week, I had reached out to Fred & Evangeline about doing some cleaning over the weekend. I wasn't sure what to expect, but they both were on board. So yesterday we went to town on the place, with the help of Fred's girlfriend, Emily, and made it look better than it has in years. We threw a lot of stuff out, did some redecorating....it felt good getting so much done. And it felt even better knowing I could have still been mildly depressed and somewhat resentful of the filthy state of our apartment if it wasn't for the action I took to initiate the change.
It was a long, productive day. At the end of it, I was looking forward to watching a movie, playing music, relaxing. I went to my room and started to make my bed. My iPad, unbeknownst to me, was under one of the blankets. When started pulling them off the bed, the iPad fell on the floor. When I picked it up, I saw that it had a long hairline scratch down the middle. Shitty, but barely perceptible. Then I saw that the there was a dent right where the volume control is. More shitty. Then I realized that it had dented itself into the mute position and wouldn't budge. Fuck! Oh, and then I read online about how to pull the dent out - someone had the exact same thing happen to their iPad - and basically I made it worse. The end result: a small patch of spiderweb fractured glass around the dent.
I use my iPad a lot, so this sucked. No more Garage Band, no more music, no more Netflix (can't watch on my PC for very long before my computer crashes), no more podcasts. I almost made it a full year with it. My mom had surprised me last Christmas with it; it was a great gift.
The thought struck me, as it sometimes and thankfully does in the early stages of something like this, that what would happen if instead of being bummed out and angry at the world for fucking around with me, I made the conscious decision to not heap any more shitty-ness onto an already shitty event? Would it even be possible to dispense with all of that? Maybe?
Well, not maybe, but yes. We can't control the events of life but we can decide how we're going to react. And the best time to decide is in the early stages when worry and stress and everything else that accompanies the bad things that happen haven't grown sturdy as oaks. So, I gave it a shot but it wasn't easy. It wasn't so hard, either. I just had to keep on top of the thoughts that crept up about how crummy this loss was.
I reminded myself that this one unfortunate event was threatening to overshadow the accomplishment of a thoroughly cleaned place. In times of strife, all of things that have gone right tend to get stamped out in our minds, like the never happened. I went downstairs and practiced yoga for a while. I had some energy to burn, despite having spent hours and hours cleaning. Throughout my session, thoughts about my iPad swam into view, but they didn't stick for very long.
Oh, you do what you can do. Everyone alive on this planet is subject to impermanence, to the rising and falling, the giving and taking. None of us are immune. I try to remember that when thoughts that the Universe has a vendetta against me leak out. I'll see about getting the iPad fixed or getting another one. May take a while, either way, to happen, but who knows? Maybe St. Nick has something up his sleeve.
Peace.
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