You pulled the trigger on my love gun

I'm not in the best spirits, but it could be worse. Concerns, and they are major, about income have coiled around me today and then there is what looks to be another in an unfortunate long line of rejections when it comes to women. I don't even want to get into it.

I don't know what it is about me that women, or at least the ones I've been interested in, find unappealing. I'm sure there are numerous factors involved and not all involving me, but when you strike out a lot, you've got to start wondering about your swing.

Anyway, my aim here is not to beat myself up. But to say I'm not frustrated would be a lie. So I balance the frustration with a kind of defiance that, chin up, says, "There is abundance and there are women out there who would find me appealing".

Still, it's not easy projecting confidence with my track record. I'm curious to know what it is about me that turns women off so much. My looks? Sure, there's that possibility, though I personally don't think I'm ugly or anything. Am I too weird? Maybe. Is it my meager income? Can't say that factors too much into considering I tend to get rejected before they know my earnings. Maybe it's karma. Perhaps in a past life I was a real cad. 

Who knows

Look, I'm over thinking and while my tone may suggest otherwise, I'm really not too bummed out about my love life right now. Frustrated and confounded, yes, but my feelings of self worth have not taken a hit.There are plenty of women out there; I'm sure there's at least one for me. Well, there is one woman out there who is fond of me: my dear mom. I know she'd at least give me the courtesy of responding to a text.

Anyway, the big thing is money and a job and a career. I feel lost and vulnerable (and a bit close to freaking out right now, which is why I'm going to hit the yoga mat and meditate) and it is not a fun place to be. I'm more vulnerable than I've ever been and  the only net I"m working with is faith. But that is how I feel now and I know it won't always be this way. Transitions aren't always comfortable, but they need to happen once in a while. I really need to make some changes, even without the present urgency.

Alright, lovers,