Down in the green hay where monkey and bear usually lay, they woke from a stable boy's cry

With reluctance, I awoke from a dream this morning in which I was attending an orgy. Dopey with sleep, I attempted to re-enter the dream by not acknowledging what had happened. It kind of worked: I did fall back asleep and I did re-enter the dream, but it had changed, became more about being frustrated and unsatisfied than it did with getting laid. To maintain the child-friendly atmosphere of this blog, I'll keep the sordid details of the orgy to myself.

Had an idea today for a TV show. You have children write episodes of various shows, preferably dramas like CSI: Miami or Grey's Anatomy. Their scripts will be used by the shows -- word for word, no edits. And then the show will air.

Each week w. So, lets say the show -- I don't have a name for it yet -- airs every Tuesday at eight. You tune in one week and it's Law & Order written by an eight year old.

Judge: You're a stupid poopy head, Mr. Lawyer.

Lawyer: I'm going to eat more cookies and you can go kiss a wet mouse.

Judge: Bailiff, shoot his face!


For the show to work, the actors need to play it straight. You might think this show isn't feasible because producing a TV show is time consuming hard work, and that they wouldn't, because of their own shooting schedule, have the time or the interest to produce another episode, never mind one written by a child.

What you do is say, "First of all, we're going to foot the bill for this, and to make the deal sweeter, we're going to foot the bill for two of your own episodes. The one sacrifice you're going to have to make is dropping one of yours to accommodate the one you're filming for us. You can get by with one less episode; you won't even miss it. And if you object to the idea of our show because you think it's taking the piss out of your craft, I think you'll reconsider when you hear what I've got to say about it. Yes, we'll be taking the piss out of your craft, but so what? You'll be showing America what good sports you are, that you're not all caught up in the gravitas of what you do. Ok, so you'll do it? Great!"

I love this idea. Here are some hastily put together rules I've assembled that will work as guidelines for the show. They will be subject to change.

1. The kid writing the episode has to be an average one, that is, not some little wanna-be actor or screenwriter. That's why there will be no prize for best-written episode. We want to weed out the hungry-for-attention, competitive little twerps with their pushy asshole stage mom and dads.

2. The only help they'll get with their scripts will concern length. They'll need to told when they need to write more or less to fill the time slot. Other than that, and cutting out profanity -- the children will be subject, like everyone else to FCC regulations -- the children will have full authority over their work.

3. There will not be a host. It would be a waste of money to have Drew Carey or whoever waste valuable time that could be devoted to the episode at hand, with a few topical jokes and a silly in- troduction. "In just a few moments we'll present little David Frew's episode of ER, but first lets bring him out and find out about his creative process." Fuck that, just show the episode.

I'm getting tired from all this thinking. Here's what I'm going to do:

1. Write another list

2. Watch the rest of Herzog's brilliant Encounters At The End Of The World.

3. Check in on the Cavs/Magic game.

4. Read from Ruckley's Fall Of Thanes, which, like the books that preceded it, is engrossing and very well written.

5. Figure out exactly how I feel about MGMT

6. Watch, if time permits, the last episode of The Wire: Season One.

7. Go to sleep and see about conjuring up another orgy dream.