The magic carpet waits for you, so don't be late

Got today out of the way. One more, and then, hopefully, matters will have a rosier sheen. Presently, I feel like the Universe is toying around with me the way killer whales do with seals. Stop being an asshole, Universe! I'm on your side, why are you fucking with me?

Nothing like seeing pictures posted of you on Facebook to give you a reality check. Upon viewing shots from Mike's cookout, I was left feeling perplexed, among other things. I really look this way?  I know I'm not a Greek sculpture, but I thought I looked better than what I saw, which was a doughy, dumpy guy, one well acquainted with the sedentary lifestyle. Look, I'm not going to beat myself up over it, but it bums me out a little bit to see myself that way, especially when I've worked hard to take care of myself. Rasheed Wallace was famous for shouting "Ball don't lie" during NBA games.Know what else don't lie, Rasheed? Photos (barring Photoshop trickery, of course). Mirrors, though, are prolific liars. Anyway, here are my options: 1. Go ape-shit and work out like never before and eat even less than I currently do 2. Stay the course and modify my routine periodically as I've been doing 3. Let myself go completely.

Option three is the easiest and it wouldn't take much to justify it. "May as well, not like the alternative got me anywhere", I could say like a big fucking quitter. Option one could work for sure, but I'd have to make it my central focus. Option two could promise more of the same, but I'm sticking with it. Here's why: I may look like I eat doughnuts and drink soda all day in front of a computer, but I don't feel that way. For example, I slept on Mike's tiny couch in his office the other night and didn't wake up with the slightest ache. I thank yoga for that. And eating right and exercising has had a far more substantial impact on my well being than polluting myself ever did.

So I don't have an athletic physique - whatever - but it's still a relatively healthy looking one, despite my unfortunate description above. Yet I still perceive I'm receiving more favorable attention from women these days. Must be my profoundly soulful eyes or my heart, which is as pure as humming bird's breath. Or maybe it has something to do with the fact that women tend to be more forgiving when it comes to looks.

I'll continue eating right and practicing yoga because it's in my best interest to do so and because I want to.   I need to move away from identifying with the body, which is a mere spacesuit, says Duncan Trussell. Focus more on the spirit, Kevin, and you'll shed this attachment to form. Sounds like a plan.

You and I both know that the solution to all of my problems is a good shagging. Time to get laid. It's going to happen by the weekend or I am going to yell at a dalmation puppy and possibly a lamb. So if you like animals, especially soft and downy ones, you better hope I'll soon be up to my nuts in guts (Damn, did I just go there? Yup). 
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I stepped on my phone the other day (Whoopie!!) and ruined the display screen. This means I can't write or read texts (if I was one of my nieces, losing the ability would be akin to having my soul eaten right out of me), make calls from my contact list, or know who's calling me if they don't leave a voicemail. I can, however, make calls using speed dial (fortunately, the people I talk to most are saved in my phone that way). Time for a new phone.


I'm sleepy. I think I'm going to read a bunch tonight. Egan's A Visit From The Goon Squad is a page-turner. I will drink deeply from it.