Try to understand, I'm a magic man

I stayed at work until almost nine on Saturday. The lateness was due to a myriad of screw ups, at least two of which were masterminded by yours truly. I was all set to drive up to NH to meet up with Foley and Scott for a writing/recording session, but by the time I got home I was wiped and it was late. I rescheduled with Foley and hopefully nothing will come up to prevent our getting together. When I see him, I'm not going to be able to keep my hands off him. Scratch that--it's his wife I won't be able to keep my hands off. He can go to hell. But seriously....
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Kreg is doing me a solid by recording some of my songs. The idea is to lay some tracks down in a casual, informal manner and see what happens. The good thing about this situation is that I live with Kreg, so I won't have to travel every time I want to record. I hope he's aware that I like to record in the nude with hookers sitting in the corner gazing at me with hunger and awe in their eyes. As most of you know, hookers don't run cheap, but you have to set a mood, and when all is said and done, Kreg will discover that his money was well spent. He is a good friend.
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I had a good Thanksgiving; a solid A-. Went to my grandmother's house and I'm always glad I don't have a family that's a drag. Before my grandparents died on my mother's side, we used to all get together for the holidays and, let me assure you, it was no fun. These affairs were as formal as you could get short of wearing a suit and tie. It was like going to church. Great people, just a more subdued vibe. My dad's side of the family, however, treats get-togethers with a looseness I'm better suited for.


I spent much of the time on Thanksgiving talking about Curb Your Enthusiasm with my Uncle and my cousins. Throughout dinner, I framed my father again and again, for reasons that are beyond me. I spread a rumor around the table that he wasn't happy with the way my cousin Brian hogged all the mashed potatoes, which in actuality he kind of did; whenever someone at the other end of the table asked if we needed anything at our end, I'd tell them my father did, and it didn't take long before he was surrounded by bowls of food that he didn't request; and when my cousin Megan told me she didn't trust anyone who didn't like the Office, I told her my father absolutely despised the show, that he preferred Step by Step. My father loves The Office, but Megan didn't need to know that. From that moment on, she stayed clear of my dad, who was now untrustworthy in her eyes.

The rest of the day was enjoyable, if uneventful. I decided this year to try making my exit when other people do. The reasoning behind this was if I left with, say, my sister and her family, I'd be able to slip out of the house unnoticed and thus in a timely manner. It is so hard leaving my grandmother's house. Even when you've said goodbye to everyone, you still have to get by Nana, who is never in favor of anyone leaving her house. After answering a litany of questions concerning why you need to leave at that moment, you have to stick around while she assembles some leftovers for you to take. And once that's accomplished, once everything you've picked to take home with you has been wrapped up and put in a bag, you have to start the whole process of leaving all over again, because somehow, while all of this was going on, you discover to your puzzled lament that you've taken your coat off and someone has hung it back up in the closet. And the keys that you had in your hand, the ones that showed everyone that you weren't kidding about leaving, have gone missing. So, you've got to start the whole process over again: get your coat, find your keys, make the rounds and say goodbye as everyone gives you a puzzled look, wondering why you're still there, then go over to Nana and hope this time you'll be granted permission to leave. Not a guarantee it will happen, though. She'll always find a reason to keep you there, and I guess I wouldn't have it any other way. Below are some of the failed methods I've used to make my exit.

--I once pulled out a gun and bellowed " If anyone tries to stop me from leaving, I will shoot you in the fucking teeth!!

--I pulled my pants down in front of everyone and said " Either I get me something sloppy in the next thirty seconds, or my ass is out the door!"

--I said to Nana, "Look, before I leave, I'd like to talk to you about some pretty serious issues I'm dealing with right now. And by pretty serious, I mean pretty damn serious. Suicide serious." (That actually worked really well. I was out of there light lightning. She practically shoved me out the door. I could only use that method once, though)

--I once stood in the middle of the room, demanded silence, and started reading some of my high school poetry out loud. Turned out, everyone loved it! Maybe I am the great American poet, like everyone always said I was.

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Ok, I'm off to greener pastures. I'm feeling good about something today and I hope the feeling grows into something even better. Ta Ta, children of the night.